


Empire of Sorrow

by grand_admiral_thrawn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Comfort/Angst, F/F, Force Sensitivity, Gen, Mutual Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slavery, Slow Burn, struggles in communication
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-23 23:06:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grand_admiral_thrawn/pseuds/grand_admiral_thrawn
Summary: Two young women escape slavery together and emerge into a galaxy controlled by the fledgling Galactic Empire. Together they must come to terms with what happened to them and forge a way forward





	1. Chapter 1

The planet hung against a backdrop of stars, an untouched world of blue and green; from this distance, uninhabited. A slow stream of ships were descending towards the world belying that image. Among them a rusty freighter flew, having just dropped out of hyperspace. With much protesting, it descended through the atmosphere, making it’s objections known upon landing on the cracked permacrete. The door hissed open, allowing bright, tropical sun to permeate the hull and its inhabitants, including two pilots who resembled the ship more and more each day. Disembarking, the duo pulled behind them two long chains, connected to their sorry cargo of souls. The slaves blinked, eyes watering in the brilliant sun, basking in the brief warmth offered after the cold of space.

The captives were given little time to rest however, pulled onward to their new residence, a white stone manor that would never be called home; circular towers gleaming in the sun. The visual luxury of the world vanished all to quickly as the slaves were lead inside, heavy brass doors returning them once more to darkness and cold. A young twi’lek woman, eyes bright with suppressed tears watched as the last view of the green forest and blue sky vanished, leaving nothing behind except for the growing dread in the pit of her stomach.

The weight of terrible anticipation did not lessen as the slaves made their way slowly down a steep set of stairs, the air growing cold and dank as they went; the heavy chains around necks, wrists and ankles created an off-beat melody in the silence. Slowly, the clanking was joined by the tones of real music emanating up from the main hall. As they descended, the song grew in volume, the rapid beat accompanied by in increase in the smell: alcohol and sweat mingling with something rotten.

The twi’lek stepped down into a pit, crowded with beings of all descriptions, most either heavily armored or wearing next to nothing at all. She couldn’t see the lord of the den, but she could guess where he was, behind a thick wall of smoke, through which only vague shapes could be gleaned. Her and her company may as well have been ghosts for they were payed no notice as people came up to the pilots, ready with handshakes and claps on backs. “Your highness,” called out one of them as they stepped deeper into the smoke, “we have returned with your new slaves, fresh from Zygerria.”

A low voice boomed through the oily smoke in Huttese, followed by a more automated one. “The mighty Arok wonders what has taken you so long? These slaves were due several rotations ago.”

“I am sorry my lord,” the swagger was gone from the pilot’s posture and the barest hint of a grin darted across the twi’lek’s face. “We were delayed by the new Imperial checkpoint in the Centares system.”

“Arok is uninterested in your excuses.” The droid relayed. “Bring forward his new property. He will deal with your delay later.” Stammering, the slavers hauled on their chains, sending the slaves stumbling forwards, the twi’lek at the end choking as she gasped in the smoke. Before her, a massive Hutt was revealed, his beady orange eyes roving over them all as if they were no more than his next meal. “The glorious Arok wonders how much you paid for these sorry excuses for slaves.”

The twi’lek could only wonder when she had ever seen anything less glorious than the slug before her. “500 credits for the lot.” The lead slaver regained some of his confidence, standing up straight once again. There was a moment of silence, tension so thick it could have been cut with a lightsaber. Arok laughed, a horrible, guttural noise, like someone retching.

“The almighty Arok congratulates you on your excellent bargaining on his behalf.” The droid relayed once the Hutt had finally quieted. “You are forgiven for your lateness this time. You may each choose one of Arok’s property for the night.” As the slavers gave an awkward attempted at a bow, the twi’lek’s eyes filled with impotent anger and smoldering hatred. Her heart gave a painful contraction as one of them made eye contact with her, rage making way for the fear that always seemed foremost in her heart these days. With fumbling hands, he released her from the rest of the group who were quickly lead away, along with the illusion of safety she had been enjoying. The other slaver had chosen a young human, hardly more than a child, fear and anger melted into sympathy and sorrow. At least her childhood had been free of such experiences.

“What’s your name dear?” He grabbed her face, pulling it to look at him. Heart hammering, she met her captor’s eyes and tried to act braver than she felt. When her answer was not forthcoming, he began to squeeze.

“Hera.” She provided reluctantly, barely resisting the urge to spit in his face.

The grubby human wasted little time after that.

She watched as he went to the bar for yet another round. Hera was beginning to hope he would be so drunk he wouldn’t manage to do anything but pass out in an hour or so. She could hope for that yet. From her vantage point at a table next to the bar, she could see the door that lead back outside. She was almost desperate enough to try and run for it where it not for the dancers that filled the space between her and her escape, as well as the chains enveloping her and the guards that stood ready on either side of the door and around the bar. Still, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from it, as though to look away would be to submit to her fate. Not that she had done a very good job of resisting fate at late. Her mind flinched away from thoughts of the slave markets as Zygerria and the hot sun burning down on her bare neck.

Shaking her head to clear away her thoughts like so many moths, her eyes fixed on the dancers in front of her, bruised, emaciated girls wearing large, fake smiles. One of them, a human with dark hair, who looked the same age as Hera, had a back covered in scars so numerous, it was hard to find a patch of bare skin, her wisps of cloths doing nothing to cover the brutality she must have faced. As the human girl spun, her eyes briefly locked onto Hera’s and in them she could see nothing but defeat. She looked away. She was not going to die here, cold, alone and unloved.

Half a glass of warm beer suddenly broke her concentration as it hit the back of her neck, running down the rags that covered her. Spinning around, she saw the slaver, staggering away from a Trandoshan who had just stood up. Perhaps they would fight, maybe the lizard would kill the very drunk human who was currently stumbling backwards, confusion on his face. To Hera’s dismay, the Trandoshan gave a look over towards the guards on either side of the bar and the Hutt outlined in some across the room and thought better of it.

With an effort, the human staggered to his seat, too close for comfort, apparently unaware he had lost half of his beer on her. “Aren’t you havin’ fun girl?” Hera didn’t respond, too busy glaring at the back of the Trandoshan who had failed to get her into a marginally better situation.

She gasped as the glass of bear hit her in the face, shattering against her cheek. “Aren’t you havin’ fun?” He yelled, swinging the jagged base of the glass wildly. Nearly paralyzed with shock, Hera nodded, face a blaze of agony as she reached up with bound hands to try and feel her face. The guard turned to look, and seeing her and her chains, turned away, bored. The pain of her face was nothing compared to the fearful twisting of her heart, pounding so hard it might explode. Her hope of moments ago seemed very distant. Unknowing or uncaring of her pain, or possibly both, the pilot chose that moment to grab her, hauling her clumsily onto his lap. Instinctively, she pushed away with all her strength, but despite his drunkenness, he held her fast, pushing his mouth against her lips even as she strained away.

There was very little she could do, pushed up against him, her body frozen in horror as his hands drifted downwards and under her soaked shirt. Then, everything happened very quickly. His hands briefly too distracted to hold her against him, she shoved him in the chest with all of her might, simultaneously flinging herself backwards. The chair they were both on fell over with a crash, him still sitting in it. Hera landed hard on her back, laying there for a brief stunned moment before the guard loomed over her.

“What’s all this then?” The Ugnaught looked around briefly before helping the pilot to his feet while Hera scrambled to hers, breathing hard. A rabbit in a trap, she looked desperately around the room, searching for a friendly face, but no one was even pausing attention. She was turning towards the door when a punch hit her in the stomach with the force of a tank, sending her sprawling and breathless back to the ground.

“That’ll teach ‘er.” The slaver shook out his hand before kicking her in the stomach. Too out of breath to scream, she moaned, trying to curl up into a ball. “Sometimes you gotta break ‘em first.”

 

* * *

 

 

The girl with a back of scars watched from across the room as the twi’lek fell, hitting the ground hard. A distant, long dormant part of her mind wished to help, to run over and protect that woman from what was sure to be a horrible night. But that part of her mind had been kept dormant for a reason. There was nothing she could do to help the twi’lek. She couldn’t even get herself out of this situation. Her own helplessness was a wound long since scabbed over, a wound that had never healed, but re-opened and bled every night as she tried to sleep. Yet still, there was nothing she could do.

Her feet moved without conscious thought as she danced, a skill mastered early, though her mind had very little else to occupy itself with while she moved. To fill the space, she watched, eyes scanning the crowd, discerning who was paying attention to her in particular, and not because of her mediocre dancing ability. She made note of who was drunk, who wasn’t drinking, who was just arriving and who looked as though they were about to leave. All in an effort to prepare herself for her own horrible night. She had no control of what happened to her, but she could at least be prepared for it. Today however, there was a sparse crowd. She may have once seen it as an opportunity for escape. Now the thought drifted at the back of her mind, no energy for effort attached to it. It was more painful to wait and plan and hope and be foiled than it was to exist here, half alive. The woman supposed it was a lesson that all the girls here had learned, one way or another.

As she completed another circuit of the room, her eyes were brought back to the twi’lek, being hauled back to her feet. There was a fire in that woman’s eyes, blazing as brightly as the red of the blood against her cheek. It would take some work to put that wildfire out, but she was certain that this place would get it done, one way or another. It was then that the drunken man with the twi’lek’s eyes caught her, and like a fish on a line she was caught.

“You! Girl!” he didn’t even bother to point in her direction. They both knew. She moved as close as her chains would allow and waited for a guard to release her.

The slaver was very smug as he led both of the slaves out of the main hall, as though he had charmed these women into what he was about to do to them. The dancer could feel pity from the twi’lek as they walked behind the pilot, without having to meet her gaze. Pity and fear. The dancer knew, she was not anyone’s idea of a future. “What’s your name?” The twi’lek asked, almost too softly to be heard. “I’m Hera.”

The girl looked up, Hera’s face was still bleeding, several shards of glass piking out. There was more fear in her eyes that she had thought. “Fen.”

“Quiet!” The man yanked at the chains, sending both young women stumbling forwards. Fen lowered her head once more, she knew what kind of man this slaver was. It was not going to be a pleasant evening.

Some part of her mind was already disengaged before they entered the dark, but surprisingly clean room that reeked of fear. There was only so much horror and brutality that her mind could take. That limit had been reached ages ago. She had learned the hard way how to be present in body and not in mind. Hera, on the other hand, was one the verge of causing herself yet more suffering. Body tense and eyes wide, the other slave was uncommitted between fight or flight, but looked as though she were ready to break at any moment.

The door hissed shut behind them and the slaver hit the lock. There was something final about that noise that completed Fen’s separation from herself. “Now girls, let’s have some fun.” She could smell the alcohol on his breath, even from this distance. He made the mistake of reaching for Hera first. Without bothering to remove the chains, he reached for Hera’s soaked garments. Before a finger touched the twi’lek’s green skin, she threw a punch sending him stumbling backwards, groaning. The feeling of menace in the room grew exponentially as the slaver staggered upright, groaning. “You’ll pay for that.” Fen tensed, but remained standing where she was.

Despite his drunkenness, the slaver moved alarmingly fast. Hera ducked around him and raised her fists, looking to Fen to help. Even if there were two of them and only one of him, he was bigger, stronger and most importantly had probably eaten a full meal sometime within memory. Hera had not yet come to this realization. “Help me!” Her desperate plea, mixed with the desperation in her eyes was not part of Fen’s anticipated plans. Torn between avoiding wrath herself and helping Hera, the slaver pinned the twi’lek against a wall. Hera held eye contact as Fen failed to move, fear turning to dismay and disgust. In her eyes, Fen saw herself, both as she used to be and as she now was. Something ignited, a fuse lit. Fen moved.

Without conscious thought, Fen pushed herself between Hera and the slaver, shoving him backwards again. He recovered quickly and, too indignant for words, wrapped his meaty fists around Fen’s neck and began to squeeze. Fen tried to throw a punch at his face but the angle was wrong and he only squeeze harder. Hera tried to pull him off as he forced Fen down to her knees but he was too determined now. Frantically, Fen grabbed his hands, trying to pull them off of her neck, but his grip was too strong and now there were bright lights popped against her vision.

Her lungs screamed for air.

Distantly, she could hear the twi’lek yelling.

Anger, sharp and bright flared up inside of her, a powder keg finally igniting.

Without hesitation, she broke the dam and drew on the anger. Limitless power filled her veins. The slaver’s hands flew from her neck and on to his own. Fen gasped with relief, but held on to her rage. Rising to her feet, arm outstretched, she lifted the slaver into the air without touching him. He writhed there as Fen imagined squeezing his neck. The fury and wild joy coursed through Fen blinding her and washing over her like a wave. For a moment, she was limitless, she was freedom itself.

With a pop, the slaver’s neck snapped and he slumped to the floor. Life force gone and with it, Fen’s burst of unholy power. She was within herself again, slumping back to the ground and gasping for air with tears running down her cheeks.

“You’re a Jedi?” Fen looked up to the twi’lek, who looked shocked, but unafraid, even pleased. Her eyes flickered from Fen to the body. Fen could hardly breath in the aftermath of so much power. “Why haven’t you escaped yet?”

“I….” Her eyes were drawn to the body, to the absence of life. There were no answers in her mind. It simply hadn’t happened. “I don’t know” she admitted finally. “It seemed impossible.” The Force had been so distant, so impossibly out of reach for so many years now, she no longer relied upon it. It was one explanation.  
“Well.” Hera gave her a curious look, but accepted Fen’s version of events for now. She seemed to have recovered quickly from the fight, or perhaps she was seizing the momentum rather than getting lost in her fear. “We have to get out of here.” Hera immediately knelt down and began to search the body.

“Get out?” Fen pulled her eyes up from the body, pulling her mind from within, from the gap inside her she had forgotten about. “How in the Force are we going to do that?” Grabbing the keys for their chains, Hera shrugged.

“We’ll find a way, Better than trying to stay here at any rate. What do you think they’ll do once they find the body?” Fen didn’t want to think about trying to explain this situation. She didn’t know how much Arok knew about her when he bought her all that time ago and she didn’t want to give him the opportunity to have even a partly trained Jedi at his disposal.

“Well,” Fen ran through a map of the palace she had slowly created in her mind. “There are only a few ways out of here and all of the ones I know go back through the main hall in one way or another.

“Then we’ll have to wait until later, once it clears out a bit. “Hera gave up her search for a blaster, palming the slaver’s comm unit instead. Nodding, Fen sat down on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest. She had allowed herself to develop a routine here, to draw comfort from the fact that, day in and day out, she knew what to expect. Without intent or conscious thought, she had allowed herself to accept slavery and all that came with it. She had accepted that she would die here, alone and unloved. Hugging her knees, she shuddered, fear of the unknown and fear of what she had become warring inside of her.

“I guess we wait then.” Hera looked around the room, but there was little else they could take beside sheets and some oversized clothes. Pulling herself up on the bed beside Fen, they sat in silence for a few long moments, both staring at the body sprawled across the floor. “How… How long have you been here?” Hera finally asked. The compassion in the twi’lek’s eyes twisted a knife in Fen’s gut. What had she allowed herself to become?

“I’m not sure, do you know the date?” She couldn’t bring herself to look Hera in the eyes, instead looking at the reflective shards in Hera’s cheek. “May I?” Hera inclined her head and Fen slowly began to pull out the glass.

“Its…. You know, I don’t think I know the day either. The Empire Day celebrations must have been what, a month ago by now.”

“Empire day?” Fen stopped briefly, hefting the glass collected in her palm. “What’s that?”

“It’s the anniversary of the founding of the Empire. The first one ever.” There was something bitter and unspoken at the end of the sentence, but if Fen had learned anything there, it was how not to appear to pry.

“I’ve only heard vague mentions of the Empire; do you know what’s been going on? What happened to the Republic?” Once, Fen had been so sure her destiny would carry her to the center of events, and now it seemed they had quiet passed her by. As the pair waited, they spoke of recent history in low voices, the fall of the Jedi, the rise of the Empire, disappearances and crackdowns. Of Hera’s own past, she learned nothing, and offered nothing in return. As their soft voices filled the room, Fen felt, for the first time in a long time, that she was not alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Time slid slowly by, tension mounting as discussion became idle conversation which soon lapsed into silence. There was no chrono in the room, no windows, a crypt with nothing to mark the time but the passage of their breaths and the slowly congealing blood on Hera’s face. Fen felt a growing prickle of dread along her spine and could not place it as a sign from the Force or just her own anxieties. Every sound made her jump with fright. She had put so much effort into learning how to survive this life, if anyone discovered them, they would both be killed. A repressed part of herself wondered if that would be so bad. Her thoughts ran in circles, tangling themselves into knots, eyes drawn to the corpse on the floor.

“Do you think we’ve waited long enough?” Hera broke the silence like a pane of glass.

“I think so.” Fen could take her eyes from the man she had killed, the memory of that power, however brief danced like a mirage in the back of her mind, tantalizingly out of reach. She tried again to reach for that power but, like a ghost, it would not answer. Dismayed, she stood and tried to steady her nerves.

As quietly as possible, Hera undid the lock and the door hissed open. They both let out a breath of relief as the hallway revealed itself to be empty. “Which way?"

“Right.” Fen left the room, door hissing shut on the body behind them. Slowly, they walked down the hall, contrary to every inborn response Fen possessed. She wanted to run, throw everyone aside and run until she was free. As though she could sense this, Hera laid a hand on her arm. Though the smooth stone hallway was empty, it was not silent. Music emanated from the hall; with Arok’s court done for the day there would be more drinks, more music and more dancing. The beat of the music reverberated the walls around them, giving the building the impression of a heartbeat.

The hall ended in a tight corner, together Fen and Hera peered around the wall and took in the party that was in full swing. The room was darker than normal and in the place of a smoke-shrouded Hutt were dancers, backlit by flashing blue light. Most of the floor had been filled with tables for the accumulated bounty hunters, slavers and related scum that collected around the Hutt like lice on a Bantha. Hera pulled her back. “This is great! There are tons of people, we can just sneak through.

“There’s still the guards.”

Fen shook her head.“There’s only the two of them by the door though, that’s not too many to fight.” Fen could only look at Hera in dismay. The twi’lek was delusional if she thought that they were a match for even one guard, even a very drunken one. Hera sighed, coming to reality. “Then we need a distraction of some kind to get out the door. They both risked another look, just in time to see a fight nearly break out.

“We need something like that.” Hera smiled, “but a bigger fight than over a chair.”

“Like what? Me just dumping drinks on some slaver isn’t going to start a riot.”

“I’m sure we’ll come up with something. It’s better than the other idea I had anyway.”

“What was that?” Fen wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.

“Seduce the guards and knock them out.” Hera shrugged. “Or you could always distract them the Jedi way?” There was a note of doubt in Hera’s voice that hit Fen in the gut. Old memories bubbled up in her mind of deflecting blaster bolts and flinging droids. Again, she reached for the Force and again, found nothing.

“You’re right. Starting a bar fight is the best idea we’ve got.” She threw her best slave mask on, unwilling to let Hera see her dismay at her own powerlessness. It had been so much easier to forget about her missing sense before. Now once again it was a raw wound she couldn’t stop poking at.

Hera nodded. “How hard can it be to get a bunch of drunken slavers to fight?” It felt like a challenge.

Fen shrugged, pulling her fingers quickly through her hair and adjusting her scraps of clothing, placing the mask, one of benevolent calm that slaves wore so well, back on. Head held high and back straight, she walked around the corner, half smile playing false notes across her face. The sound of music hit her like a wall as the duo walked into the hall. As fast as she could, Fen took in the scene. Several dozen tables filled the space between her and escape. Betide them, slave girls with trays of drinks wove their way around the drunken masses, deftly avoiding hands and paws as they went. At the far end of the room, the small non-descript entrance to the stairwell and their escape. Two Gamorreans on either side, looking bored as they watched the party going on without them.

She looked beside her briefly to see Hera with her eyes fixed on the far door with the intensity of a predator. Fear welled up in her once more, they still had only the barest shreds of a plan separating her from a slow death. Her only option was escape. The finality of it galvanized her, at least for now as Fen walked over to the bar. Claiming a tray of drinks almost larger than her, she lifted it above her head, throwing the Duros beside her a quick smile. Beside her, another slave Fen vaguely recognized struggled to balance her tray, fear writ large across her face.

Fen had a sudden pang of consciousness. She and Hera might escape but what about the rest of the slaves here? She smiled at the other slave and slowly turned away. Powerlessness threatened to overcome her for a moment, how many women had died here before she came? The number since she had arrived was at least a dozen. How many more would suffer after she left? But what could she do? Heart heavy, Fen pulled herself out of the low-level misery that permeated the room and instead scanned it, looking for the drunkest patron she could find.

A small, true smile flickered across her face as she recognized a Wookie with dark fur and a long scar across his face. She walked into the forest of tables, beginning a circuitous root towards him as she tried to catch his eye. Begins of all descriptions grabbed drinks from her tray as she slowly walked, for the first time in her life almost ready for one of them to make a move.

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect if she tried. As she caught the Wookie’s eye and smiled broadly, a Roadian grabbed her free hand, pulling her violently. The poorly balanced tray fell, remaining drinks falling and shattering on the head of a nearby human who whirled around suddenly. “What the Sith!?” The drenched man shouted as Fen tried to pull herself away from the Rodian who grabbed her arm tighter and wheeled her in. Quickly, she shot what she hoped was a desperate glance in the direction of the Wookie. The human took in the situation. Waiting exactly no seconds, he wordlessly decked the Rodian in the face, sending him staggering backwards, releasing his clammy grip on Fen’s upper arm. That grip was immediately replaced.

“That bug-eye giving you trouble sweetheart?” Fen smiled, moving her eyes upwards quickly from the rotting teeth in his mouth.

“Thank goodness you’re here!” She shot a glare at the recovering alien on the floor.

“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t have anything to do with scum like that, let me show you a good time tonight.” His words were gilded, but he was holding her arm tight enough to leave bruises. She batted her eyelashes at him for a moment as though she were seriously considering his offer. Pouting, she looked over at the Wookie, who luckily still had his eyes focused on her like lasers.

“I’m really sorry, but I’m with him tonight.” She gestured over her shoulder at the Wookie and made to pull away but he gripped her tighter still, grabbing her face with his free hand. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the Wookie rise to his feet.

“You deserve better than that doll.” Her arm was beginning to go numb as his chapped lips slammed into hers. He withdrew a moment later, turning to look at the Wookie towering over him, teeth bared. In that moment of distraction, Fen risked a glimpse behind her at the last known position of Hera, hoping she remained close by. She was, but had wound up on the lap of another human who was muttering something about the blood on her face. She met Fen’s gaze. There Fen saw that all the strength the twi’lek possessed was going into not punching the human in the face. Endeavouring to hurry this fight along, Fen turned to attention back to the situation at hand. The Wookie was growling something unfriendly, drool dripping from a fang, but the human held her fast.

“She’s mine now fur-ball! Go find someone your own size.” The Wookie grabbed Fen’s other arm and she felt a sudden lurch of foreboding. Again she tried to free herself from the human’s grip, but his cheeks were slightly flush with drunkenness and there was a glint of fury in his eyes. Internally, she smiled.

It was the human who, unwisely threw the first punch. Releasing his death grip on her arm by a fraction, he swung at the 8-foot ball of fur and muscle. In a moment, Fen was free from both of their clutches and the human was sailing across the room. To her absolute delight, he hit the back of the Roadian from earlier, who had no qualms about adding insult to injury. As the Wookie ran forwards to grab his new prey, Fen shoved a chair in his path and he went tumbling into a Trandoshan. At the same moment, Hera punched the human who held her and threw a beer in the face of the other man at the table. She ducked the incoming blow and it landed in the face of the man who’s lap she had been in a moment ago. After that, it was hard to see what was happening.

A few more second passed before the Gamorreans decided that door duty was far less exciting than a bar fight and, grunting, ran towards the skirmish. With a hear-beat of eye contact between them, Hera and Fen ran to the door.

 

* * *

 

 

Hera didn’t dare look back as she ran, her eyes fixed on the door and the hope that lay beyond. She could barely spare a thought for Fen, running slightly behind her, the noise of the fight they had started chasing them like a physical force. Had it only been half a day since she had come down these stairs? Already it felt like a lifetime ago. As her lungs started to burn, she tried to focus on running up the stairs and sucking the damp, mildew-filled air into her lungs. As she rounded the next corner and the next, her muscles begged her to stop, to slow down, but the fear racing in her heart drown out the petty concerns of her body. She did not want to die here. Even execution by the Empire seemed a mild fate compared with this.

Despite her focus on running, her mind pulled in a different direction. Slavery was no stranger to Hera, it had stalked her home world for centuries. Likely, it would continue to do so for many generations to come. Wound on top of wound Ryloth had suffered, slavery by the Hutts, the inflexibility and stagnation of the old republic, the Clone Wars and now the Empire. Each pain demanded to be fought and Hera had. However, her focus had lately been dominated by the Empire that was slowly closing a vice-like grip on Ryloth. Slavery had always been a distasteful fact of life, but something that could be dealt with later. No longer. Hera thought, distracting herself from yet another flight of stairs ahead of her. When she returned to her home, it would be the slave markets to which she turned with the full force of her anger.

After what felt like an eternity, the floor mercifully leveled out. Both of the women reached the top and were forced to halt, gasping for air, legs shaking. For a few precious moments, they stood there, hands on their knees, eyeing each other with the wariness of prey. “You alright?” Hera gasped, Fen was nearly white, Hera doubted she looked any better.

“I think so.” With an effort of will, both of the girls straightened and rounded the last bend, only to retreat an instant later. Two more guards, humans this time, blocked the door leading back to the outside world and freedom. Leaning against the wall, Hera finished catching her breath, trying to force her brain to think, to work the problem. She was weaponless, and doubtless far from the acceptable domains of the slaves. She would have the element of surprise if she ran at them, but there was a slight chance that they would be good at their jobs and shoot her before she could get one of their blasters.

“Thoughts?” She turned to Fen, who’s chest was still heaving. She looked so afraid. A year and a half the human girl had lived in the darkness, Hera recalled, unable to see the sun. Victory was so close at hand. As much as she didn’t want to die here, she didn’t want to let down this girl she had dragged with her into danger. Hera decided that running the guards was probably the best option right now. If nothing else, to them she was property of their master, they may be unwilling to damage her for fear of repercussions. “I’m just going to run at them and try to get a blaster.” Fen managed to look even more terrified.

“That is a terrible idea.” She hissed.

“My first one worked out fine!” Hera retorted, taking a deep breath, trying to remember the exact position of the men from her quick glance. She took a risk and peaked out behind the corner again. Unfortunately, one of them was looking right in her direction.

“Hey!” He shouted, more surprised than angry. Hera pulled her head back, but she could hear a set of boots coming towards her. Just one set however. She smiled and readied herself in the moments she had left. As he rounded the bend he began “What are you…” Before he could say another word, Hera punched him hard in the gut. As he staggered backwards, she grabbed his blaster and fired without hesitation. A ring of blue light caught the winded man in the chest and he collapsed. The second man rounded the corner and she shot him to, his large frame slumping down on top of his partner.

“See, it all worked out!” Hera smiled at Fen, who managed to return it before they ran towards the door. While Fen grabbed the second guard’s blaster, Hera hit the button next to the door and it opened slowly. As soon as there was room to squish through, they both did so, the cool night air blasting them in the face.

It was a clear night. Stars and two moons illuminated the dark forest, but it was the air that Hera noticed first, clean and fresh with none of the stink of the court below. She glanced over at Fen. The other girl had her eyes closed, head tilted up to catch the feeble light of the moon, a radiant smile, free from fear across her face. Unwilling to disturb her, Hera waited a few precious seconds, listening to the sounds of insects filling the air. A profound wave of homesickness overcame her as she heard the melodies of a night on Ryloth.

Even more determined to escape, she grabbed Fen’s arm “Let’s go!” With a jolt, the other girl moved into action and they both began to run again, weary legs protesting.

The road connecting the palace and the spaceport was not long, but it seemed an eternity under the vast night sky as they ran, off to the side and as quietly as they could manage with the air burning in their lungs. Hera’s ever sense was alert for the sounds of disturbance behind her, but she heard nothing. Stars were soon blotted out by floodlights that illuminated the cracked ferrocrete and reflected off the hulls of a few ships. Between them and the next step towards freedom, yet more guards. Half a dozen this time. They chatted as they idly wandered the perimeter, their conversation echoing in the mostly quiet night.

“Which ship?” Fen asked, here eyes fixed on a gleaming ship with a pointed nose.

“That’s the one I came here on.” Hera pointed towards the freighter with a pockmarked hull. “I had the owner’s commlink, it might let us in. At any right, security will be looser on it, its so old.”

“Are you sure? We may have to avoid turbolasers yet.” She cast a dubious look at the lumbering ship.

“I’m sure.” Hera lied. “It’s our best chance. Besides, I’ve flown worse.” She could feel Fen’s look of curiosity, but kept her eyes firmly fixed on her goal.

“Should we make a run for it or mark the guard rotations first?” Now it was Hera’s turn to give Fen a sidewise look, there was something changed about the ex-slave girl, a sharpness born of training, the kind that drove out fear.

“I’m not sure.” Hera looked back, the white limestone of the palace just visible above the treeline, reflected in the moonlight. “I don’t want to be here any longer than necessary.” Fen gave a tight nod, her eyes focused on the men walking in front of them, long shadows stretching across the pavement as they moved around the corner and into darkness.

Grasping her blaster tighter, Fen whispered, “Now.” Without hesitation, Hera began to run in a straight line, but slowed when she saw the other girl, hunched over and sticking to the shadows of the nearest ship. Fen pulled herself close to its bulk for a few seconds before moving slowly underneath it, disappearing from view. Hera followed close at her heels, not daring to speak.

They both darted through the patches of light between them and the sleek ship’s deep shadows. Pausing for a moment, Fen held a finger up to her lips, eyes focused on the nearby guards, laughing with blasters holstered. In a moment, she was moving again, running to the shadow of their chosen freighter, it’s wide bulk shielding them mostly from sight.

“Move quickly.” Fen breathed in Hera’s ear. Running up to the control panel by the hatch, she fumbled with the comlink she had stuffed in the ruins of a pocket. Her heart fell for a full swooping second before she felt the cool metal cylinder. As soon as it left her pocket, it and the ship gave a loud beep. Fen hissed her displeasure and cocked her blaster. For a moment, silence. Then the ramp began to lower. It seemed unbearably loud in the quiet. The chatter of the guards had stopped. There was a click as Fen set her blaster to kill, eyes scanning the darkness. Inch by inch the ramp lowered, hissing and squealing. Hera gritted her teeth and put her finger on the trigger.

Blaster fire erupted on all sides as the guards converged. The girls began to fire back a second later. Hera glanced at the ramp, a few more seconds and she could jump inside. Stepping out of the shadows the guards continued to fire, Hera and Fen both pressed against the side of the freighter with no way to maneuver. Beside her, Fen gave a yelp as a shot caught her in the arm and Hera had a moment of doubt. She might yet die here, under a pair of foreign moons. She turned to look a Fen and saw a furious anger in the young woman’s eyes that chilled something inside of her.

Flinging out her arms, Fen yelled and the guards flew backwards, blasters torn from their grips. For a moment, the sound of the ramp echoed alone. Hera didn’t waste a second. Together, both of them scrambled up the ramp and slammed the reverse button. Unspoken, Fen remained standing in the doorway, firing at the guards, eyes bright with anger while the ramp changed course and began to close.

Hera ran as fast as she could to the cockpit, slipping slightly on the metal floors. Sliding into the pilot’s chair, she couldn’t help but smile, back in her element at last. The ship came alive under her fingers, engines coughing to a start. In seconds, she had the ship up in the air. A sense of relief filled her as she pulled the ship up to meet the stars. Beside her, Fen sat down, holding her arm, likewise bewitched by tantalizing freedom that waited above.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all is ... not well in love and war. It gets a little dark

 

               As the freighter climbed towards the stars, a few blasts from a planet-side turbolaser attempted to stop them, but even the ponderous bulk of the freighter wasn’t enough to stop Hera from evading the half-hearted attempt. For a few minutes, they flew in silence, speeding ever further away from the planet, the palace and the misery that lay in its depths. Fen could only stare at the stars ahead, trying to convince her still pounding heart that she was free at last.

               “So?” Hera asked, “Where do you want me to take you?”

               _Home_ , called her heart with desperation, _take me home, take me somewhere safe, somewhere where I don’t have to be afraid again._ But where was home? The only home Fen could remember was the Jedi temple, and she knew in her bones that Hera’s statement about the Jedi being gone was true. There was no safety there for her anymore, if there had ever been. “I don’t know.” She whispered eventually, thinking how large and cold the universe suddenly seemed.

               “Don’t you have family somewhere?”

               “I don’t remember.” There was the vaguest notion in the back of her mind of a bright smile and laughter, but nothing more remained of the people who had borne and raised her for the first three years of her life, before the Jedi. The gleaming white spires glowed in her mind’s eye, she wondered what it had looked like when they burned.

               “Where…” Fen took a deep breath, drawing herself back to the present with an effort. “Where are you going to go?”

               “Home.” There was a smile on Hera’s face that cut like a knife. “Back to Ryloth.”

               “Can I come with you?” The words slipped out in her desperation to banish the creeping loneliness that surrounded her. She had nothing and no one apart from Hera, no way to start a new life and no desire to do so on her own.

               “Of course,” Hera turned to her and smiled. “I never would have made it out of there if it wasn’t for you.” Fen scoffed slightly.

               “Maybe, but it would have taken a lot longer without you and the Force.” She gave Fen a smile as she started to program the navicomputer.

               The Force. Again, it had come to her when it was life or death. Again, it had left, leaving a gaping wound in her chest, the memory of power even more tantalizing than her first grasp. Without it she was blind, deaf, mute, cut off from the galaxy and numb to the people that inhabited it. It was an ache deep her bones, stronger than her joy at freedom, stronger than her fear of recapture, stronger even than her desire for home. She was cut off from herself, floating adrift. She had to get it back. With a lurch, the ship leapt into hyperspace, points of light streaking away in front of them.

               Fen turned to look at Hera, a smile still large across the twi’lek’s face. A face still crusted with blood. This wound seemed to remined Fen of her own, and her arm immediately began to throb where she had been shot. “Do you think there’s a medkit somewhere on this bucket?” Fen asked, pulling her arm close to inspect it. It didn’t seem to bad, more of a graze than a hole.

               “Hmmm?” Hera looked over. “Oh, I don’t know. Let’s go find out.” Together the girls left the cockpit to explore their new domain. Rusting metal creaked under their feet as they walked down a short corridor into a small open space filled with what smelled like rotting ration packs. “Gross.” Hera wrinkled her nose at the smell as she fumbled for the lights. Mess was strewn across the deck, most of it old and of dubious origin. All of it smelled. Stepping carefully around the old cloths and empty boxes, Fen searched for a medkit. At the back, she found a little box, half covered in food wrappers.

               “I found it!” She called to Hera as she removed the worst of the debris and fumbled inside for the bacta patches.

               “What in the name of the Force did those slavers do?” Fen found Hera in the engine bay, hands on her hips as she surveyed a mess of wire and cables that hung from the ceiling like vines.

               “I don’t know much about ships, but I’m pretty sure this is wrong.” Fen noted as she stumbled over a loose grate in the floor.

               “It’s a miracle this ship didn’t explode when we went into hyperspace.” The twi’lek grumbled as she got to work on the nearest knot of wires.

               “Wait,” Fen grabbed another bacta patch. “Let me get a look at your face first. “With impatience, Hera turned and allowed Fen to look. It looked worse than it was, Fen quickly removed the worst of the old blood and tried to pick out the few specks of glass. Hera stood, still as a statue, eyes fixed on Fen as she worked, trying to be as delicate as possible while her fingers grazed Hera’s skin. In a few minutes her work was done and Hera returned to work. Fen watched her for a few seconds before returning to the common area. Surveying the mess, she began to clean.

               It took longer than expected. As soon as she could stand the smell and there was a relatively clean spot on the floor, she sat. As she crossed her legs, Fen closed her eyes and tried to still her mind. It was harder than she remembered, to push away her thoughts. Every time she managed to get rid of one, another simply bubbled up to take its place. An endless cycle of worry and faint happiness. Ignoring the growing frustration that soon dominated the thought process, she reached out, trying to feel the shape of the galaxy, the pull of the universe like an inexorable current.

               She felt nothing.

               What could have been hours or minutes later, Fen opened her eyes to the mundane ship around her. Despite achieving nothing, she felt drained, the happiness at her escape muted by the emptiness inside. It had been so much easier before, the suffering that happened around her, to her had been so much stronger than the hollow absence of the Force. Now, in the silence, it was the only real thing.  Slowly, she stood up and walked back to the cockpit.

               Hera came running in as Fen slumped into the co-pilot’s seat. “We have a problem.”

               “What?”

               The twi’lek didn’t respond immediately, flipping switches instead. Fen could hear a wheeze of building pressure and a rattle from something. The ship dropped out of hyperspace and something else gave a loud band protest. Hera swore. “That’ll be the power couplings.”

               “What does that mean?” Fen asked, eyes unable to comprehend that vast emptiness that surrounded them on all sides.

               “It means we’re going to be stuck here until I realign them. It shouldn’t take more than a couple hours.” Hera sighed, flipping her lekku behind her head.

               “Anything I can do?” Fen asked, knowing the answer.

               Hera shook her head and left, wrench in hand. The ship had fallen silent as it drifted, a stifling silence that pressed down on her. She shook her head to clear away thoughts of running out of air and curled up, the exhaustion of the past day calling out of release. Her last thought was that, even if she died here, she would die free.

               Immediately, she knew something was wrong. She was not safe any longer. The ship had gone dark and strange noises groaned in the rear of the ship. Wishing desperately for a weapon of some kind, Fen slipped from her seat, fingers trailing against the walls. “Hera?” She called out quietly, desperate for an explanation of the sudden darkness and the cold that inspired goosebumps to prickle her bare arms. There was no response as she moved through the back, hands child by icy metal, rusty floorplates catching her feet.

               As she turned the corner, she let out a sigh as the permeating darkness was broken by a pale blue light from inside the engine bay. Relief was short lived as she rounded the corner, fear twisting around her throat. It was not Hera’s light as she had assumed, but a bacta tank, the swirling blue liquid emitted a pale glow that drew her in. She wondered how she hadn’t noticed it before. Fen moved closer still until her hand was pressed against the glass. The murky liquid seemed clear, with no one inside. She peaked around the smooth curves of the tank, Hera was no where to be seen. “Hera?” She called, regardless, shattering the silence. Somehow, she knew it was the wrong thing to do, even as the syllable left her lips. A hand suddenly slammed against the wall of the bacta tank.

               Fen screamed. She stumbled backwards, nearly falling. There was something inside the tank. A dark silhouette was now banging frantically against the glass. Slowly, trembling, Fen moved closer. She was barely breathing. Perhaps Hera was trapped inside. But no. The figure had long hair, tendrils floating in the murky liquid. They fanned behind the figure like a crown. Peering closer, Fen glimpsed a face. Her face.

               Pressure suddenly squeezed her lungs as Fen struggled to pound against the glass, her eyes squeezed shut against the gelatinous liquid that was trying to force its way inside. Furious, she kicked the wall of the tank. To no avail, the bacta surrounding her was too thick. She couldn’t get any momentum. She could barely move. Her brain screamed red for air, to open re mouth to breath. She couldn’t resist and she tried to suck in air. But there was no air, only more thick, viscous liquid, sliding into her mouth and down her windpipe, chest heaving. She tried to cough, only swallowing more. Bright lights popped against the blackness. She tried to open her eyes, but the bacta burned as darkness crept across her vision. Slowly, she drifted to the bottom of the tank, choking and gagging, heaving desperately for air enough to scream.

              

* * *

 

 

               Hera stepped back into the cockpit to find Fen asleep in the co-pilot seat, her eyes shut, whimpering under her breath. Cautiously, Hera approached, reaching out to gently shake the young woman awake. As her hand touched Fen’s bare arm, she felt suddenly breathless and deeply afraid. She jerked and stumbled backwards, holding her hand as though she had been burned. A moment later, Fen awoke, gasping for air, tears running down her cheeks. For a moment, they both recovered in silence.

               “Are you alright?” Hera asked when she felt herself able to speak again, Her pounding heart steadying. Fen nodded even as she wiped tears from her face, visibly attempting to pull herself together again. The human turned her eyes quickly to the space outside, rather than face Hera’s semi-accusatory glare. “What was that?” Hera persisted when it was clear no other comments or explanation was forthcoming.

               “What was what?” Fen looked over at Hera, eyes red and confused.

               “When I touched your arm, I felt… I felt like I was dying.” The twi’lek shuddered involuntarily.

               “Just a nightmare.” Fen said quickly, looking away again. “I’m sorry, that happens sometimes.”

               “Just a nightmare?” Hera repeat dubiously, but Fen only nodded. Deciding not to push her luck further, she changed the subject. “I’ve got the power couplings mostly repaired. We should be okay until we get to Ryloth and I can do some more serious work on this ship. Honestly, how anyone made it anywhere in this rust bucket is a minor miracle. She gave the ship an almost admiring look before sitting down and calling up the coordinates from the navi-computer. In a minute, they were underway.

               “How long do you think before we’re at Ryloth?” Fen asked, pale as a ghost.

               “About an hour. Did you see any food while you were cleaning? I’m starving.” That earned a small smile.

               “I found lots of food, you can have it all if you want to risk food poisoning.”

               “I’ll just wait, thanks.” Hera smiled back, determined to ignore her aching stomach. Her hunger was made even more acute by the thought of food from home, her mother’s cooking had always cheered her up. This thought was accompanied with a gut punch that had nothing to do with hunger. In her rush to go back home, the reason she had accepted such a long and potentially dangerous assignment had not been foremost in her mind. There would be none of her mother’s food waiting for her, or her mother’s equally famous hugs. Just her father and his cold determination. Hera swallowed hard, trying to convince herself that even without her mother, Ryloth was still home. But the overwhelming joy in her heart was gone, leaving something sour behind.

               “What’s wrong?” Fen asked, head half cocked as she looked over at Hera.

               “Nothing.” Hera lied, ‘”ust thinking about home.” To her relief Fen didn’t pry.

               Something in the ship gave a groan and Hera turned her thoughts back to the vessel. Whoever had been working on it clearly had some kind of death wish. She would need to re-wire most of it and she wouldn’t trust the backup hyperdrive to turn on, let alone take her anywhere. But this ship was hers now. It wouldn’t be her first, and based on her current record, it wasn’t likely to be her last, but her earlier thoughts of mining it for parts were gone. If she was going to free Ryloth of slavery, she might need a ship like this; large but agile with enough room to help people escape and the guns to keep them free. It would be almost poetic for a former slave ship to help slaves escape, to turn a symbol of terror into one of hope.

               Even now she was itching to get back into the engine bay and deal with some of the faulty circuity in the life-support systems, but common sense overrode that desire, convincing her to wait until she wasn’t depending on it for air if it decided to give up on her like the power couplings had. It would also be nice to add a couple of extra guns, just in case, slavers did tend to fight back. Perhaps her father would have some.

               With that her thoughts reverted. What was she going to say to her father? What would he think of her latest crusade. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to tell him where she had been for the past couple of weeks, what she had just escaped from. She didn’t want his pity, or even his anger on her behalf.

It had been a mistake and she had fixed it, with a little help. Fen. How was she going to explain the presence of a human? Could she work Fen into the story, without mentioning where they had met? Unlikely. Fen was also an ex-Jedi of some kind or another; Hera couldn’t recall if that had any aversion to lying or not. What if Fen revealed herself as a Jedi? Would her father want to use her in his fight against the Empire? Probably. She was unwilling to subject this girl to his cause, or his disappointment if she refused to fight or live up to his expectations. Hera had been on the receiving end of that enough, she didn’t want to wish it on the fragile girl sitting beside her.

               The ship rattled alarmingly as it dropped out of hyperspace, metal groaning under the stress. Hera’s attention however, was focused on the grey-green planet below. Fen unfolded slightly in the other seat, hope on her face. With practiced ease, Hera began to lower the ship towards the surface and home when static buzzed and a voice crackled to life over the comm link.

               “Unknown YT-1000 model freighter, this is imperial command, you are entering a restricted airspace. Please submit clearance codes and prepare for inspection.” The small smile slipped off of Hera’s face.

               “Transmitting clearance codes now.” Hera answered, reaching for the terminal, frantically looking for something that might pass for codes. Several seconds of scrambling slater, she gave up, sharing a nervous glance with Fen.

               “What are we going to do now?”

               Hera sent a silent prayer to the ship. “I’m going to outfly them.”

               “In this?” Fen looked around in dismay.

               “They’re not scaring me away from my home.” Her gritted her teeth and turned on the shields.

               “Unknown freighter, submit your codes or prepare to be fired upon.”

               Taking a deep breath, Hera put the ship into a nosedive towards the planet. “Do you know how to use the turret?” Wordlessly, Fen ran down the corridor, ladder clanging a few seconds later.

               “Two fighters incoming.” She called up.

               Hera twisted the ship into a barrel role as the plains of her home grew larger, filling her field of view. Bright green blaster bolts flew by on either side, a few hitting the ship which rumbled and groaned under the impact. Heart pounding, Hera angled the shields backwards and gritted her teeth. As they fell through the atmosphere, Hera called out, “How’s it going down there?”

               “These ships are really fast.” Fen sounded panicked.

               “Yeah, the latest model.” Hera sighed, resigning herself to out-flying them. She laid a hand on the trembling consol, begging the ship to stay together as the shields died with a final shriek. “Hang on!” She called, barrel rolling the ship and taking a 90 degree angle. There would be cover soon, the towering peaks rising form the plains, one of them was home, but they couldn’t go there until they had lost their tail.

               Behind her, there was an explosion as Fen hit one of the TIEs. Maybe they would make it after all. The ship was hit again and Hera nearly banged her had on the navi-computer. Several systems went critical all at once. The nearest of the peaks was only a couple dozen meters away, eyes fixed on it, she dropped the ship, twisting it around he jagged rocks as tightly as she dared, the ship wobbling wildly. The second ship blew up and Hera tucked the freighter under the shadow of the monolith.

               “We made it!” Fen beamed as she climbed awkwardly out of the gunner position.

               “For now, but we’re not quiet home yet.” Hera amended. “Was it you who shot down that last fighter?” Fen shook her head.

               “Rebel freighter come in.” Some one buzzed in over the comm, “Come in rebel freighter this is insurgent HQ.”

               “This is rebel freighter.” Hera answered, recognizing the accent as one of her own. “Was that you on the second TIE.”

               “Affirmative rebel freighter. We should be all clear for now. Move your ship to mark 11.257, she’ll be safe there.”

               “I read out insurgent command. We’ll head to mark 11.257 now.”

               “You trust them?” Fen asked, looking at the other ship, hovering just behind the rock spire, gleaming in the late afternoon sun.

               “I do. These are my people.” Hera smiled as she pulled the ship towards her father’s house.

               Several minutes later, they landed under a crevice in a cloud of dust. Coughing slightly, the duo emerged from the ship. Something heavy lifted from her shoulders as she looked up at the familiar rust covered rock. A door in the cliff face opened, a large orange twi’lek stepping outside, blinking in the dust and the sunlight. “Welcome home my child.”


	4. Chapter 4

Hera sat upright with a start, the remnants of protests and pleas lingering on her tongue, even as she felt the hot rays of a distant world against her face. As she blinked open her eyes, the illusion melted away, revealing the light of Ryloth’s bright orange sun streaming across her room. As she sat there, trying to control her racing heart, the door slid open.

“Chop!” Instantly, she was out of bed, all its former comforts forgotten as Hera knelt down by the squat orange droid who was screaming at her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come see you sooner. I got home and went right to bed!” The droid didn’t seem to believe her, blatting angrily.

“I know, no one here appreciates you like I do. But I’m back now.” She paused, listening to him as he continued berating her “Where was I? I was delayed on my mission, that’s all.”

She and the droid locked both eyes and photoreceptors for a moment before Chopper accepted her excuse. “Okay, I’ll get you an oil bath as soon as I can.” She smiled, rubbing at some of the grime on the top of the droid’s head. “Come on, let’s see if Fen’s up yet.”

“She’s a new friend.” Hera explained. “She’s a little lonely and scared right now so be nice.”

Chopper made another noise of protest.

“I know you’re always nice, but try extra hard with her okay?” The droid grumbled in acquiescence as Hera knocked on Fen’s door.

“Good morning.” Hera smiled at Fen, who still bore deep bags under her eyes, as though she had barely slept. The smile faltered slightly. “Are you alright?” As she watched, Fen seemed to draw within herself, straightening and brightening before she answered.

“I’m fine, how did you sleep?”

Hera paused a moment before letting the lie go unchallenged. “Pretty well.” The nightmares aside.”You hungry?” Fen nodded.

They had almost made it to the kitchens before they ran into Hera’s father. “Good morning daughter,” he paused and looked at his chrono, “or should I say afternoon?”

“Good afternoon father.” Hera straightened her back instinctively, placing herself between Cham Syndulla and Fen.

“It’s good to have you back.” He inclined his head.  
“It’s good to be back.” The slight tightness in Hera’s voice echoed in the pause that followed. Eventually, he nodded and kept walking. She stared at his retreating back for a long moment before entering the kitchen and began to gather food with slightly more force than was strictly speaking necessary.

“Is everything alright?” Fen’s voice was so quiet she almost missed it.

“Yeah,” Hera sighed loudly, dispelling her own illusions. “I just always forget what it’s like.” Fen cocked her head to the side. “Being home,” Hera amended. “His expectations, his ….” She trailed off.

“I know something of what that’s like.” Fen looked down at her socked feet.

Hera looked around the kitchen, confirming they were alone before asking “What was it like? Growing up with the Jedi?” She still whispered the final word anyway.

“It was strict.” Fen shrugged, not meeting Hera’s gaze. “They expected a lot from us. There was a lot of training, a lot of rules.” She looked up. “Did you tell your father what I was?”

“No, I....” She struggled for the words, “I don’t want him to ….use you, I guess.”

“Thank you.” Her stuttering was rewarded with a smile that illuminated Fen’s face, warmth filling her pale blue eyes. Hera smiled back, unreasonably happy with herself.

“Anyway.” She pushed away her half eaten plate, Fen’s food already gone. “Let’s go.”

Hera could have walked the route down to her workshop blindfolded and drunk. Clearly she was the only one, as when she opened the door, the scent of dust billowed out at her and the lights, when the turned on with a flicker, revealed the uninhabited space. Chopper gave a moan of dismay from somewhere around her knees as he saw the crusty residue in the oil bath.

“It’s fine buddy.” Hera patted the top of the droid’s head, taking a quick inventory of the space. Layers of dust coated the surfaces and the tools she had left behind, a snapshot of life interrupted. Had it been left this way on purpose, waiting for her return? Had anyone wandered in her, briefly forgetting she was gone? Hera wasn’t sure she wanted to know. For now, she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, sure they would resurface later.

“Can you help me with this?” She asked, gesturing to the oil bath. Fen nodded, grabbing a brush from the bench beside her.

It took longer than she had expected to get the place back in order, but with Chopper in the oil bath and out from under her feet, they managed to clean this place back to her satisfaction. “Well.” Fen surveyed the room, hands on her hips. “It’s barely recognizable.” She had a smudge of dirt across the bridge of her nose. Hera’s fingers twitched with the urge to wipe it off,but before she could act on it, the door hissed open.

“Father.” Hera stiffened.

“Hera.” His gaze swept the room, skipping over Fen once again. “You will be joining us for our mission this evening.” It was not a question. Her tongue was ready with words of agreement before her brain had processed the words. Before the words lefts her lips she glanced at Fen and the words stopped.

“Actually,” her heart seemed to be beating faster than normal. “Fen and I were going into Lessue tonight. I need supplies for Chopper and she needs some clothes.” Her father looked at her, truly looked at her, his eyes boring into hers and she felt herself retreating.

“The droid parts are more important that the rebellion?” She was in too far now to back down.

“The rebellion will survive without me for one night.”

“Very well.” Cham’s voice was as cold as ice. He left without looking back. As the door hissed shut, she let out a quiet sigh.

“That went better than expected.” Hera managed a smile as she looked over at Fen.

“That was better?” Fen’s eyes were wide as she regarded Hera.

“I was expecting him to insist.” She shrugged as she attempted to inject her voice with some lightness. “Are you okay with going into town tonight?”

“Yeah.” Fen looked at the overlarge clothes she had found in the spare room. “I could use something that fits.”

Unable to resist any longer, Hera reached out towards Fen’s face. “Sorry,” She said as Fen flinched. “You have dirt on your nose, that’s all.” She stood as still as a statue as Hera rubbed at the patch of grime that marred her pale face.

“Let’s go, Chopper needs to soak for a few more hours anyway.” The droid grumbled from his bath, but made no further protestations.

“Are you going to fix that up?” Fen asked, her voice dubious as they walked into the hanger bay and were face to face with their stolen ship.

“Yeah, it has spunk.” Hera smiled at the ship with more fondness than it deserved. It was now streaked with carbon scoring from the Empire’s TIEs in addition to being covered in rust. “Don’t worry!” She laughed as she saw Fen approach it with no small degree of trepidation. “We’re going to take some other ship today.”

“Good, I don’t really feel like getting back into that death trap.” Fen let out a nervous chuckle and backed away again, Hera’s smile broadening still further.

“Gobi?” Hera noticed a blue twi’lek striding across the hanger bay. “What ship are you guys using tonight?”

“Hera!” He ran over and squeezed her into a hug before she could protest, her body going rigid as she braced for questions. “It’s good to see you! Welcome back!” He took a step back to overseve her and smiled, hands on his hips.

“What ship are you using tonight?” She repeated

“The Lylek.” He gestured over to a medium sized freighter before jerking back and staring at her in confusion. “You’re not coming?”

 

“I just got back, I don’t think I’m up for a mission just yet.” Hera crossed her arms, bracing for impact.

“Are you sure? We could really use you tonight! I don’t think I can take any more of Krev’s flying!”

“I’m sorry, next time!” She said quickly. “I’m going into Lessu with the Mist then, I assume the clearance codes are up to date? Come one Fen.” She didn’t wait for Gobi to protest further as she strode as fast as she could across the tarmac, Fen half jogging to keep up with her.

In minutes, they were in the air and Hera sighed with relief as the ground fell away, along with much of her worry. The sky was bright and cloudless, the afternoon sun casting long shadows from the rock columns across the steppes. Beside her, Fen took in the scenery, devouring the new sites, squinting in the brilliant sun.

In what felt like no time at all, Hera put the ship down in the capital, the imperials having accepted her forged code clearance. Together, she and Fen stepped outside, into the late afternoon, where the orange of the setting sun reflected off of the high tan walls. For a moment, they both stood still. Fen with her head tilted up towards the sun, eyes closed and peaceful. Hera looked forward, breathing in the scent of spices in the air, absorbing the music and the laughter, feeling the heat of the clay walls after another day of blazing heat.

“Come on,” Hera said eventually. Fen jerked slightly as she grabbed her hand, but she didn’t pull away completely. She navigated with ease through the narrow streets, dodging vendors and stray animals, moving towards the music that always marked the center of the capital.  
She was pleased to see that, despites the increased signs of the empire, in large holo-posters and occasional troopers in gleaming white, the city was still mostly unchanged from her last visit to her hometown. The spirit of her people would not be so easily crushed.

“Just here.” She pulled fen though a low door and into a shop that seemed too full to be practical.

“Hera!” A voice called from behind a tower of machine parts. “You’re back!”

“I sure am Zuvo.” She smiled, weaving her way through the stacks of droid parts. “I need some more new servos for my astromech,” she paused to smirk at the orange twi’lek. “Or at least some that are only lightly used.”

“You insult me my dear.” Zuvo said with a smile that suggested the opposite. “Just over here. I’m sure I have something for you.”

“I’m sure you do.” She said with a laugh

 

* * *

 

 

It was all a lot to take in. Fen felt as though her senses were being assaulted. Around her, musicians played and people crowded. Foreign smells lingered on her tongue, and her eyes ached taking in the colors and the chaos. She tried to shrug it off. Had she not once lived on Coruscant? Did she not remember how it felt to walk through crowds of thousands, to feel the weight of three trillion souls on her mind?

Her appeal to logic did little to calm her frantic heart.

“Come on,” Hera was still holding her hand, solid and firm as they walked through the streets. Fen focused on that. “Let’s get you something better to wear.”

“I…” She stuttered, finally voicing her shame with hot shame in burning in her stomach.”I don’t have any credits.” She had nothing but her name and the scarred remains of her body.

“That’s fine.” Hera waved her free hand, unconcerned. “I’ve got this.” Her levity entirely failed to make Fen at ease. She had not come all this way to be beholden to someone else.

“I…” But even with just keeping these clothes, oversized and uncomfortable as they were, she would still be indebted.

“It’s fine Fen.” Hera stopped and looked directly into her eyes. Despite her fears, Fen could see the warmth there. “I have more than enough.”

“Thank you.” She managed and Hera squeezed her hand.

Trying on clothes was another nightmare all its own. Despite the baking heat of Ryloth, Fen was unwilling to reveal the scars that laced her body. However, the black turtleneck she had selected, despite Hera’s dubious glace, clung painfully to the sores around her neck. The tightness against her throat caused her heart to clench, but the idea of walking out in the thin shirt that revealed the open wounds made her want to be sick. Her fingers hovering a hair’s breadth from her neck, Fen stared into the mirror and her own pale face, white lips and pale blue eyes broken up by the dark bags underneath them. But her eyes were drawn ever downwards by the red mess around her neck and the bruises on her clavicles. Nothing would mark her as a former slave as fast as that.

She chose the turtleneck.

Hera gave her a confused look as they left, Fen pulling idly at the fabric around her neck, already starting to sweat in the cloying heat of the evening, but she remained silent as they walked to the nearest food vendors.

While Hera ordered something for the two of them, Fen stared out into the crowds, spotting the white armor of what could only be the stormtroopers Hera described. The armor they wore was a cousin of the ones she had seen a thousand times before, just similar enough to remind her of the sounds of blasterfire and screaming, the scent of mud and blood.

The troopers rounded the bend and Hera returned. “Trust me, it’s delicious.” She said, placing a box of some kind of noodle in Fen’s lap.

“Thank you.” Fen repeated, desperately wishing it were enough to absolve her of debt to this woman. The way Hera smiled back almost made her feel as though it was.

The noodles were good. They sat in silence and watched the beginnings of a party form around them, twi’leks of all colors dancing with abandon in the streets. Dancing for no one but themselves. It was a nice change. Another pair of troopers walked across the square, parting the growing crowd without effort.

“They’re not clones anymore.” Fen observed.

“How can you tell?”

“Something in the way they hold their blasters.” She watched as they departed, the past crowding in on the edges of her vision. Fen shook her heat to clear it and ate the last of her noodles.

They walked back to the ship, the sounds of the party fading into the distance behind them, along with the strings of lights and the smoky scent of food. In the relative quiet, Fen slowly relaxed, her knuckles bumping against Hera’s. Tension she didn’t know she carried melted away as they walked, alone through the city, the only two people in the world.

As they rounded the next corner, a few dozen meters for their ship, the illusion of peace vanished as the hair on the back of Fen’s neck stood up. “Wait.” She hissed, grabbing Hera’s wrist, pulling her back into the shadows of the alleyway.

A squad of stormtroopers came into view, walking slowly, blasters held less tightly than normal. Somehow they seemed more intimidating without a crowd around them. The sense of danger intensified. She reached half-heartedly for the Force, it did not answer, instead, itching, like a phantom limb.

“What have you got there.” The lead trooper asked, gesturing with his blaster to Hera’s bag of droid parts.

“Just some supplies for my droid.” Hera said, chin up. Fen’s sense of alarm changed to panic.

“Let’s see then.”

“No.”

“Just show them.” Fen pleaded in a whisper, voice tinged with desperation.

“No.” Hera repeated flatley before turning back to the troopers. “You have no right do this.”

The trooper simply laughed and reached for her bag, only for Hera to swing the bag full of metal as hard as she could against the side of his head. Fen took a step backwards into the shadows. Her heart racing a million beats a minute. The wounds around her neck pulsed with heat. Another trooper retaliated against Hera, swinging her baster, trying to catch Hera in the side of her head, but she ducked, swinging her leg out and tripping the storm trooper.

The third one landed a blow, slamming his food solidly into Hera’s stomach, she gaseped with pain, trying to pull herself back to her feet when the first trooper kicked her again. Blood was pounding in Fen’s ears. The fourth trooper was coming towards her now. She backed up again, trying to keep both Hera and the soldier in view, mind trapped in a loop of fear, empty of a plan. “On your knees.” He leveled his blaster at her.

For a heartbeat, Fen moved to comply without thinking, ready to kneel. Still on the ground, Hera tried again to struggle to her feet. How is this better? The thought danced across her mind like a mirage. It left anger in its wake. Like an inferno, white hot rage burst into life inside her as she stopped the motion of kneeling and stood, feeling the heat inside burn away her fear.

Instead of shying from it, she embraced it. Fen reached out for the Force.  
It answered.

It was as though she had awaken from a dream, as though she had been cured of blindness. The world around her sharpened and changed. She knew what was going to happen next. She knew how to stop it. Gripper her power tightly, Fen reached out a hand and clenched her fist.

The troopers were lifted into the air, all of them at once. They reached for their throats; blasters forgotten, fell to the ground. Fen was incandescent. Unafraid. Free. She burned with rage but it failed to touch her. The eye of the storm. Slowly, one by one, the soldiers died and she dropped them, bodies falling like discarded dolls. She could feel Hera staring at her, awe and fear mingeled in her eyes. She was alive again.

Unlike before, when the last body clattered to the ground, the Force did not vanish from her grip. Her anger cooled into embers and the Force retreated like a wave, no longer all consuming, but still there, in the back of her mind. Fen wiped away the tears she had shed, more falling to replace them as she let her consciousness wander, feeling the movement of souls, the life and death that surrounded her.

“We have to move.” Hera pulled herself together faster, interjecting into Fen’s moment of revelation. She returned to herself slowly, realizing the death around her. But she could not feel horror and what she had done. They had deserved this. Anyone who would hurt her, or Hera, deserved this kind of justice.

Together the girls ran through darkening streets, keeping to shadows and narrow alleyways. Fen let Hera lead as she took them on a roundabout route. Her lungs burned and her legs ached, but with a smile that was insufficient to express her joy, she simply reached for the Force, nestled in the smoldering ashes of her rage and her pain faded into the background.

They reached the ship as the last of the light faded and the street lights flickered on. In moments, Hera was able to lift the ship up into the air, blurting out clearance codes with a decent attempted at calm. “Are you alright?’ Fen asked as Hera held her stomach and winced.

“I think I’ll be okay. Just bruised. Thank you for getting us out of there.” Hera smiled faintly, something flickering deep in her eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that the updates to this have been ... sporadic, between finals and moving across the country to start a new job, I haven't had much dedicated time to write, hopefully I can get on a schedule now and get these out a little faster

Hera was quiet on the flight back to her father’s house. Fen failed to notice, lost in the depths of her power, exalting in her renewed strength. She reached out, sensing the life that lurked unseen below as the grass seas of Ryloth speed beneath them. Up here, untethered by the worries of the world, she was free. Fen could have lived in that moment forever, but even as she sat in the stillness, her anger continued to dim and reality returned with icy fingers down her spine. Old teachings, deeply ingrained whispered in the back of her mind. You weren't supposed to do that. She shook her head, trying to dispel the thought. There is no emotion. There is peace. None of what she had done had been peaceful, none of it emotionless. She hadn’t even spared a thought before killing four people. Stormtroopers perhaps, but people nonetheless.

She searched for something, anything else to distract her. “Do you wanna go to the medbay when we get back?” Fen broke the silence, willing the voices in her head away, focusing on Hera’s pain, flickering brightly in the Force.

“No.” Hera looked over at Fen, managing a smile. “I think I’m alright.” How many white lays already lay between them like a wall? An hour previously she would have been willing to just let it pass, but she could feel the truth now. Fen shook her head.

“You’re not alright, I can see it.” She paused and smiled, reveling in the knowledge she possessed. “I can also tell you’re lying.”

Hera passed a hand briefly over her stomach and sighed. “It’s not that bad, it might need a bacta patch.” Fen nodded, and in a few moment, had found one in the ship’s supplies, even as Hera waved her off. “I’ll do it later.”

Fen could think of no response for this. “Suit yourself.” She shrugged and slipped back into her seat. The silence resumed.

When they landed in the early twilight, the hanger bay was mercifully empty, spotlights illuminating the landing pad where the rebel’s ship had been. Cham Syndulla’s mission, whatever it had been, was clearly still ongoing. Footsteps resounding in the stillness, they walked through empty halls. When they reached Hera’s room, Fen hesitated, newfound confidence warring with fear. She hesitated long enough for Hera to gesture her inside.

As they both sat down on Hera’s bed, Fen noticed her flinching, hand moving for a moment to her stomach before returning to the bed. She waved the bacta patch in Hera’s face. Fen’s heart rate accelerated violently as Hera slowly took off her shirt. It was an odd reaction for a girl who had seen a hundred other slaves naked before. Feeling a flush against her cheeks, she focused very closely on preparing the bacta patch before moving her eyes directly to Hera’s stomach. Fen hissed at the sight of the dark purple-green bruise that covered much of the space.

With a slightly shaking hand, Fen pushed against Hera’s muscular shoulder to get her to lie down. She removed her hand quickly as Hera complied and her heart rate spiked again. When had been the last time she had reached out to someone without the looming threat of violence? Carefully, Fen laid the bacta patch across Hera’s stomach, trying not to touch any of her skin with her bare hands. Slowly, she moved back, unable to look up and meet Hera’s gaze, fearful her confusion would show on her face.

“Is that better?” She managed the glance up to Hera’s face, trying to keep her voice neutral. Hera nodded and Fen stood, making her way to the door, trying not to run, back to the other room, back to the thoughts that whispered to her in the dark corners of her mind. Her heart told her to pause, to look back. She quashed the sensation. Whatever this feeling was, she was sure Hera could not share it. Who would want a broken thing like you? If Hera wanted her to stay, she would say something. She did not. Fen left, making the short trip back to the neighbouring room, balling her fists and trying to control her disappointment.

She stood alone in the space, eyes closed until the door hissed shut, locking automatically. That sound alone was enough to send fear racing through her body, locking her in place like a statue. It felt only natural to reach for the warm center of rage within, rage that melted her fear like fire. Teachings told her it was wrong. She knew, even as she reached for it, but it didn’t feel wrong. It felt like everything she wanted. It felt like freedom.

“You have a gift for sensing emotion.” Her master had told her once, an eon ago. “You must be careful to keep yourself separate from the feelings of others, and from the feeling you yourself have.” How studiously Fen had nodded at that, how carefully she had applied his teachings. How little had any of it helped when it really mattered?

“The Jedi are gone.” She whispered to herself, arms wrapped around her stomach as she paced the length of the borrowed room. Then I am alone was the next thought, too terrible to be voiced out loud. There was still so much she had wanted to learn, had needed to learn. So much had been taken from her. The anger was so easy to lean against, the strength so tempting.

The Jedi had abandoned her to her fate, so what did she even care that they were gone? Had they ever cared for her? Should she bother to listen to their teachings? There is no passion, there is serenity. Why was it that the darkness was all that answered her?

“Maybe…” She muttered, thinking hard as she hoisted herself up onto the bed, folding her legs beneath her. With a routine long ingrained, she began to clear herself of feelings. Or tried to. She took a deep breath. There is no chaos there is harmony. She had to be empty to be a vessel for the Force, but emotions, and the memories behind them clung to her like vines. The harder she pulled against them, the tighter they grow. Her neck felt as though it were burning. She was choking. Fen could almost feel the cold metal on her neck, iron tang of blood in her mouth, other people’s hands, rough against her skin. She recoiled from the memories, fast as steam rising from hot metal and cold water.

She hit the bed, breath trembling in her throat, on the verge of tears. Again the anger beckoned her. Use it, some part of her yearned for this, was desperate to be free, free of her fear, of these imaginary shackles that still held her. Another voice pleaded: you can’t, there must be another way!

Already, the rage was growing roots inside of her; she tried to pull, to push it out, but even as she did so, sweat beading on her brow, she felt the Force fading. Fear weakened her resolve, but it vanished in a rush, leaving her feeling more like a husk than a vessel. Trembling, she sat up, empty of the Force once again. Blind and numb to the world around her. Like a child reaching for the warmth of a parent’s hand, she reached out of the tangle of anger and rage, reached out for the Force the Jedi had taught her. It did not answer.

Betrayed again.

She fell forwards, leaning on her knees with her hands on her face, tears of shame, of sorrow, of rage running down her face. Fen tried not to make a sound, unwilling to wake Hera in the next room. What was she supposed to do? What could she do? She twisted on to her side, exhausting filling her veins. Since when did reaching for the Force drain her like this? She drifted into a half-sleep even as the tears dried on her face.

What felt like moments later, she was awake again. She was back in chains with a thick band of cold metal around her neck. No matter how hard she strained, she could not break free.

The illusion was replaced with reality as she awoke to the sound of her own screams, her fingers crusted with blood as she clawed at her own neck, re-opening the wounds. She didn’t understand where the metal bands had gone, why was she warm? Why was the ground soft? The lights sensed her movements and turned on, revealing the room, reminding her. Terror receding to panic, Fen staggered to the bathroom, pulling the sweater away, already growing stiff with blood. Trembling with adrenaline and fear, she tried to wash she blood from under her fingernails, smearing it across the counter. She moved her hands to her neck, but they stopped against her will, unwilling to touch the weeping sores or the claw marks she had gouged into them.

As she forced herself to rub away the edges of blood that covered her neck, Fen had to resist the urge to vomit. These were her own hands, she was alone, she was safe. Why did it feel like her own hands were strangling her? Pathetic. A thought echoed in the back of her mind. Weak.

“No,” She whispered, her voice hoarse. “I’m…” The word ‘fine’ lodged in her throat, such a profound untruth, she could not even state it to herself.

Broken, useless girl. You should have stayed where you belonged.

Anger smoldered to life inside of her. She had not the strength or the will to resist its pull. With anger, the Force roared into being. Fear was vanquished. She was whole. With less of an urge to vomit, she wiped the rest of the drying blood from her neck and the sweater and tried to brush it from her hair, wishing she had another bacta patch.

Force flowing through her veins once more, she sensed something new. Fear, but not her own. Carefully, she reached out with her mind to Hera, a nightmare stalked her like a shadow. Steadying herself against the counter, Fen acted without hesitation, brushing her mind against Hera’s, just enough to wake her from her own struggles. Enveloping herself fully in the Force, she shuffled back to her bed, not quite ready to fall asleep again. Despite her wishes, she drifted off moments later, still clinging to the Force, and the growing darkness inside of her.

 

* * *

 

Hera awoke with her heart racing, a scream burning in the back of her throat. It dissipated as consciousness returned to her, leaving behind a strange sensation in the back of her mind, like the ghost of a touch. The feeling sent a shiver down her spine, leaving her unsettled. Sighing, she sat up, staring into the empty quiet of her room. Her mind felt pulled to Fen, probably asleep in the next room. Why hadn’t she stayed? She hadn’t even looked back. The ghost of her fingers dancing lightly across Hera’s bruised stomach sent another chill through her body, but not an unpleasant one. But Fen had pulled away, Fen had not looked back. She let out another, longer sigh and tried to push away the confusing ball of feelings. Hera did not want to deal with this right now.

She lay back down, focusing on steadying her heart, her breathing, forcing her mind down old, well-worn trails of thought. What was she going to fix on Chopper next? Which parts of the new ship would need to be replaced first? Machines, no matter how complicated, how broken had an internal logic, they could be fixed with a little time, effort and the right parts. It was no matter to trace the paths of the wires, to find the short circuit, to replace it. How could she fix these nightmares? How could she stop Fen from flinching whenever someone so much as moved towards her? She was at a loss. Perhaps time would heal these wounds.

But until then?

 

Hera thought again of Fen, the girl tugging at her mind like a lodestone. She had killed four stormtroopers today without breaking a sweat. Fen’s face in that moment was burned into the backs of her eyelids; wild, luminous. Beautiful. Unafraid. Her timidity burned away in an instant. What would it be like to have power like that? To be able to take hold of your fate? But from what she had seen, that kind of power brought trouble, brought attention. How long before someone caught on? It sent a pain through her heart to note that she was just as afraid of her father figuring it out as the Empire. Want it or no, Fen was a powerful weapon, today she had killed four stormtroopers, what more was she capable of?

Her thoughts flowed back to that mirage of an idea, saving the slaves of Ryloth. Fen had said she would help her with that. Together, perhaps, they could make a difference. Where would she start? Here, or further out? The idea of taking down a Hutt was appealing, but Ryloth needed help too. She almost got up to start looking at possible targets when the door hissed open. A child like instinct made her still her body and close her eyes, faking sleep, just in case.

The instinct was correct. She knew as soon as she felt the bed sink slightly. Her father. Who else would invade her privacy in the middle of the night? She tried to slow her breathing, make it steady. She was far too tired to fight with him right now.

“Hera?” His accented whisper was loud in the stillness. When she did not respond, he ran his hand gently down the length of her lekku like she was a child.

“You should have come with us today. We could have used you.”

“Used me?” Hera sat up, fake sleep forgotten. “I am not a tool.” The resentment inside her was blooming faster than she could control. “I am your daughter in case you had forgotten.” She could not hide the tears in her voice.

“Hera,” He paused, she could not see his face, but she could picture him searching for the right words. “That is not what I meant and you know it.”

“Then what did you mean, because I don’t know.”

“You are a skilled warrior, an excellent pilot. Both of these things would have helped our cause tonight.”

“Why, did you fail?” The taunting note was that of a petulant child and she knew it, but she couldn’t help it.

“No, but our escape was not easy.”

“But you were fine without me. I was gone for weeks and you managed.” Stop there, she thought to herself, but she was angry now. “Did you even care that I was gone?” Had he even worried as her planned week-long mission had stretched from two to three and on without contact?

“Of course I did, you are my child.”

“Well it sure doesn't feel like it.”

“Hera this attitude is unbecoming of you. You know what we are fighting for, you know that sacrifices must be made. Your mother-”

She cut him off, trying not to yell lump in her throat nearly choking her. “No. You do not get to bring mother into this. She would have…” She would have cared, she would have held Hera and told her that everything was going to be alright, that the cause came second to her happiness. Hera realized with horror that she was crying. Awkwardly in the dark, her father tried to hold her but she pushed him away.

“Just go.” She whispered

“You are not being rational.”

“Go!” Finally, mercifully, he complied, the door hissing shut. She sat there, alone in the dark, trembling as she fought to control her tears, wincing as her stomach burned slightly. Then she stood, unable to stand the inaction and headed for her workshop, wiping unshed tears from her eyes.

Her most constant friend greeted her at the door, wailing about how she had abandoned him again, complaining about his condition, the rust, the way his left tire was ticking, the lack of mobility in her arm servos. Some of his rage abated upon seeing the new parts she had brought.

“It’s alright Chop,” She managed a smile as she rubbed the top of the droid’s head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He made a sound of disbelief as she squatted in front of him and got to work.

“I mean it.” One of the servos was jammed, she began to clear it. “I have things I want to do here.” She laughed at his response. “Other than fixing you. I want to help people. More than just what father does.” Hera paused, searching for the right words. “I don’t think we can afford to wait until the Empire is defeated before we start helping individual people who are suffering.”

Chopper beeped a question.

“Yes, obviously the Empire has to be defeated. But there are people, people here and now that need to be helped, people who can’t wait for that day. My father can’t seem to see that.” She looked down her wrists where manacles had so recently been grating her skin. “But I can’t ignore there suffering anymore.”

“That’s quite a speech.” Hera started, spinning around to see Fen in the doorway. Lost in her work and her thoughts, she hadn’t heard it open.

“Why are you awake?” Hera fumbled, trying to recover.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Fen smirked slightly, walking into the room and crouching beside her and Chopper. “You still want help on this crusade of yours? It’s kind of the Jedi thing to do, and now that I can be useful again…” A shadow crossed Fen’s eyes as she spoke of the Jedi, but it passed in a heartbeat. Hera smiled.

“You were always useful Fen.”

Fen dropped her eyes to the ground. “Kind of you to lie to protect my pride.” There was a ghost of a smile in her words, but none of it’s warmth.

Acting on instinct, Hera lifted up Fen’s chin, ignoring her slight recoil at the motion. “I mean it.” For a moment, Hera managed to hold her gaze, staring into their pale blue depths before letting go reluctantly. There was a moment of silence.

“What brought you down here?” Hera pulled herself together first.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Fen worried the top of her turtleneck between her fingers. Everything Fen had bought had a similar neckline. It was a warm choice for Ryloth, especially for someone not used to the heat. Hera’s neck had a few marks around it too, but it was only a little inflamed, nothing to worry about. “I..” Fen fumbled for her words. “You were awake too.”

“Do you want to help with Chopper’s other arm?” Hera asked, trying her best to ignore the warm bubble of hope in her heart. She crouched back down and Fen followed. “We’re going to take this one out and replace some of the most corroded wiring and attach the new one we bought today.” She explained, pointing out the various components. Fen crouched beside her, close enough that Hera could see the veins standing out against her pale skin. Perhaps they both should do something about this lack of sleep. But that would mean talking to a medical droid, telling them what had happened. It would get back to her father one way or another. His reaction was not something she wanted, be it pity or anger. “Can you grab the wrench?”

It took the better part of an hour to replace the wiring and the arm and for Chopper to test it appropriately. By then, the sky outside was beginning to lighten, and faint sounds of movement were coming from the rest of the house. Fen was on the counter, leaning against the wall with legs crossed and eyes closed. She had claimed to be meditating, but she might have finally fallen asleep. Letting out a sigh, Hera slid to the floor, leaning against one of the cabinets. I’ll just close my eyes for a minute. She thought, they were so heavy, but still, she could feel the nightmares that lurked behind them. The last thing she saw was Fen, her thoughts beginning to twist into circles as she succumbed to exhaustion, her mind fixed on Fen’s intense eyes, on the stormtroopers struggling in the air, of the confusing tightness in her chest. It faded slowly as she finally drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera and Cham's rebel activities begin to catch up with them. Fen is caught in the middle

Hera woke up as she finished her slide from counter to floor, her head hitting the ground the moment after waking. Rubbing her head and grimacing at her sore back, she looked up to where Fen sat, still seemingly asleep, still in apparently the same position as before.  _ Jedi.  _ Hera thought, shaking her head before turning her attention to Chopper, who had started to beep at her the second she was awake. 

 

“Slow down,” Hera stood, stretching her arms well above her head and rolling her shoulders, feeling her back pop. “What about the empire?” The droid collected himself for a moment. “They’re here?” Beside her, Fen jolted awake, her feet hitting the ground softly a moment later. 

 

“Who’s here?” Fen asked, yawning and stretching like a cat. 

 

“The empire’s coming, they’re performing an inspection, Chopper thinks they’ll be here in about half an hour.” All of Fen’s ease vanished in an instant, muscles tensing. 

 

“The empire is coming here?” There was a slight wobble in her voice that Hera could not brush off as grogginess. Outside, someone ran down the hall, shouting indistinctly. For a moment, they stared at each other in silence while Hera tried to recall what her father had told her to do in these situations. 

 

“We need to get this place looking less like a base and more like a house.” Hera’s eyes swept the space, trying to be analytical, as her father had told her to be, to look at the space from the empire’s point of view. There. On the far counter, some supplies that she could use to make bombs. “Can you grab those wires, divide them up randomly and put them in different drawers.” Fen nodded and Hera grabbed the metal casings. Hopefully, they would be easier to overlook this way. Grabbing some corroded blaster parts she had been trying to salvage, Hera cast them into the incinerator, she could find more later. 

 

The rest of the workshop looked innocuous enough, she mostly kept droid repair equipment in the space anyway. There would be rooms that needed much, much more help than this. The armoury came to mind. “Let’s go see if we can help anyone else.”

 

Outside of the sanctuary of Hera’s workshop, the rest of the house was in chaos, like an anthill overturned. Twi’leks ran left, right and center, carrying boxes of ammunition, plans for future attacks, everything, anything that would make the officers suspicious. As Hera passed the hanger bay, she paused long enough to see sparks flying as someone tried to quickly transform fighters back into freighters. 

 

Fen nearly ran into Gobi as they rounded the bend to the armoury. “Sorry!” He shouted, muffled behind a box of thermal detonators. “I didn’t see… Hera!” He spotted her around the corner of this load. “You know what’s happening?” 

 

“Sort of, the Empire is coming to do an inspection? Do you know why? Is it routine or something else?” 

 

“We’re not sure. They may have spotted us on our way back from the mission last night or this could be them just trying to exercise their new authority.” 

 

“New authority, what did I miss?” 

 

“Oh, right, you don’t know yet! The moff is as useless as ever but we’ve got a new colonel, name’s Dray. He seems a little more active than the last one, still got something to prove I guess, but it’s pretty inconvenient for us.” There was a paused where Hera couldn’t help but wonder if the pilot, it had been Krev, had been the one that caused this. If so, it was her fault. She could have been flying. She would have known how to avoid any hidden imperial lookouts. Her thoughts were interrupted by a hand on her arm, she jumped slightly, looking over at Fen. 

 

“Which way to the armory?” 

 

“This way.” Hera said, pulling herself together and giving Gobi a nod. Despair, guilt, these feelings would have to wait, for now, they had to keep moving. 

 

The remaining twenty minutes before the empire landed was nothing but a blur of movement. She carried one heavy box and then another, moving them to the designated hiding spots that she had forgotten she had memorized up until that moment. Her father had seen this day coming, his plans had usually hoped for an hour noticed, but as the shuttle came in for a landing, Hera looked around and had to admit, they had done alright. The blasters, the ammunition and stores had all been hidden in secret rooms and compartments throughout the house. Many of the twi’lek rebels had left via secret underground tunnels or were hiding somewhere down in the warren of carefully dug pathways under her feet. 

 

It was just as the shuttle was about to land that she remembered Fen, who stood out precariously from the line of brightly colored twi’leks, her dark hair drawing the eye like a candle in the dark. “Fen.” She hissed

 

“Yes?” Her eyes were wide as she fiddled with the edge of her sweater, revealing a glimpse of bright red scars beneath. 

 

“I think it would be best if you went down into the tunnels with everyone else, I’d rather not have them choose to question you over everyone else, just because you’re human.” 

 

She nodded, beating a retreat as the shuttle kicked up a storm of dust upon landing. She had only been in Hera’s life for a short time but as she vanished around a corner and as the shuttle landing ramp descended, Hera’s chest felt slightly hollow. Her spot was quickly taken by Cham, and Hera turned back to face the approaching stormtroopers, only marginally more pallid then Fen’s high cheekbones. Between the armored men walked a plain main in a drab olive uniform, the source of their trouble. Dray. Some of her anger must have shown on her face. Cham gripped her shoulder suddenly, so tight she could feel the bruises forming beneath his fingers. Hera plastered a smile on her face instead of the snarl she felt.

 

“Welcome,” Cham gave a short bow, “It is a pleasure to welcome you all into my humble home. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

 

The colonel stopped in front of Hera and Cham, gaze sweeping the line of twi’leks who were ostensibly dressed as servants. His eyes raked her up and down a few times, she resisted the urge to shudder. “I am colonel Dray. We are here to conduct a search of this area for suspected rebels. An insurgent vessel was seen near this area last night.” Hera’s heart sunk. This was her fault. “If you have any information about such activities in this area, I recommend you speak up now.” He was only a few inches taller than Hera, but he looked down at her as though he were a giant and she just an ant. 

 

“I am sorry, but we cannot help you, we haven’t seen anything, have we, daughter?” He put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close as she shook her head. The colonel almost rolled his eyes. 

 

“We will be inspecting your … home,” He paused, staring up at the tower of rock and sand above him out of which the former governor’s palace, her home, had been carved from. “To ensure that it has not been compromised by insurgents.” Dray finished. 

 

“Of course.” Cham stepped aside, gesturing the troopers into the building. 

 

Hera felt her chest ready to explode as she followed the imperials through the house, adrenaline coursing through her, ready for her to run at any moment. 

 

“You have a lot of ships for just the two of you.” Dray commented in the hanger bay, they hadn’t managed to get any of the ships out with the empire so close, but they did now mostly look as though they were cargo ships in a state of semi-repair. 

 

“My daughter,” Cham threw his arm around her again. “She loves to repair ships.” Dray didn’t look like he believed him, even though in this instance, it was the truth. 

 

The colonel himself didn’t manage to find anything, or piece together enough facts to accuse them on the spot. It didn’t matter. They were almost at the end of the tour when a trooper ran up. “Sir! Sir!”

 

“Yes?” The eagerness with which the colonel answered was not promising. 

 

“We found some rebels in the basement.”

 

“Rebels?” Cham managed to respond, even before Dray opened his mouth. “Those are not rebels. Those are the rest of my servants.” The calm derision with which he spoke made Hera proud of him, for an instant. “I thought it best to keep most of them out of your way while you performed your inspection.”

 

“How… thoughtful of you.” Dray did roll his eyes this time. “Bring them up, will you?” The stormtrooper saluted and headed back the way he had come. 

 

The twi’leks managed to look appropriately confused and a little afraid as they were brought up the stairs and into the main foyer of the house. A couple of dozen in all, their outfits were all casual enough to make it plausible they were servants. The main issue was when it came to Fen. Just as Hera had feared, she stood out like a togruta in a snowstorm. Her face was stoic enough, and nothing about her bearing immediately screamed as though she were out of place. Despite Fen’s facade of calm, Hera fancied that she knew her well enough to see the fear beneath the mask. 

 

“Who are you?” Dray made a beeline for Fen. Hera didn’t have to look for her father to feel the thundering rage he was emitting. Much like this whole debacle, the presence of Fen was on Hera’s shoulders alone. 

 

“My name’s Fen.” She was smart enough to to even try and look at Hera, but instead held eye contact with Dray. “I work here.”

 

“Really?” His tone could not have been more different, gone was conescention, in its place, concern. Fen nodded, still toying with her sleeve. Hera restrained herself from leaping in between the two of them, to protect Fen. “Are they forcing you to work here against your will?”    
Hera was ready to kill Dray.

 

“Of course not.” Fen spat, looking offended as the suggestion. The colonel paused for a long moment, rubbing his chin and scanning the group of assembled twi’leks. 

 

“Very well.” His eyes fixed on Hera’s. Something terrible was about to happen. “You and Fen will come with me.” Cham’s hand gripped her arm like a vice. 

 

“You will not be taking my daughter anywhere.”

 

“That is not up to you.” Dray gestured and the stormtroopers pulled Hera from her father. She had never wanted to leave him less. She managed a glance over her shoulder at Fen, who had gone white as she was gently removed from the line and towards Hera. The last thing she saw before being pushed onto the shuttle was her father’s shocked face. 

 

* * *

 

 

There were too many of them. Her eyes flicked between the ten troopers that sat on either side her her and Hera. In the cockpit she could see the pilot and the colonel, to take them all out, before anyone could shoot her or Hera, was going to be impossible. If she took the risk and failed, her mind shied away from thoughts of Hera’s broken body. No, she would have to wait it out. 

 

As soon as she had decided upon inaction, it became that much harder to control the raging Force that was swirling inside her like a maelstrom. She wanted to let it out, to relieve the pressure like a dam cracking. Instead, Fen closed her eyes and tried to focus on breathing as the shuttle rocked its way up through the atmosphere. How many times had she ridden a gunship like this, troopers in white armor all around her, trying to control the fear of another day at war, another field of death and destruction? Fen had done it before. She could do it again. It may not be a warzone where she was going, but there would be a battle, another battle for her life. 

 

Through the haze of her own anger and fear, she could sense Hera, terror as sharp and bright as a knife. Opening her eyes, the world of the Force and the world of her senses merged, and she locked eyes with Hera, directly across from her. They both held that gaze as though to break it would be death. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a sliver of space through a viewport and the bright green moon drawing ever closer, until it filled her view. Focusing back on Hera, Fen tried to swallow, to force her fear back deep down inside, but her heart was pounding her throat and it was all she could do not to scream. She may not be in as bad of a position as Hera, but just because she wasn’t manacled did not mean she was free. 

 

_ I can’t do this again.  _ If she could not be free, she would die. This time, she would end her life rather than submit, if it came to that. 

 

The shuttle came to a rest, shuddering as it hit the ground, her body tensed as the door hissed open and she blinked in the sun, letting a stormtrooper lead her by the arm. As she stepped into the sun, she couldn’t help but pause, head tilted up to bask in the warmth of the tropical sun. Her mood lifted slightly despite herself. A heartbeat later, she was being lead along again, lead to a sumptuous building, glittering with transparisteel. She twisted her head back to see Hera, being dragged along by handcuffs and anger nearly consumed her. But the same problems still remained, if not worse, as she noted the stormtroopers on either side of the door. 

 

The building was beautiful, full of dappled green light, streaming in through the forest canopy and the large windows. Their steps were soon padded with thick carpet and the soft aroma of flowers suffused the air. All of this beauty withered to ash in Fen’s mouth as she saw the slaves. All twi’lek whose skin matched Hera’s to within a few shades. Once they were done with whatever they had planned for Hera, Fen could guess her intended fate. The long hall concluded with an office containing a single human woman. Here, Dray paused and Fen detected a brief whiff of fear, quickly disguised under smugness and bravado. 

 

“M’am,” the woman turned around slowly, and tried to fix Dray with a bleary stare. Fen had seen enough spice addicts to know what she was looking at “I have brought you the daughter of the rebel Cham Syndulla and a human prisoner they were holding.” 

 

The Moff only had eyes for Hera. Steps a little wobbly, she advanced, grabbing Hera’s face, twisting it this way and that, eyes narrowed with an undue effort at concentration. “Beautiful.” She pronounced, stepping back slightly. Fen’s skin crawled, a furious beat inside her chest ready to strangle that woman. But there were still too many troopers. 

 

Then the woman’s hazy eyes turned to Fen who took a step backwards into a stormtrooper. “It’s alright.” Dray spoke, looking down at her with something like concern in his eyes. “We’re here to help you, you’re safe now.” 

 

“What are you called?” The moff asked, her eyes had an eerie intensity, though the rest of her expression was vague. 

 

“Fenrian Thenaxia.” Her whole name sounded odd on her tongue, underused, half-forgotten. 

 

“Fenrian.” The moff stepped closer, Fen could see the veins in her eyes. There was a long pause, Fen didn’t breath, every inch of hair on edge. Then she stepped back. “Find her a guest suite. Prepare the daughter for interrogation.” Fen was frozen as Hera was pulled away, she could do little but watch her go, panic rising like a tide in her. Tears were rising in her eyes but she didn’t dare let them fall or it could be her being interrogated next. 

 

“Dray.” The moff’s voice had changed, grown sharper, more focused. The colonel snapped to attention growing paler. “You’ve taken an awful risk in bringing her here. The twi’leks are all on the verge of rebellion. If she doesn’t confess…” Dray was as pallid as a ghost, a bead of sweat forming on his forehead. Fen reveled in his misery. 

 

“She will confess m’am.” 

 

The moff dismissed him with a wave of her hand, collapsing back into her seat with a heavy sigh. “Bring me my wine-girl!” She shouted at yet another pale green ghost. “And you.” She pointed at Fen, hand trembling ever so slightly. “You will join me for dinner.” Fen nodded, pulse racing, ready to run from this place. 

 

Instead, she followed another slave down the hall. It was a strange sensation, to be on the other side of this same equation. But of course, she could not help but to see these women, to feel their suffering, unlike the moff getting drunk in her office. She didn’t need the Force to know their pain, the resignation, the quiet despair that permeated this building. It was all she could do not to fall into the sinkhole of her own memories of this place. 

 

“Dinner will be in an hour.” The slave gestured her into her room. “The moff has prepared an outfit for you.” On the bed, something glittered. “Is there anything else you need my lady?” The slave kept her eyes on the ground. 

 

“Just call me Fen,” She didn’t know what to do. “Just…” Just go kill your master, rip her limb from limb and burn this place down. There was anger buried deep inside this woman and Fen ached to help her release it, to release her own frustration on this building, that woman. All this and more she wanted to say.  “I’m fine for now.” The words slipped out off her tongue, leaving the bitter taste of cowardice in her mouth. 

 

The dress laying on the bed was a deep green concoction. She had worn dancing outfits made of more fabric. She could barely make herself touch it, let alone put it on. Which was good, because she didn’t intend to be here long enough for someone to force her into it. She was about to go for the door when someone knocked softly. “Yes?”   
  
“I have a droid that claims to belong to you.” Another slave stepped aside, allowing the squat form of Chopper through the door. She left without another word. 

 

“Chopper!” Fen dropped to the floor and clung to the droid, her wisps of plans seemed more feasible now. “Did you sneak aboard the shuttle? Never mind that, Hera’s been captured and taken for interrogation. They think that I was her prisoner and that they’ve se me free.” Chopped scoffed and Fen had to smile. 

 

“If you said what I think you said, I agree. Let’s go get Hera.”

 

Chopper had a map constructed from the central computer in a matter of minutes. The hallways were nearly deserted, and for those that weren’t, all it took was a little false confidence to avoid immediate detection. The entrance to the prison block was only slightly more problematic. Two stormtroopers stood on either side of the door, but she knew it before she had come into view. A few days ago, that would have been enough to stop her. Now, now it took only an instant to draw on the Force. The rage and fear inside of her begging for release. She let the emotions fill her until she was burning like a sun.

 

The men died without a sound and she managed to lower the bodies quietly to the floor while Chopper jammed the security cameras. Hera’s cell was easy to spot, with two more troopers that died as quickly as their brethren. When the door hissed open, Hera was not alone, a few other twi’leks cowered in the shadows, but Hera stood in the middle, a smile across her face. 

 

“I knew you’d come.” Fen smiled, delight and fear struggling uncomfortably in her heart. 

 

“Let’s get out of here!” Adrenaline was awash through her veins, ready to grab Hera’s hand and run like her life depended on it. 

 

Hera shook her head, sending ice water through Fen’s veins. “No.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While trying to escape the Moff's palace, Fen goes deeper into the Force and Hera tries to wrangle her emotions.

“No.” Hera said quickly, eyes pleading. “Not yet, we can’t leave them.” Fen’s heart was beating so loud it was deafening.

“We have to go now, we have to get out of here.” She had stalled, her lips echoing her repeating thoughts. _Run, run before they catch you._ The Force was pounding through her veins, blurring the physical world while reminding her of the danger that surrounded her.

“Fen.” Hera reached out, trying to grab her arm but Fen jumped backwards, just out of reach. “We can’t just leave these girls here.” She was talking so slowly, so calmly, didn’t she know what danger they were in?

Fen stared at Hera, the Force was a swirl of panic and adrenaline, the feelings of the prisoners and Hera blending together and mixing with her own sense of urgency. She couldn’t think. Hera reached for her hand again, this time gripping it tightly. Pins and needles that had nothing to do with the situation at hand rushed through her. Like a lightning rod, she was grounded; Fen took a deep breath, processing what Hera was saying. “Okay, do you have a plan.”

“Uhh,” Hera looked around, not dropping her hand. “We need to get weapons and a ship, we’ll also need a map.” Hearing Hera, Chopper abandoned his post and rolled around the corner.

“Chop! You snuck aboard?” Hera smiled brilliantly, squatting down in front of the droid. “You’ve got a map? Let’s see!”

A few seconds analyzing the holomap and Hera began to speak. “There are a lot of stormtroopers between here and the hanger bay.”

Fen twisted her head to get a better view of the map. “And between here and the armoury. I’m not sure I can take down that many people.” Hera shot her a curious glance and she felt suddenly unsure.

“Then we need a distraction.” Hera put her hands on her hips and looked around. “You were supposed to join the Moff for dinner right?” Fen felt her unease edge towards panic.

“Yes, why?”

“Can you still make it on time?”

“Yes,” Fen said slowly, trying to find another way. “But I don’t think…”

“If you go and make a huge scene of some kind, that could work.”

“What kind of scene?” Her chest was suddenly and uncomfortably tight.

“I’m sure you’ll come up with something.” Hera was resolute.  

“Hera…”

“Fen.” They locked eyes and she shuddered.

“I...I don’t know if I can…”

“Of course you can. We need to get going.” For an instant, she thought of Cham. There was almost nothing she would rather do less, but Fen turned around and walked back to her room, dread increasing with every step.

She met no one on the way, no one on which she could vent her frustrations. The dress waited in the room, still laying on the bed; dark and glittering like some kind of snake, ready to strike. Precious seconds slipped by as she stared. Fen made herself take one step, then another towards it. Her breathing sounded loud in her own ears. Another step. She reached out her hand, finger catching on the metallic shards that gave it its sheen. Memories filled her stomach with a violent rush and she staggered backwards, ready to be sick. Sweat beaded on her brow, a chill running down her spine.

Two thoughts occurred to her simultaneously, locking her in place; _I can’t do this_ and _Hera’s counting on me._ Paralyzed by indecision, Fen did the only thing she could think to do. She reached out for the Force, enfolding herself in it. Fear faded for an instant and she took advantage of it, stripping and putting the dress on as fast as possible. Even as she pulled the zipper shut, she wanted this horrible thing off. Hands balled into fists, she walked to the mirror, loathing and nausea warring within. With a mental image of Hera looming large, Fen closed her eyes, reaching further into the Force.

But fear alone could not get her far enough. Anger lurked in the back of her heart, anger she could use to get her through this. She could used it to help Hera and the rest of the twi’leks trapped here. It would be so easy… Her mind rebelled against the idea, even as her heart reached for it. She had been told it was wrong, anger was the path to the dark side, to ruin and destruction and the death of everything she loved. Or so the Jedi had said.

Either way, she did not have much time. Already, the memories of the past dragged at her ankles, threatening to pull her under. Head in her hands, she tried to think despite the dress pooling around her feet and memories thick like clotting blood.. _Just this once._ When would she need to wear a dress like this again? When would she be so reminded of all those nights passed in a grey haze of misery? She could just use it once. Heart pounding, Fen pushed past her fear and found the anger buried deep within. Half a heartbeat of hesitation. It called at her like a siren song. _You were loyal, you did everything the Jedi said to, you followed their code, and what did it get you? Prison, torture, slavery, worse. Why do you cling to their rules when they have already failed you so completely?_

She couldn’t deny it. Fen welcomed in the anger, letting it rush through her, boiling away her fear. She opened her eyes and stared into her pale reflection. She was not comfortable. She never would be. But now, she could see it was irrelevant. There was a job to do and an outfit wouldn’t stop her.

As if on cue, the door opened, revealing yet another twi’lek. “If you’ll follow me, my lady.” Fen nodded, body so full on energy she didn’t dare speak for fear she would yell. She had been electrified, every nerve tingling, her eyes wide, trying to take in all she could see and all she could sense. The twi’lek in front of her glowed in the Force, less afraid then resigned, les resigned than simply bored with the mundane tasks of her life. Fen, drunk on the Force, eagerly reached for more inside of the slave’s head, but found the twi’lek’s brain arranged with a different logic than her own, a strange tune where she could not find the melody.

This much power in her veins, she had not known it was possible. What damage could she cause, what destruction could she bring? What could she become? A possible future stretched before her, wild and fearless. The dress twisted around her ankles, the collar grated around her neck, drawing her back down from euphoric heights while filling her with rage. Her fingers reached up and pulled at the collar as the twi’lek let her into the dining room.

The Moff was alone, mildly bored and mildly high. “You.” She greated Fen, who removed her hand from her neck with skin under her nails and tried to refocus on the Force. Fen walked towards Moff Mors, her hands clenched tight, neck burning. “You look … lovely.” The Moff’s gaze burned as though she were being raked by coals instead of eyes. Assessed, like a piece of meat at a fishmonger’s market. She was going to be sick.

The Moff stepped back, her attention turned away and Fen had to stifle a gasp of relief. “Please sit.” She said and Fen slowly advanced, her eyes scanning the table for anything she might use as a distraction. Choking the Moff was an option of course, but she might not make a sound before she died and screaming would be much more effective. A distant part of her was horrified by this. But it was soon distracted. There, a carving knife. She sat down across from the woman, flickering her gaze between the glittering blade and its target. A row of slaves entered, bearing plates of food. The dress was far too tight against her scars. It was now or never.

Fen drew on the Force and the anger that simmered within. She pushed back her chair and in one swift motion, grabbed the knife and hoisted herself across the table. The Moff’s chair toppled backwards and Fen stayed with it, landing with her knife to the Moff’s throat. Moors went silent, eyes wide. It was one of the twi’leks who screamed, dropping a platter with a clang. Fen pulled the Moff up with unnatural ease. Her blood was boiling in her veins, she could not say if she or the Force was in control. Fen ran the knife lightly across the Moff’s neck, drawing a thin line of crimson blood. “Why are you doing this?” The woman asked, the sickly odor of fear ementaing from her..

“People are not things for you to own.” Fen hissed as stormtroopers and an aide ran into the room. Fen threw the knife, it caught the aide in the throat and he stumbled, tripping backwards. The soldiers cocked their blasters. Everyone was moving so slowly, she knew what to do. Fen he leaped behind the table, avoiding their fire. Heart racing as blaster bolts rained around her, she took a breath, stood and focused. Three men were lifted into the air, blasters dropped to the ground. Eyes fixed on the soldiers, she moved to grab one of the blasters, only to gasp in pain a second later as the Moff shot her in the arm.

The men fell back to the floor, breathless but alive as Fen reeled in shock and pain. “You.” the Moff hissed, eyes wide with delayed realization. “You were the one that killed the stormtroopers in Lessu yesterday.”

Fen didn’t respond, too busy leaping for a blaster of her own. She grabbed it a second before a trooper’s reaching grasp and fired it into his masked face. He twitched and fell still. Not wasting a second, Fen rolled across the floor behind a chair and took aim at another trooper. The third trooper fired a few shots into the chair, but by then, Fen had collected herself enough to strangle him again. Strangely, she found the pain in her arm was not slowing her, instead, she found a new reservoir of strength inside herself and used it. The trooper’s neck cracked and she dropped him. Standing, she lifted her blaster towards the Moff.

“A Jedi.” She hissed, aiming her blaster again.

“Not quite.” Fen answered and fired first, catching the Moff in the shoulder. She dodged a few blasts from the Moff and aimed again as more troopers, drawn by the sounds of blaster fire burst in. Half a dozen was too many. She fired a few more times and turned down the service corridor, running as fast as she could. She could only hope it was distraction enough.

 

* * *

 

Hera waited as long as she could bear in the cell, trying to explain the plan to the rest of the girls. They were scared, but for the most part, determined. She kept pausing, mid way through a word, listening for sounds of a commotion. No guards had come to check on them yet, and she still wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

Her mind was racing, wondering where Fen was, if she was alright, thinking about the plan, the most optimal route to the hanger bay, the number of guards they were likely to encounter, how many doors Chopper would have to slice through. Her father had drilled this calculus into her long ago and by now it was nearly effortless. She had fifteen girls in this cell with her. If she could rescue all the other girls from this place as well, she would .Her heart ached at the idea of leaving any of these women behind, but the strategy was clear. She would be far more likely to die trying to rescue them all. Still, she warred with herself, trapped between her father’s insistence on practicality and her heart.

A girl grabbed her shoulder, halting Hera’s pacing across the cell. “Is everything alright?” The blue twi’lek asked, her eyes wide but her hand was firm. Hera resisted the urge to laugh. Of course it was not.

“Yes.” Hera  lied, letting out a sigh, forcing her heart to slow. “What’s your name?”

“Kaasha, Kaasha Bateen. Are you waiting for a signal or something?”

“Sort of, my friend is going to cause a distraction. I’m waiting for a set of orders.” She flipped a comlink  between her fingers, taken from one of the fallen troopers. Kaasha nodded in understanding.

“Okay, How long do you want to wait?”

“A few more minutes.” _Where are you Fen?_  She wondered, thinking back, had she been too harsh when telling Fen to go? In retrospect, she should have been more gentle, the other girl was clearly afraid. She had been a slave herself not that long ago. Did Fen despise her now? A foolish notion, but one that occurred nonetheless. In that instant,, she had become her father, calculating, cold, unconcerned with the inner workings of his men. Something uncomfortable slithered in her stomach. _I won’t be like him._  Her train of thought was cut off by a buzzing from the comlink.

“All units, there have been shots fired in the Moff’s dining room. All units report in, assist if able. Repeat: Shots fired in the dining room.” Hera let out a gasp of relief. Fen had done it. It was followed by fear, but Hera was sure she would be alright, she had the Force. She tried not to think about the Jedi that had died fighting to free Ryloth from the Separatists.

“Let’s go.” Hera turned to her little band of twi’leks. They ran through the halls, speed more of a priority than stealth. Fen would just have to catch up. The stolen comlink buzzed again.

“There has been a Jedi sighting. All units proceed with caution.” Her heart clenched. Fen was still alive. She took a left turn, and then a right, stopping at a closed blast door, the girls with hands on their knees, panting,  while Chopper opened it. Two stormtroopers stood on either side. Luckily, Hera had the advantage of surprise. The clattering of plastoid armor ecohed behind them as the girls ran on.

She was gasping as she rounded another in a seemingly endless loop of corners. Behind her, the others were not faring any better. Only fear kept them moving. Then, as though summoned by her hope and desperation, Fen burst out of one of the doorways. She was wearing a dark, glittering dress that was split almost to her navel and was tight enough to display the curves of her muscles. Her long dark hair hung loose in waves around her shoulders. Hera fell still, struck dumb less by the dress and it’s heart-stopping effects than the look on Fen’s face. She seemed to glow from within, the terrified girl had vanished and in her place was a phoenix, risen from the ashes. Though her eyes were wide and wary, she stood tall and her face glowed with power. She was the most wondrous creature Hera had ever seen.

She was also staring for too long.

Fen looked at her, lips slightly parted in confusion. “Let’s get going.” Hera paused, trying to pull herself together, but between her eyes and the pale skin of Fen’s chest, pockmarked with scars, it was a challenge.

“This way.” Hera muttered, Chopper made a disapproving sound. “No, that way.” They kept running, Fen keeping pace easily.

Another set of troopers. Fen reached out her hand and the blasters flew from their fingers, one into her hands. She gave a feral smile. Hera’s breath hitched in her throat. Fen fired while they all started at her. A girl behind Hera muttered, “Jedi,” with a bitter undertone. Hera wanted to yell at her, Fen had just saved their lives, what did it matter what her people had done during the Clone Wars? The words bubbled at the back of her tongue before she remembered herself. She was a twi’lek, first, last and always. She would defend them to the death. But. Hera looked at Fen, running ahead with the dress rippling around her. Something powerful swelled in her chest along with the urge to trace her fingers along the criss-crossed scars on her back. Ruthlessly crushing her feelings, she ran on.

Finally, Hera saw the hanger bay ahead, but even as she stopped running, Fen was shaking her head. “There’s too many of them in there.”

“Okay.” Hera nodded, remembering uncanny Jedi senses. “Chopper, is there another way into the hanger bay, other than the main entrance?” Chopper made a series of negative-sounding noises.

“The only other way is too far, we’d never make it.” Hera sighed, turning to Fen. “We have to go in this way. How many people do you think are in there?” She closed her eyes, brows furrowed in concentration, then her face cleared and her eyes opened. Unprepared, Hera was struck with the force of them, blinding like the sun coming from behind clouds.

“About fifteen.”

“And how many do you think you could take out?”

Fen chewed the inside of her lip as she considered, “Five or six?”

Looking around, Hera took inventory. There were seventeen of them, plus Chopper. Between them, they had eight blasters and the Force. “Are any of you familiar with blasters?” She asked, seeking more information. Five of the girls put up their hands. So, seven that could use blasters. They had the advantage of surprise but a two to one disadvantage with firepower. Not ideal. She needed more. “Chopper, can you hack into the security cameras inside the hanger?” The droid beeped his assent, the screen above his head turning on, revealing the positions of the soldiers on the other side of the door. They looked ready, blasters resting easily in their hands, but they were standing still at their posts.

“Okay.” She had most of a plan, the rest would come as she started talking, they needed to get moving. “We’re taking the nearest shuttle.” She gestured to it on screen. “We’ll need to take out or distract the seven troopers between us and it as fast as we can. You two will go in on the left, aim at the three closest to the door. Then, you three, guard the rest of the girls, get them on board. Chopper, you go with them. Does anyone know how to power up shuttles?”

“I do.” Kaasha put up her hand.

“Turn it on, see if you can fire a few shots. You and I,” She turned to Fen, braced for her eyes. “We’ll go in the middle, provide a distraction long enough for the others to get on board.” Fen’s gaze hardened and she nodded. Her attention seemed to turn inwards, and the intensity of her stare dissipated long enough for Hera to pull herself away.

“Let’s go. We don’t have much time.”

With that, Chopper opened the blast door. Hera and Fen ran in first, Hera hoping that she hadn’t just condemned these girls to death. The troopers turned, aiming to fire. Fen flicked up her hands and they flew backwards, shots harmlessly hitting the ceiling. Behind her, Hera could hear an exchange of blaster fire. She risked a glance back, watching the girls run across the hanger floor to the shuttle, one of the troopers already down. She turned to her own battle as the men Fen had thrown recovered.

As Hera and Fen edged towards the shuttle, trying to cover the girls, a few of the troopers rose into the air. It was a little unsettling, regardless of who they were, to watched people be throttled, unable to save themselves. Her stomach twisted further when she looked over at Fen and saw something like joy in her bright eyes. She pushed the feeling away, there wasn’t time for quams now. Hera shot the men Fen was trying to kill, suspended in the air, they made easy targets. Turning to see where the others were, she avoided Fen’s gaze.

“Jedi scum.” One of the troopers hissed, aiming at Fen. Hera whirled around, shooting him in the head, his shot went wide, arcing over Fen’s head.

“Go!” Hera yelled at Fen, gesturing in the direction of the shuttle, the Jedi’s attention was still focused on dispatching as many of the stormtroopers as she could with just the Force, blaster forgotten at her side, but they were still coming. Another bright red blast narrowly missed her head. “Go!” She shouted, pushing Fen’s shoulder. She flinched violently, but it caught her attention. Together they ran to the shuttle as it turned on. Hera ran up the gangplank, yelling at Kaasha to take off as she slammed the button to close the ship, pushing down one of the twi’leks as a shot hit the metal behind her. Then they were airborn, the shuttle sailing out into the void of space.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hera comes up with a plan to escape the Empire's clutches, Fen deals with the fallout of using the Dark Side

The shuttle hurtled out of the palace hangerbay and out into space. Hera leaned against the frame of the door, panting, still hearing the sounds of blaster fire. She looked over at Fen, the wild look in her eyes dying, like the remains of a fire. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Fen tried to wrap her arms around herself and winced. “Nope.” A blaster mark scorched her upper arm. Had she not noticed when it happened or had she forgotten in the heat of battle?

“I’ll see if I can find a medpac.” Hera turned, taking in the other twi’leks huddled in the narrow hall of the ship. “Is anyone else hurt?”

Two girls put their hands up. One was just a graze and the other had been shot in the leg. She sent a prayer to whoever had been listening. They had all made it. Hera was still searching for a medpack when she was reminded that they hadn’t made it quite yet. The shuttle shook violently and she didn’t hesitate, but ran to the cockpit. Kaasha had a pale-knuckled grip on the controls as Hera entered, trying to avoid the turbolasers coming from the cannons on the surface of the moon.

“I can take over now.” Hera put a hand on her shoulder and Kaasha almost leapt out of the seat, her face pale with stress. She let her go to the back. She didn’t really need a copilot. Another bast hit the rear of the ship as she put it into a steeper nose dive back towards the surface of Ryloth. Switching the deflectors to double rear, she angled the ship far away from her home. She wasn’t going to be careless and lead the Empire right back to their door with the proof they needed to arrest Cham. Eventually she would get home, somehow. There were deep forests on Ryloth, ones the Empire would fear to enter. The twi’leks on the other hand, would manage. Yes, the forests would do nicely.

Fen slipped into the seat beside her. “I got bacta patches on the two girls. I think everyone’s alright.” She said softly. Hera spared a moment of attention to look over. She was still wearing the dress but other than that she looked entirely changed, all the intensity gone. Her eyes were just blue, her shoulders hunched as though she were trying to ward off the world. There was a fragility about her that made Hera want to wrap her arms around her. But Fen wouldn’t appreciate that.

“That’s good.” Hera could see the thick green band of Ryloth’s equatorial forests. “Because we’re going somewhere dangerous.”

“We’re not going back to your home?” Fen looked at her in confusion.

“Not right away, we can’t let the Empire follow us. We can lose them down there, then send my father a coded signal and he can come pick us up.”

Fen nodded, opening her mouth as if to speak. Then she froze, eyes going wide before letting out a hiss of breath, “Be ready.”

“What’s wrong?” Hera tightened her grip, scanning the screens in front of her.

“I’m not sure, some kind of danger.”  TIE fighters emerged on her scopes a second later.

“Can you help fly? It’s gonna be tricky to operate the cannons and steer at the same time.” Hera asked, activating the laser cannons. Fen gave her a dubious look. “Kaasha?” The girl reemerged from the back of the ship. “Sorry, but I need you to copilot.”

Fen gave her a look that might have been hurt, but there was no time to worry about injured pride right now. The advance warning had been nice, she hadn’t seen fighter bays on the schematics, but she needed help, more than the Jedi could provide. Hera turned her mind to the battle ahead.

Minutes or hours later, the shuttle hurtled down towards the forest, Hera straining at the controls. This uncontrolled dive would be harder than she thought, but if she could fake this crash, that might throw the Empire off their scent. She just had to make sure it didn’t turn into a real one. There. A clearing ahead. She watched as it grew larger. Behind her, she could feel Fen’s eyes on the back of her neck. She had to hope that the all-too-real plume of smoke behind them was enough to cover her next move. At the last possible moment, she breaked, pulling up with all she could muster. It was still a shock when they hit the ground, the nose crumpling into the earth. Good. They had done it.

Adrenaline dissipating, Hera wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in the chair, but the Empire would send more fighters and search parties. If they wanted to stay free, they would have to keep moving. So she gathered the girls and all the supplies they could carry off the shuttle and stepped out into the woods.

The evening forest was warm and humid and unlike the Imperial-controlled moon, sounds of wildlife filled the air. She took a moment to assess their surroundings. “Okay.” The girls looked wary. The forest was full of dangers and she knew they were thinking of the childhood tales about young twi’leks who wandered in here, never to return. But for now, it was their refuge. “They’re hopefully going to expect us to move in the direction of the Taan province, to get closer to my father. We’re not going to do that. We just need to be in here long enough to lose them so Fen.” She turned to the only person who didn’t know the direction of home. “Which way should we go?”

Panic darted across her expression, for a long moment, she didn’t answer. “Uhh… this way.” She gesutred in a direction.

“Okay, everyone carry what you can, let’s get going before the Empire finds us.” Weighed down by packs, they stepped from the dappled sunlight of the clearing into the wall of trees. The light changed abruptly as well as something in the quality of the air, thick with the scents of life and decay. Fen stayed close to her as they picked their way through, the sound of her trembling breath was loud despite the bird calls that echoed around them. Hera offered  her hand to Fen, brushing the back of her knuckles, receiving a jolt to the heart, but Fen pulled away, retreating in on herself.

Slowly, she increased her pace, Fen following, seemingly oblivious. “What’s wrong?” She asked once they were out of earshot, Fen looked as though she might cry.

“I…” She didn’t look Hera in the eyes, pausing for a long moment. “It’s nothing.” She walked ahead, leaving Hera’s heart bruised. She didn't trust her? After all they had been through? Had she read Hera’s mind somehow, and was offended by the feelings she found there? Hera knew Jedi weren’t supposed to love, but surely now… Fear stopped her from pressing Fen further. Instead, she fell back with the rest of the group, taking comfort from being surrounded by her people, from the role she was more secure in.

For the next several hours, they saw nothing, heard nothing of significance, except once when a pair of TIE fighters screamed overhead. Fen walked alone, Hera watching her in the distance, despite the knot that swelled in her stomach every time she caught a glimpse of dark black hair.

“Are we stopping soon?” A girl asked, Hera was almost certain her name was Iania.

“Just a little further.” Hera looked to the pale fragments of sky she could see between gnarled branches, but it was hard to tell how much longer they would have the light. “If we could find water…” They had enough for what she had planned in their packs, courtesy of emergency supplies on the shuttle, but better safe than sorry.

Iania nodded then spoke again. “Who’s that girl?”

There was no need to wonder which girl she was referring to. “That’s Fen, she’s a friend. She used to be a Jedi.”

“Used to be? What happened? I didn’t think people could stop being Jedi.”

“I’m not sure.” Hera answered truthfully. She had no idea how Fen had come to be a dancing slave in a Hutt Lord’s palace, and now that the question had been voiced, it seemed like a large gap in her knowledge of her friend. In front of her, Fen hurried ahead, not looking back, shoulders hunched under the jacket she was using to cover herself, the torn hem of her dress coated with dirt. She suspected Fen didn’t mind the damage.

“She’s going to bring the Empire down on all of our head.” A girl named Sotna hissed under her breath.

“If you hadn’t noticed, she was quite helpful in rescuing us.” Hera had to fight to keep acid bitterness out of her tone. She wasn’t sure she was successful.

“They were very helpful in stealing our freedom.” Cham would get along very well with Sotna.

“I am well aware of what the Jedi have done to our world.” Hera stopped walking at this and turned to look Sotna in the eye. “ But Fen is my friend and I will not hear her blamed for crimes she did not commit.”The girl ducked her head. Satisfied, Hera kept walking.

The evening calm of the forest was broken by a sudden scream and a splash. Hera started to run, eyes scanning for Fen, so focused that she, too, almost ran off the washed-away cliff edge and into the raging rapids below.

 

* * *

 

 

Fen screamed as she fell, voice cutting off as she hit the water, breath pushed from her lungs by the impact. It was her own fault, her choice of footing coming in second compared to a whirlwind of thoughts and the onset of nausea that came with thinking about what she had just done. It was only when the ground slid out from under her that she realized that the rushing sound was not blood in her ears, and by then it was too late.

The river dragged her under, pulling at her in all directions Instantly, her treacherous mind took over. Memories filled her head as she was pulled down the rapids. She was being strangled, she was being drowned, held under by her throat. She was chained there too. Her scars flared with pain. Fen couldn’t think which was was up as she tumbled, her head striking something, the pain echoing through her body. They were going too far at last, they were going to finally kill her and this would all be over. She was trying to scream, eyes tight shut. She sucked in water, unable to help herself, bright spots flashing across her vision. Were there manacles around her wrists again? No. Not again. She couldn’t survive this again. The scars around her throat burned. Something was pressing on them. Was she being strangled? The stars behind her eyes grew brighter.

She was going to die.

 _No_. Fen reached for the dark power inside of herself, only to recoil, frantic mind remembering. She had discarded people as though they were no more than dolls. She would rather die than do that again, right? Something grabbed her under the shoulders and Fen struggled, she would not be traggled to her execution. She tried to resist, but she couldn’t remember how to make her limbs move, time seemed to be moving strangely.

Her head broke the surface of the water and she gasped for air. Fen had been pulled from the tank like this before. Pulled out of the bacta as soon as she had healed enough to survive being broken again. Sometimes the healing had been its own torture, held under without air, recovering while drowning. She was lost in that memory, eternity passing by unremarked.

Slowly, a distant sound permeated her consciousness. Someone was yelling at her, that was nothing new. She was being shaken as well. Had she been captured again? Fen pushed back, with her hands and something more. Finally opening her eyes, she saw Hera, sprawled on the bank of the river, several feet away, dripping wet and sporting a slowly forming bruise across her cheek. Fen could focus on almost none of this however as she tried to stand, her heart racing and throat raw. She stumbled on the roots protruding from loose soil as she looked for a way to escape. At a distance, the other twi’leks were watching her, wariness, fear, dismay, alarm, concern, disgust and more emanating from them.

Abandoning her attempt to get up, Fen collapsed back into the dirt, her face turned away from the others, mind slowly returning to her. What had she done to make them feel so? Her face flushed with embarrassment and the lingering shadow of fear as she heard the river, continuing on its uncaring path. Ghosts of memories pressed cold fingers against her spine and she shivered, despite the humid air around her. She couldn’t escape the iron grasp of fear. She was still choking, hands clawing at the damp fabric of the dress that clung to her until she had shredded the collar.

Several more minutes passed as she regained her breath, her composure, staring resolutely up at the sky and trying to think of nothing at all. Slowly, the mediation did its work and she could sit up, searching for Hera. Fen found her talking to the others, directing the setup of the camp, further down the bank from where she had fallen in. Her hands clenched the damp earth as Hera turned to her, flicking her attention back to the dirt. “Are you alright?” There was concern in her voice that grated on her nerves.

“I’m fine.” Anger burst out of her like sudden sparks. Hera flinched backwards as though struck. Her face hardened and Fen’s anger melted to regret.

“Fine. You’re welcome for saving your life.” Hera spun around, leaving Fen still in the dirt, glaring despite the dismay that was crushing her chest, blocking her ability to respond. Around her, the girls laid out their packs, but Fen’s had been lost in the river. So she sat, trying not to notice their sidelong glances at this strange, mad girl. Against her better judgement, Fen reached out with the Force, touching one of their minds.

Specific thoughts were well beyond her, but the emotions were clear, strong enough to send her reeling. Closing down her mind, Fen forced down the tears rising in her throat. Why couldn’t she stop this flood of fear or these memories that ate her alive? Already her fingers were wet with blood from her neck. Would she ever allow those wound heal? A girl stared at her, she didn’t need the Force to see the fear and alarm on her face. She tried to cover the wounds with her hands, tears escaping her fragile control. Was this her punishment? For using the dark side? For trying to help her friend? It was unfair. What other choice did she have?

Well, one thing was for certain. She didn’t want to sleep here tonight. Not with these girls and their stares, not with Hera and the chill coming off of her like a mountain of ice. Struggling to her feet, body aching with the effort, Fen walked away from the river and their small camp into the darkening woods. Hera looked for a moment as thought she might try and stop her, but they locked eyes for an instant and Hera gave up without attempting it. Bitter satisfaction in her chest, Fen walked away.

Once she was out of earshot, she picked a likely tree and leaned against it, clothes drying slowly in the humid evening air. She reach for the Force to warm her, but did she dare? Was she risking losing herself to this dark power, so different from the Force she had used as a child?

It had seemed like a simple choice at the time, to use it to save Hera, to help the other girls. It was a good intention, but she had killed so many, without hesitation. Worse, it had been easy, even exhilarating. She had murdered and it had been fun. The thought made her gag. She may not want the life the Jedi had offered any more, but this?

A girl stepped from the forest, breaking Fen’s train of thought. It wasn’t Hera. Her heart sunk as she folded her into an even tighter ball. The twi’lek was looking over her shoulder, only turning her attention to Fen once she was almost on top of her. She tossed some nutrient bars, a blanket and a light in Fen’s direction, a bar almost hitting her head. Her eye were narrowed and she glared at Fen for a long second before deciding to speak. “You had not right to treat Hera that way.” Her voice shook every so slightly.

“What do you mean?” Fen stuck her chin out as she grabbed the food, stomach reminding her of her long-ignored hunger. Something she was all too good at.

“She saved your life!” The twi’lek lost her temper suddenly, balling her hands into fists.

Fen stood, anger in herself rising to meet the challenge. “I didn’t ask her to, I was fine!”

“Fine?” She let out a hysterical laugh. “You think because you were a slave once you have the right to take your anger out on whoever you want? We’ve all been slaves you Jedi idiot! You’re not special!” She paused for breath, then tried to speak again, but Fen’s anger was blistering, setting her eyes alight. The other girl rose slowly into the air as Fen advanced on her.

“You have no idea what I’ve been through.” She hissed, teeth clenched.

“Fen!” This time it was Hera running out of the woods. “I heard…” She paused momentarily to take in the scene, eyes going wide as she slowly looked between Fen and the twi’lek, confusion and horror passing across her face.

Shame dumped a cold bucket of water on her anger and the twi’lek dropped to the ground, Hera bending to check on her.  Fen backed up towards the tree, fear rising like steam. “What…” Hera looked between both of them, desperate for some explanation to make this better. Fen looked for an exit, but there was only the dark forest all around them. “What happened?” The bark of the tree was digging into her back. She couldn’t answer, and when she opened her mouth, desperate to say something, she couldn’t even speak. Instead, she looked down at her own knees, peeking through the holes in her dress. She could hear the twi’lek girl answer Hera in impassioned tones, but the words eluded her, as though she were hearing them from under water. She shuddered involuntarily.

Fen didn’t look up as the other twi’lek left, even as she heard, and sensed Hera drawing closer to her. “Just go.” She heard herself say. “Please.” She could feel tears welling up in her eyes again, but made no move to wipe them away. Hera must hate her, think she was weak and useless anyway, so what did it matter? She would leave. For an eternity, the silence pressed on her like dead weight. She didn’t breathe.

Hera sat down next her her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen and Hera finally get something out in the open, Hera makes a hard choice

Hera stayed, the forest growing black around them as they sat in silence, waiting Fen out. Several times, Fen thought she had found the words to make Hera understand, understand her and her actions. They all evaporated before she could voice them. Thoughts ran circles through her mind. Hera surely despised and feared her for what she had done to those stormtroopers, to that twi’lek. It was hard to deny the lure of the growing darkness she felt within herself. Fen knew what the other twi’leks had been staying. She was a danger to them. It was true. The Empire would search much harder for her, the Jedi, than they would for a band of escaped twi’leks.

And yet, despite it all, Hera stayed.

At long last, it was something like hope that helped her force her chaotic thoughts and fears into words. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“It’s okay,” Hera gave her a small, sad smile. “You…”

“No.” Fen interrupted. “I didn’t mean to hurt her but I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I did.” She couldn’t take her eyes from the bruise on Hera’s face, victim to her panic from the river, certainly not to look her in the eyes. She twisted her hands in her lap, trying to arrange her thoughts. “The Force has been...different,  since the Empire.” Different was a meager word to describe it, but she didn’t know any others. “It’s not an excuse.” She responded to Hera’s raised eyebrow. “I just… I just wanna try to explain.”

“Thanks for trying.” Hera said sincerely, Fen had the other woman’s full attention now and her courage was steadily failing her. “I know how hard these things can be.”

“The Force…” These concepts encompassed the universe, beyond her vocabulary to describe. “It’s in everything, everyone, all the time, but to feel it, I have to trust, I have to believe, you know?” Hera didn’t but she continued. “Faith,” she dropped her eyes to the ground again. “I lost that for a while.” Tears were filling her eyes, she felt as though she were stripping the skin from her bones, flaying herself and laying all the horrible mess inside bare for Hera to judge. Despite her fear of being found wanting, she pressed on. “To be cut off from the Force, you can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“Like being blinded?” Hera attempted.

Fen shook her head. “No, its more like losing all your senses at once. It’s like going from living life to watching it in a holofilm. I can’t live like that. Not again. But now… now the Force is different and darker and I … I guess I have to figure things out.” She swallowed, hard, before the natural conclusion she had come to. “So if you want me to leave, so I won’t be a danger to anyone, I’ll understand.” She focused very intently on the dirt beneath her fingernails, snakes tying knots in her stomach.  

She flinched reflexively as Hera laid her hand against Fen’s. “I don’t want you to go.” Something large shifted in Fen’s heart.

“You don’t?” Hera shook her head, powerful emotion radiating from her, Fen didn’t dare look at it too hard. This was so close, so close to everything she wanted, but guilt wouldn’t let her go so easily. “Hera…”

Hera kissed her.

The action was unexpected, she had been so caught up in herself, she failed to notice her intent. Fen froze. For a brief instant, Hera’s lips were against hers and a previously unseen hole in her heart was filled. Before she could respond, or even think of how, Hera pulled back, her eyes wide with fear.

“I… I’m sorry.” Now it was her turn to try and run.

“Wait,” Fen reached for her hand, holding her back, pulling her back to the ground. Her heart was taking up more space than it should have as she leaned towards Hera, staring at her blue-green ocean eyes. Exactly none of her life had prepared her for this moment. It didn’t matter. She kissed Hera Syndulla and it felt exactly right. Her lips were soft against Fen’s and for a moment, she couldn’t think of anything at all. All she knew was that she wanted Hera closer, and she pulled her in until the twi’lek was almost on top of her.

That was her mistake. For another half heartbeat, everything was perfect, their hearts beating in sync. Then, unwelcome as a hurricane, memories of much less willing kisses began to bubbled to the surface. Frantic, she tried to force them down and away,  _ not now _ ! As Hera’s lips pressed more insistently against hers, they overcame her, dominating her senses and blurring reality. “No.” She pushed at Hera’s chest, limbs moving without instruction and Hera collapsed backwards, confused.

“What’s wrong?” In the distance Hera sounded desperately afraid.

“It’s not you.” Fen forced a whisper, palms pressed hard against her closed eyes, body shaking, fending off imaginary attacks.

Still, Hera didn’t leave. “What can I do?”

“I don’t know,” she moaned, sobbing suddenly as the sensation of brutal lips crushing against her own overwhelmed her. She sensed someone moving closer and then, after a moment’s hesitation, Hera loosely wrapped her arms around her, slowly running her fingers through Fen’s hair. Her body shook as she mentally repulsed invasion after invasion. However, rising above the tide of memories was the sensation of Hera’s fingers gently pulling through her hair. Reaching up from the swirling chaos of her mind, Fen flailed for that sensation, reaching for a life-raft while drowning at sea. As she came to the surface, she leaned into the sensation of her head moving slightly with the rising and falling of Hera’s chest. Tears were drying stiffly on her cheeks. She could feel the pounding of Hera’s heart in her bones. The softest touch of fingers against her scalp, the quiet murmur of ‘It’s okay, I’ve got you.’ She was safe. Carefully, she pulled herself up, Hera untangling her fingers from Fen’s dark locks.

“Are you going to be alright?”

“I think so, for now anyway. I’m so sorry.” She actually looked directly into Hera’s eyes for a moment before she turned her focus back to the grass.

“What happened to you?”

“I...I can’t.” Fen shook her head, dispelling ghosts. She twisted the ball of her hand into the dirt, crushing plants beneath it, if only she could crush her memories, control her traitorous mind. “Please, I can’t.” Can’t talk about it, can’t think about it. She could only pretend the past had never happened.

Hera seemed to understand her stuttering plea. “I’m sorry, you’re safe now though.”Curiosity still filling the air between them.

“Am I?” She looked up to the sky, the bits she could see between the trees. “The Empire is still looking for us, they know I exist now, that I killed stormtroopers, that I survived the Purge. They’re going to come for me.”

“I’ll protect you.” Fen wished she could believe her. Hera suddenly blushed and looked away. “About earlier… you’re a Jedi … I’m sorry if that was too forward, if you’re not into … that sort of thing.”

Fen opened her mouth, about to respond when she was interrupted by a sudden sense of danger, pulling her eyes from Hera’s. She stood on one smooth motion, staring into the depths of the forest, waiting. Hera followed suit. She didn’t have to wait long, something was crashing through the bush, something very large and angry and coming in their direction by the sound of it. At least it wasn’t the Empire.

“We’ve gotta get back to the others.” Hera was already running as she spoke and Fen turned to follow. She froze a few seconds later as a large bipedal monster burst from the bushes, thin arms outstretched towards her. “Great, a gutkurr!” Hera fired a few shots in its direction and kept running. Fen did the same,

The blaster shots seemed to have no effect and she felt it gaining on them as she ran. The girls in the next clearing were all awake, prepared to run or fight. “Get ready.” Hera yelled as she burst from the trees, spinning around to face the beast, Fen on her heels. They were backed up to the cliff and Fen didn’t fancy another swim. They would make their stand here. For a moment, she had Hera locked eyes and then it was on them.

The beast seemed startled that suddenly its prey had multiplied, but it recovered quickly enough, swiping at one of the nearest girls. Fen was already shooting, aiming for its large red eyes with less than perfect marksmanship. Instinctively, she reached out for the Force, her grasp tainted with anger and fear and she flung a wall of force into it without thinking. The beast staggered a little to the side and one of the twi’leks fell over. Fen pulled back, even when she meant to help, she still messed it up.

She was going to have to do this another way. The beast charged at her and she had to leap to the side, skidding across the grass, losing some skin in the process. Disregarding the pain, she leapt back to her feet and kept shooting.  It took another swipe with it’s deadly claws and a girl went down. In the semi-darkness she couldn’t tell who it was, but Hera yelled. Panicked, Fen reached for the Force, headless of her own warning moments before, but before she could do anything, the beast collapsed under sustained fire.

Hera ran passed Fen to the girl who had collapsed and she felt a rush of relief. It was the girl she had nearly killed earlier, Sotna. She was clutching at her stomach, hands failing to hide the blood welling up behind them. A rush of satisfaction and relief filled her chest for a moment and then, sickened with herself, she crushed it.

“Can you help her?” Hera looked up, desperation in her eyes.

Fen silently shook her head, even as Sotna spat. “I don’t want her help.” Mouth twisting, Fen turned and left, shoulders set.

 

* * *

 

Hera couldn’t spare a backward glance for Fen as Sotna trembled in her arms. “Does anyone have a medkit?” Her voice was more level than she could have hoped. One was passed to her with shaking fingers, Hera squeezed the girl’s hand as she took it, knowing it was useless, knowing she had to try. Slowly she lifted Sotna’s hand from her stomach, jaw clenched against the worst. It still hurt. Guilt pressed against her chest, she was supposed to have protected these girls. Carefully, she pushed a bacta patch on the wound, Sotna gasping with pain. Warm blood oozed though Hera’s fingers as she met the dying girls eyes. There was no need to explain. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, laying a bloody hand on her cheek.

Hera stayed that way until the light faded from Sotna’s eyes. Closing them, Hera wiped her hands on her pants, and then the tears from her face. She stood slowly, feeling eyes on her back. “She’s gone.”

One of the girls let out a wail of despair that stabbed a frozen knife into Hera’s heart and collapsed into the arms of another. The girl who had asked about Fen before, Iania stepped forward, arms crossed, smothering her grief with rage, tear tracks on her face reflecting the torchlight. “This is her fault.”

“How?” Hera asked, unsurprised by the mutiny. 

“Stop defending her. She’s a Jedi, she could have handled it before Sotna got hurt.” Another girl advanced, Hera bit her lip, heart sinking.

“Yeah, She let Sotna die, she just tried to kill her like an hour ago, how can you stand by her?” Iania advanced, glaring in the direction where Fen had run.  

“Fen didn’t mean to.” Hera took a step backwards, placing herself between the angry girls and Fen’s clearing. “We are all hurt by this. I really thought we could all make it out of here alive.” Emotion had crept into her voice and she hated that she couldn’t tell whether or not she had put it there on purpose. “But blame is not going to solve anything. Those incidents, tragic as they were were both accidents.”

“She may not have meant to, but she did. Why do you keep defending her?”

“Because she’s my friend, and I would do the same for any of you.” A cold truth was beginning to settle around Hera’s shoulders and she straightened them, despite this, Iania continued.

“That’s not good enough, she almost killed Iania! She should be left behind.” In the back, Hera watched several of the girls nod. None of them met her gaze.

She knew what she had to do, her father’s instruction gave her words and before she could soften them, they were out. “Fen is staying with us. Anyone who objects can stay behind.” Iania flinched, the others looked nervous. For a moment, she thought she had won.

“No.” Iania clenched her fists. “You won’t abandon one of your own. She goes.”

“You are not in charge here Iania.” She heard her own voice, cold as iron, surprising even herself. “I am. I have made the decision. If you don’t like it, leave.”

Iania spun to face the other girls. “We’re not going to stand for this, right?”

Before Hera had time to think, she drew her blaster, leveling it at Iania’s head. Everyone froze. “Leave. Now.” Fear glinted in the girl’s eyes and Hera’s heart broke but she couldn’t back down now.

Shaking slightly, Iania grabbed her things, running headlong into the forest with two others.

The silence that followed their departure lay across them all like a smothering blanket. Her hands trembled as she put her blaster back into her holster. Hera opened her mouth to say something, but everything she could think of sounded like her father. Something poisonous shifted in the base of Hera’s stomach. Unable to take the stares, she walked in the direction of Fen, trying to pretend she wasn’t running from herself.

To her relief, Fen was asleep, head lolled against a huge tree, curled into a ball, dark strands of hair fluttering as she snored lightly. Holding herself, Hera sat beside her, the enormity of what she had done sinking into her bones. She had become her father. She had done the one thing she had sworn never to do. How, how had this happened?

She didn’t need to look far to find the answer. Fen. She had kissed Fen, she might have overstepped in the moment, but Fen had kissed her back. Hera smiled despite herself for a moment before it faded. Was this what love was? Becoming what you despised and feared to protect someone, despite how guilty they might be. She couldn’t deny, the girls had been right. Fen had tried to kill one of them, her very presence put them in more danger then they otherwise might have been. But to cast her out? That was unthinkable. An hour ago though, she would have said the same thing about threatening and casting out a girl who had disagreed with her.

Were the other girls right? Had she betrayed her own people for Fen? She didn’t want to believe it. Doubt was fatal, her father had always told her. Usually, Hera ignored his unwanted advice, but that piece had always seemed sound. She had made a decision, she had to be sure because now she had to live with the consequences. Those girls feared her now. They would stay because it was still safer than leaving, but now she was something to be wary of. For a long moment, Hera hated herself.

Beside her, Fen mumbled in her sleep, nose wrinkling slightly and emotion swelled in her chest, casting off the weight of a galaxy for the space of a moment.

She would do it again if she had to. She still had Sotna’s blood on her hands, even now, Iania was wandering through the woods alone and still she knew she would defend Fen again and again. She would kill for this girl. The thought ran through her, the cold peel of a mourning bell. Ice cracked along the edges of her fractured heart as she stared at Fen, this broken girl, trying so hard to be strong, to prove she was enough.

Hera shifted away to the other side of the tree, terrified with this newfound discovery. There were things more important than Fen in the universe, she had known that an hour ago too, she had known that when she met Fen, she had known the importance of this work, even when she was captured by slavers. That she had put anyone above that, even for a moment, Hera shook her head in dismay. For so long she had been committed to fighting oppression, in her own way. Apparently all it took to break that commitment were the small smiles and unexpected laughter of a single pretty girl. She had become her father. It was a risk she couldn’t take again.

Then Fen awoke with a gasp and a repressed sob. For a moment, Hera could only hear her as she controlled her breathing. Fen appeared around the side of the tree, shoulders hunched, bare arms wrapped around herself, shivering in the cold. “Are you alright?” Slowly, she lowered herself to the ground cross legged, dress riding up along her pale thighs. Hera quickly turned her gaze away.

“We have to leave.” She said by way of answer, which to Fen was no answer at all.

“What do you mean? Leave the forest? I thought that was a given.”

“No, Ryloth. After I get these girls out of here, we have to leave.”

“Why?” Fen’s eyes widened, then she looked to the ground. “Is it my fault?”

“No.” Hera could take the weight of this guilt from her, take it and not crack under the pressure. “It was inevitable once we escaped from the Imperial base. They’re going to look for us, I can’t have us lead the Empire to my father’s door, not again.”

“The first time wasn’t your fault.” Fen put a hand on Hera’s knee, but she pulled away, afraid of her traitorous heart. The sudden fear in Fen’s eyes almost made her change her mind. She looked away, trying to maintain her composure.

“Blame doesn’t matter. After this, we’re getting off this world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect them to kiss so soon but they both sort of ... took over this chapter, hope you liked it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions boil to the surface as the girls try to leave the forest

A single pinprick of sunlight was all it took to rouse Fen the next morning. She sat up with a start, as always, sweat beading on her forehead, despite the early morning chill that left small clouds of mist rising from the river into the air, only to be eradicated by the rising heat of the sun. Yawning, she rolled her shoulders, stiff against the tree digging into her back. She staggered to her feet, stretching and stumbling over roots towards the bag that contained the bit of food they had left. As the sun warmed her back, she turned, tiling her chin up towards the few rays of sun that peaked through the thick canopy, smile spreading across her face as she warmed.

Around her, the forest was slowly awakening, she barely needed to lean into the Force to sense the depth of life here, millions of insects swarmed below her feet, birds were just beginning to sing in the trees above, a few larger animals slinking back into deeper shadow. The weight of life was reminiscent of what Coruscant, what home, had felt like. Fen allowed herself to collapse back to the ground, cross-legged, munching on the stick on nondescript protein that the Imperials called food. The Force pulled at the back of her mind as she ate and after a moment, she answered.

Letting out a breath, Fen cleared her mind of everything but birdsong and sunlight and reached outwards, grasping for the Force. Anger and fear clung to her, a dark, oily residue, tainting the bright light of the Force. Fen poked at it in her mind, pulling on the chord of that darkness, following it into the back of her mind, a string through a labyrinth. Darkness pressed around her, memories and sensations she did not want to face. For a few more heartbeats, she pressed on, the pressure on her heart increasing with every moment.

She felt something and flinched, rising from the pool of the Force, drenched in it, her eyes snapping open. Hera stood in front of her, brows knit with concern. Fen felt a flash of crimson irritation, she didn’t need Hera’s worry or her pity. “Are you alright?” Her hand pulled away from Fen’s shoulder.

“I’m fine.” With an effort of will, she snuffed out the anger. Hera cared about her, the thought etched a small smile on her lips. “I was just meditating.”

“Isn’t meditating supposed to be calm? You looked scared.” The remaining sparks of anger threatened to bust back to life.

“I was just trying to figure something out, the Force took me a little further than I wanted to go.” Fen attempted an effortless shrug as she finished her sad excuse for a breakfast.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” Hera looked over her shoulder as she spoke, eyes towards the clearing where the other girls had rested, anxiety rolling off of her in waves.

“I found something, I’ll have to look a little harder. Are you okay? What happened after I left? That twi’lek girl is dead, I assume.”

Her words must have come out harsher than she intended because Hera spun around. “Her name was Sotna, and yes, she died, thanks for all your help with that.”

“I...I’m sorry.” Fen stuttered, looking anywhere but at Hera, shoulders hunching, retreating from unexpected conflict.

“You should be.” Hera snapped, wrenching another ration from the bag, ripping it open with enough force to send the bar flying through the air. Her mind whispered at her to run with a voice like clattering chains, but another, bright, new, and angry part of her was ready to take a stand. Fen grabbed for that newer sensation, stomach turning at the idea of hiding yet again.

“Why? I can’t heal, it’s not something all Jedi can do. It’s not my fault she got hurt and besides, she didn’t want my help anyway.” Fen leaped to her feet in an easy motion.

Surprise rolled off of Hera, unprepared for retaliation. Fen savored the emotion for a moment; she had teeth after all. Her brief buoyancy was deflated as Hera responded not with anger but confusion. “Not all Jedi can heal?”

Wrangling with her frustration, Fen tried to even her tone. “No, it’s not… it wasn’t very common, you have to have a kind of aptitude for it.”

“What do you have an aptitude for then?”

Casting off her rage felt like fighting cobwebs, but she tried nonetheless. “Empathy. I can sense other people’s feelings, thoughts sometimes too.”

“Oh.”

“What?” Fen snapped, losing the fight momentarily.

“It’s nothing. I just thought maybe…”

“That I would have a more useful skill? Or maybe you through someone who could read minds would be a little more tactful?” Fire burned beneath her skin, disproportionate to the offence, but she rode with it rather than cower before Hera’s disappointment. Her voice clipped and harsh, she continued. “We should probably get moving.” Not waiting for a response, she turned and walked towards the girls.

“That’s not what I meant.” Hera said from behind her, Fen didn’t turn around. Hera had no notion of what the Force was capable of, no idea what Fen herself could do. Well. She would show her one way or another. Fen reached for the Force again, pulling it into herself until she could feel the turn of the universe. Then she stepped out onto the high riverbank where the other girls were waiting.

They all looked scared, scared of her. She didn’t need to be an empath to know that. Their fear wilted the bloom of her new-found anger. This wasn’t what she wanted. Before she could reassure these girls she wasn’t going to eat them for breakfast, Hera marched out of the forest, her face set. “Let’s go girls.” They looked almost as scared of Hera as they had of her.

It took several minutes into their forest walk before Fen realized, from her position at the rear, that there seemed to be several fewer twi’leks ahead of her than their ought to be. Perhaps there fear might be something more than just a girl dying. The twi’lek nearest to her kept shooting glances, unable to decide between rage and terror.

Nearly an hour of traipsing through a jungle steadily increasing in temperature, Fen finally worked up the courage to tap the girl on the shoulder and simply ask her questions, rather than continue to build up increasingly horrible scenarios in her mind. “Hey,” the girl jumped alarmingly, “What’s your name?”

She gave Fen an accusing glare before answering, as though Fen had walked over and slapped her in the face. “Neesha.:

“Neesha, hi, what happened last night? After I left?”

“Do you mean before you tried to kill Sotna or after?”

“After.” Fen paused, looking down as though perhaps the dirt would have the words she needed. “I...I’m sorry about that.”

Neesha gave her another glare. “After Sotna died, Hera kicked Iania and her friends out of the group. They’re probably dead thanks to you.”

“How..Why did Hera kick them out?”

“I think you know why.”

“I’m sorry, I really don’t.” Fen said, unwilling to send her ideas out into the open.

“You. We all wanted you gone. Hera said no.” Fen’s eyes moved to Hera’s lekku, swinging in the distance at the front of the group. Hera had chosen her over her own people. A number of emotions threatened to overwhelm her at once. Neesha ceased to be a concern, the girl stared at her in revulsion for a moment, but Fen didn’t notice. Hera cared about her, more than she could have hoped, she wanted to start skipping or break into song for a brief and glorious moment.

An unwelcome thought drifted into her mind, a dark cloud on the horizon. Hera was mad at her. Did she regret her choice? Had she hoped that Fen would be more useful to the group, to her own efforts in the rebellion? Had she defended Fen because of her abilities, had that been why mention of her talents had disappointed her? Wafts of indignation drifted up from inside of her, something burning deep below. She would prove Hera wrong, she would be useful. The Jedi had watched her powers grow with a hint of fear behind their placid faces. She was sure she could find something in her abilities to impress Hera, to prove to her that she was useful, she was worth the sacrifice of Hera’s priorities and possibly her principles.

With a deep breath, Fen called out to the Force again, allowing it to fill her. As she walked, she tried to examine it, to hold it up to the light and see the fabric of which it was made. Threads of darkness extended through the tapestry, woven tightly. Could she remove them? For a moment she pondered, biting her lip. If anything, she felt more powerful than before, but at what cost?

There was an element of risk in using the Force like this, but now she knew the power of anger, how easily it could dominate. She would not allow herself to be overcome so completely as before. She would just have to take care that this darkness did not spread. Fen smiled as she wrapped the Force around her as a cloak. She would show Hera her power. She could do this, she would find some way of using her abilities to help. Carefully, she reached out for Neesha’s mind, sensing the chaos of emotion and trying to unwind it all without notice. She would start here, with the mind of this girl, her mental tapestry with the same threads as a human, but with an unfamiliar melody she could not track. It would take time, but one way or another, Fen would learn.

 

* * *

 

 

Hera fumed her way through the forest, unsure whether she was more angry at Fen or herself. No, perhaps she shouldn’t have said what she said, but Hera was equally convinced Fen had also been overreacting. Maybe she had hoped that Fen’s aptitude had been destroying enemies with a snap of her fingers or something, but didn’t deserve to have her head taken off for that. Everyone knew the Jedi had been a strange and secretive little cult, was it so surprising that she didn’t understand the nuances of their power? She sighed as she swatted aside another branch in her path. The forest stretched out all around them, green-gold leaves shimmering in the filtered sun. It was a lovely scene, but she was having trouble enjoying the sounds of the birds and the kiss of warm air on her face. At any moment, a monster could emerge from the depths, the Empire could come running out of the bushes or a TIE fighter could spot them from the air.

Briefly distracted from her simmering internal argument, she tried to calculate how much further they would have to travel before she could call her father. Perhaps in a few more hours, if they saw no sign of the Empire and nothing ate them all before that. Behind her, the girls remained silent, not even discussing how much they hated her. She thought she could almost feel them thinking it, as though she were Fen or something. She had betrayed them all completely and then pissed off her only remaining ally within less than twelve hours. The sooner this jungle stroll was over, the better.

“Does anyone want to rest for a minute?” She asked some time later as they passed a small brook, silver fish-creatures swimming by, reflecting the sunlight . She received silence and cold stares.

“We’re fine.” One of the girls said, arms crossed against her chest, as though she too couldn’t wait to escape the present company.

“Fine then.” Her voice came out tight and cold. Furiously, she kept walking, leading the group ever deeper. The silence pressed down against her, feeling burning eyes on her back.

“Look,”Hera snapped abruptly, spinning around and hissing at the nearest twi’lek. “I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry about Sotna and Iania and the others. I couldn’t do what you wanted me to do. I had to make a choice.”

“You did what you thought was best.” Sarcasm dripped from the girl’s voice. The one behind her simply glared. “We just didn’t think the daughter of Cham Syndulla would choose an off-worlder over her own kind.” She spoke fluidly in Ryl.

“The galaxy is more complex than just them against us.” Hera retaliated in the same language. “She’s suffered too, been a slave too. Should I just abandon her because it’s convenient? All I want to do is help people, all I’ve ever been trying to do.”

She gave a bitter laugh. “Well, you sure didn’t help Iania.”

“She wasn’t going to back down and you were all going to follow her!” Hera said, her voice rising, almost to a shout. “I couldn’t just let all of you go into the forest alone.”

“So you’re fine with sending just a few girls into the forest alone.”

“I would rather not have sent anyone away, Iania forced my hand.”

“Well, if that’s what you want to believe.”

“It’s not about belief.” Syndulla stubbornness had risen from the depths, temporarily casting aside her own doubts and regrets. She would defend herself. “I was not going to have you all walk out into the forest with no way out.”

“So you’re happy with sacrificing three to save one.”

“No. Don’t twist my words. I’m not happy about it obviously.” Hera snapped, casting her eyes back and saw Fen watching her, suddenly aware they were speaking in a language she couldn’t understand. “But I would do it again.” Would she? She wasn’t sure, did it even matter what her choice would be? She just had to make the others believe the threat. Her father whispered approvingly in the back of her mind.

The girl didn’t respond as they kept walking. She had seen no sign of the Empire, perhaps they were safe. She looked back at Fen again, but perhaps wait just a little longer, to be on the safe side. She put her comlink back in her belt, wondering what she would say to her father. Would he even be glad to see her? Would he be proud of what she had done? Either way, the answer didn’t please her.

Fen appeared beside her with a ghost-like suddenness. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” A look into Fen’s bright blue eyes undid her, anger evaporating in an instant. “I don’t know what the Force is really like I guess.”

“Neither do I really.” Fen smiled looking up. “I feel the living Force everywhere, but the rest of it, the cosmic part, that’s all a little beyond me too.”

She didn’t know what Fen was talking about, but Hera smiled anyway. You can’t do this, a little voice in her head whispered. She will be the death of you and your ideals. However, she argued back if they left Ryloth, as was their plan they would leave the distinction between, the choice behind Fen and the twi’leks behind… maybe it would all work out. Her heart ached, to leave home so soon, but it was the best way, the way she could have what she wanted.

Reckless, Hera grabbed Fen’s hand, swinging at her side, twisting their fingers together. For a moment, she thought Fen would pull away, her hand jerking instinctively from physical contact, but she held on. The look in her eyes was fathomless and Hera allowed herself to drown in them for a moment. A small smile played around the corner of Fen’s lips, pulling Hera’s eyes down, something inside of her lurched, desperate to be closer, but she resisted, not in front of everyone, Fen wouldn’t appreciate that.

Would they understand now why she had done what she had done? Probably not. She kept walking, Fen’s hand swinging in hers until it was too hot for even that physical contact. It was time to call her father. Slowly, she entered the frequency for distress, hoping Cham hadn’t had reason to change it since the last time she memorized it.

“My child, you’re alive.” There was an edge in his voice, she would have thought it relief if she had know he cared about her wellbeing as separate from the rebellion.

“Yes father. Fen and I escaped, we freed some prisoners as well. We’re in the equatorial forests, can you triangulate our position and come get us? I think we’ve managed to loose the Empire by now.”

“I will send a team as soon as I can. Stay where you are.”

“Better settle in girls.” Hera sighed as she ended the call, leaning against a tree. “It’s going to be a while before someone comes to get us.” Everyone followed suit, unwilling to stand any longer in the heat that was swiftly becoming oppressive.

Her father surprised her yet again. It was not long at all before a shuttle began to descend, sunlight reflecting off the windows. It was also at that exact moment Fen leapt to her feet, eyes staring into the forest. “What is it?” Hera drew her blaster.

“The Empire, I think, well, a couple of humans in any case.” She drew her blaster as well, stalking forwards to lean against a tree. As she waited for the soldiers to emerge, the shuttle landed, her father stepping out. She did a double take, staring at him, there, in person. In her shock, Hera missed the stormtroopers stepping into view. Fen, however, did not, nor did most of the others.

Hera and Cham reacted half a second later as blaster bolts flew towards their ship. Hera noted one of the men leaning to talk into his complink. She fired a shot, missing. “Fen, you can’t let that trooper call the others!” Fen reached out her hand and the man rose into the air, comlink falling from fingers now occupied with grasping his throat. With the other hand, she shot him in the head, light blazing in her eyes, framed by furious brows. Hera took stock and aimed at the next man, and then the next.

In a collection of furious moments, it was over. For once, they had had they advantage of both numbers and surprise on the small platoon of troopers surveying the area. Another couple of minutes and the shuttle was rising back up into the air, speeding away while the horizon was still clear.

“She’s a Jedi.” Cham was staring at Fen, who sat opposite them in the long middle room of the shuttle.

“Yes.” Hera clenched her jaw, for a moment, she had forgotten the reason she had kept Fen’s powers hidden from him. No longer.

“How long have you know?”

A spring-loaded trap of a question if she had ever seen one. Fen was not making eye contact from across the aisle, instead staring out the narrow patch of noon-day sky that could be seen through the open doors of the cockpit. Quickly, Hera weight her options, neither were ideal. Was she so unobservant she had failed to notice a Jedi, something the other girls would call her on, or had she lied to her father this whole time, depriving him of a valuable asset for his rebellion.

She knew her answer. “I’ve known since I met her.” Her father stared at her, orange eyes narrowing.

“And you failed to see the importance of this kind of information?”

“I didn’t think the abilities of my friend were particularly relevant at the time.” She placed emphasis on friend, hoping he would clue in that she wasn’t an asset.

She was disappointed almost immediately. “You willingly hid valuable information from the rebellion.” His voice had turned deadly and no one was looking at them anymore, but Hera was passed caring about his approval. She had to be.

“Yes, I did. Fen’s a friend, not a tool for your vendetta against the Empire. She’s not a weapon or a soldier, she’s just a girl.”

It was the second time today someone had laughed in her face. “You are more foolish than I gave you credit for it you think she is not either. She is a weapon by her very nature.”

“You’re wrong, the Jedi tried to strive for peace.” They had failed miserably, but that was beyond the point she was trying for.

“They turned themselves into weapons and soldiers for the Clone Wars, they invaded and conquered our home. Or have you already forgotten? You are deluded by this girl if you think she can be anything less than what she is.” He turned his attention to Fen briefly and she met his gaze, eyes wide.

“I will not let you use her Father.”

“As long as she is on Ryloth, she will help us defend our home against the invaders she brought here. It is the least she can do.”

“Then we are leaving.” Her father fell silent for a blissful, nerve-wracking moment, still staring at Fen, who looked back, as if afraid to turn her gaze from a predator. Slowly, he turned to her and Hera braced for impact.

“You would choose her over your own people, over me?” He didn’t believe her commitment, not yet.

The same choice, all over again. But this time, it wasn’t just for Fen. An older, deeper grievance sprung forth, argument long formed. “I am choosing to go and I choose to take her with me. I have had enough of your version of rebellion, enough of the ends justifying the means. I cannot stay here any longer and be the person I want to be, the person mother would have been proud of. I need to find my own way to fight the Empire. I want to bring hope to oppressed people beyond Ryloth because just us, all alone, is never going to work. This rebellion has to spread, to become bigger than any one person if it is to succeed. And I am going to make that happen.” She was standing by the time she was done talking, thoughts and emotion having blended together so fully she wasn’t even fully aware of what she had said. But it seemed to have had an impact, for a moment, her father was silent.

“Very well. But if you go, you are no longer a part of this rebellion, you are no longer a part of this family.”

“What family? What’s left besides you and your pain?” Tears threatened, but she held her ground. “No father, I am going and nothing you say will change my mind.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which a home is lost and a home is restored

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp as I started writing this i realized i forgot about Chopper for the last few chapters... lets just pretend that didn't happen okay?

Hera said nothing else as the rebel shuttle descended back into the hanger bay underneath the sandstone column of her home, her former home. The thought was another dagger in her back. She said nothing as she and Fen collected their belongings. She was silent as she worked furiously on the ship, adjusting some modifications, finishing others, anything to make the former slave-ship space worthy again. Internally, she was not so reserved. All the things she had said, wished she had said, could have said were chasing circles in her head. But words were out of her mouth now, out into the world and out of her control, yet still in her mind she tried. Again and again she tried to articulate more clearly, to make him understand, to make him not hate her.

Fen remained at her side, following Hera’s silent lead with downcast eyes, handing Hera whatever tools she needed with a middling success rate. Every so often as Fen handed her yet another hydrospanner, their fingers would graze one another and lightning would crackle between them. At least, she hoped it was. Fen’s face revealed nothing, a study in mask-making. Slavery had taught her much, yet Hera still longed for some emotion from her, a smile, a twitch in her lips, a softening around her eyes. It was maddening.

Still she said nothing.

The day was nearly done by the time she finished the repairs, even with Chopper’s aid. The bright-white flood lights of the hanger bay illuminated the distinct lack of other twi’leks, despite the changes that needed to be done to the other ships after the Imperial inspection. No one wanted to be around her, the traitor's daughter, as though her disloyalty was infectious. Hera shivered as grief tightened it’s hold on her chest. If only she were better with words, more passionate about what she was doing. If only she could make them understand she wasn’t trying to betray them, only trying to help more people.

“Why can’t they see we can’t do this on our own?” She whispered her most common thought out loud, sending it out into the world.

“See what?” Fen asked. Hera turned to look at her, curled up against a wall while Hera made her final checks, dark circles under her eyes, changed out of her shredded dress back into a turtleneck, black hair in a loose braid. Briefly, she wished she could stick her fingers into it, pull the hair free, feel the silken strands in her hands. It was a thought she did not voice.

“Huh? Oh,” Hera turned her attention back to her work, twisting a spanner viciously against a stubborn bolt. “Ryloth defeating the Empire alone means nothing. If we drive them off, they’ll just come back with a stronger force. If we can convince them that the planet is worth nothing to the Empire  they’ll just bomb it into slag to prove they can. The only way to do this, the only way to free Ryloth is to defeat the Empire forever. Only then can we be safe.” She chucked the tool back into her box, shaking slightly.

“For the record, I think you’re right.” Fen sad quitely, then, when Hera didn’t respond, “Is that everything?” She looked around, sleeves of her sweater pulled down around her hands.

“Yeah.” Hera turned to look at the hanger bay. She was crazy to leave her home. It would be madness to stay. How could she live torn in two? A figure appeared in the doorway. Her father said nothing, staring at her, hands on his hips. Forcing herself to swallow the lump that had been developing in her throat all day, she turned and stalked on to the ship. He would not see her struggle in this, he didn’t deserve it.

The ship took off and Hera didn’t look down, refused to let herself look back, fearing it would break her. She hardly glanced at the navicomputer as she inputted coordinates to somewhere, anywhere away from here. The bright lights of hyperspace burst from nowhere as the ship accelerated around her.

In the silence that followed, Hera tried not to think, tried not to count the light-years she was putting between her and her culture, her life, the only people she had ever loved, the graves of those she had lost. Her hand rested on the break, only a moment of weakness needed to stop this ship, go back, beg for forgiveness, be a good daughter. Hera clenched her jaw, fingers shaking.

“I’m sorry.” Fen whispered into the stillness

“For what?” She didn’t need this meekness and self-pity from Fen. Not right now. “This has nothing to do with you.” She spat, uncaring of the daggers she pulled from her own back to hurl at the only person she had left.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Fen shake her head. “This is at least partly my fault.”

“Stop it.” Hera snapped, spinning to face her. “This isn’t your problem, this isn’t your home your leaving, your people you’re…” She couldn’t say the words, but her rage remained. “Just get over yourself. Not everything is about you!”

Fen gazed at her in silence for a long moment, tears glistening unshed in her eyes, Hera’s chest heaving with unsaid accusations, filling with poison. Unusually, Fen held her gaze. She pushed herself out of her chair, kneeling in front of Hera, hunched over in the pilot’s seat. Slowly, with the hesitation of the profoundly unsure, she reached up, carefully wiping away the tears Hera hadn’t known she had been shedding. Fen left her hand in place, knuckles barely brushing against Hera’s cheek, soft as a butterfly wing. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re making the right choice.” She whispered. “You have the courage to do what you think is right, no matter what. That makes you braver than most.You’re going to succeed. You’re going to save more lives this way Hera, you know it, I know it, and one day, your people, your father will know it too.” Warmth spread through Hera’s chest, banishing anger, dissipating her trembling fingers, leaving guilt.

“Fen … I’m …” She didn’t get to finished the sentence. Instead, Fen pulled Hera to the ground beside her, and she allowed it, collapsing into Fen, who pulled her in, resting her chin on the top of Hera’s head, arms holding her tight. Behind her, Chopper laid a mechanical arm on her back. Whatever else she was, she was not alone.

“It’s okay.” Fen whispered and Hera let go, crying in earnest, a storm of emotion shaking her to her core. Fen didn’t move, a rock in a tempest. They remained as such until the tears had crystalized onto her cheeks.

“When did we drop out of hyperspace?” Hera pulled herself up reluctantly, rubbing at her eyes, emotions calm, she was suddenly aware of the silence around them.

“A few minutes ago.”  Fen stood, reached out her hands, pulling Hera up to her feet. She didn’t let go. “We can go anywhere.” She said, looking out into the void of stars. There was an edge of fear in her voice, her perfect mask askew.

“Do you have anywhere you want to go?”

Fen shook her head. “No, there’s nowhere in particular. What do you want to do?”

“I want to find another rebel group, someone doing something on a galaxy wide scale. There must be someone opposing the Empire out there.” She tore her eyes away from Fen and looked out the viewport, dropping her hands to pace. “I’m not sure how to make contact or even where to find a group like that though. I don’t remember having contact with other groups … before.” The impact of words unsaid still stung, but muted slightly, the wound in her heart still raw but she was no longer in danger of bleeding out.

“We probably want to go somewhere populated then.” Fen mused, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth as she thought. “Maybe somewhere a little less controlled by the Empire.”

“How about Coruscant.” Fen’s head jerked violently as she turned to stare at Hera.

“Coruscant?” Her brows were knit with doubt, something shifting behind her eyes.

“I know, it’s the heart of the Empire, but Fen, there are so many people there! There must be someone rebelling against the Empire! Besides if we go, we can stay in one of the deeper levels were the Empire’s control is a little looser. Unless you would rather go somewhere like Nar Shadda, the Empire doesn’t have much of a presence there.”

Fen shot her a glare. “No, I don’t want to go to Nar Shadda. Obviously.”

“Well what were you thinking?” Hera asked, the idea of Coruscant already filling her mind.

“I don’t know.” Fen sighed. “Coruscant is just … probably not the safest for a Jedi.”

“We’ll be careful then. As long as no one sees you use the Force, no one will know. And that’s true across the rest of the Empire too. Unless you can come up with a better world?”

“Okay.” Fen said eventually, unconvinced. “Coruscant it is.” Now it was her turn to pace as Hera sent the ship once again into hyperspace.

“We need to change our transponder codes before we get to Coruscant, just in case. Whe should we call the ship?”  She looked around the cockpit. “Chopper, you got any ideas?”

She gave a laugh as he answered, the little droid gesticulating wildly. “We’re not calling it the Chopper 2.0!”

“Maybe something stealthy, for good luck? Like … The Shadow?” Fen suggested

“Hmm, how about The Mist?”

“The Fog.” Fen extrapolated, a smile around the edges of her eyes. “The Smoke.”

“How about the Ghost?” At that moment, the ship gave a slight groan.

“I guess that settles it.” Fen was grinning as she looked around. “The Ghost it is.”

Hera punched the code into the ship “Sounds good to me.” She paused for a second as she finished the reprograming.

Fen continued to pace, looking out the viewport, arms wrapped around herself. “Have you ever been?” There was an edge of wistfulness to her tone.

“No. What’s it like?”

“It’s...I don’t know, you kinda have to see it.” She shrugged not looking at Hera.

“What’s wrong?” Hera asked a moment before a thousand things that could be wrong entered her mind. She was taking Fen back to her home, her invaded and conquered home where the destruction of her people had taken place.

“It’s nothing.”

“Fen.” At the sound of her name, she looked over, shoulders hunched and eyes wide. “It’s okay to be afraid. The Empire can’t be everywhere though.”

“It’s not that.” She started pacing again.

“Well, what is it then?”

“I haven’t been there in so long, the last time I was there … I was a Jedi. It was home. Now…”

“You’re still a Jedi though?” Hera inquired, confusion coloring her tone.

“Am I?” Fen finally stopped moving and stared at Hera. “I’m not so sure. I never completed my training, I should still have a padawan braid, a master.” The rest of her mask was cracking, falling away, revealing the fear and anger underneath, written in her brows and the set of her jaw. “Besides, the last thing my master told me ... “ She seemed unable to finish. Hera remained silent. “The Jedi.” Fen made an effort to continue. “They weren’t all good, they… they never came for me.” The last words were a whisper, layered with desperate, almost childlike confusion. Tears were pooling in her eyes now. Hera stood still, placing her hands gently on Fen’s shoulders.

“What do you mean?” She tried not to sound too much like she was prodding for information.

Fen shook her head, body tensing under Hera’s hands. “Besides,” She continued, ignoring Hera’s question. “There are other reasons I don’t think I want to be a Jedi anymore.” She finally looked up, staring Hera full in the face, eyes searching for something, Hera didn’t know what.

“What reasons?” Her stomach suddenly clenched as a possible flicker of understanding washed through her.

Fen opened her mouth and closed it several times without making a sound before forcing out : “You know what I mean.”

“I’m not sure I do.” Hera said slowly, unwilling to assume, she needed to be sure she understood, she needed to hear those words.

Fen swallowed hard, looking for all the world as though she were going to war instead of just admitting how she felt. “I like you.” She whispered to the ground, face a brilliant red. “A lot. More than a Jedi should.”

She could not contain the smile that stretched across her face, pulling until it almost hurt. Loneliness and fear seemed a distant memory. “I like you quite a bit too.” Carefully, she pulled Fen closer, heart trembling, pressing their lips together and Fen responded, joy dispelling both her nerves and anything like coherent thought.

 

* * *

 

Feeling lighter than she had it what must have been years, Fen leaned into Hera’s kiss. A smile spread across her face as Hera’s breath caught in her throat. Against her will, she interrupted it with a yawn, eyes heavy from too many short, interrupted nights. Hera pulled back, smiling, easily the most beautiful thing Fen had ever seen. “Let’s see if we can’t find a bunk in this mess of a ship.

Several minutes later, Fen stared at the bed in mild dismay. “I do not want to sleep on the top.” She paused, considering. “Actually, no, I will take the top, then at least when it collapses I won’t be squished to death.”

“How thoughtful of you.” Hera laughed and Fen grinned, immensely pleased with herself. “We’ll just both sleep on the bottom then.” She grinned shamelessly

“Is it going to fit both of us?” The dubious nature of the bed seemed suddenly less important than her imminent proximity to Hera.

“Only one way to find out.” She pulled Fen towards her and together they crammed themselves into the lower bunk, faces a scant inch apart, both smiling. “This works for me.”

“Me too.” Fen whispered, briefly emboldened, she pulled herself even closer so that the length of her body was pressed against Hera, pulling her head under Hera’s chin, she closed her eyes, safer than ever in her arms.

Fen woke with a start, a moment or an eternity later, shaking with feverish cold. Where she was, she couldn’t say, fear cloying and stifling her mind, she tried to move and found herself retrained. Briefly she struggled against her bonds until she heard someone give the noise of a bothered sleeper and she tilted her head up. Recognition and warmth filled her, driving away fear. Immediately, she relaxed. She was safe here. In moments, sleep reclaimed her.

Several nightmares later, it was the sound of the ship preparing to come out of hyperspace that woke her. Despite her dreams, she felt more rested than she had in a long time. Hera groaned and tried to sit up, bashing her head on the bed above in the process. Let’s go.”

The hyperspace lane continued around them and as Hera prepared for their approach, Fen’s nerves reasserted themselves with a vengeance. If Hera’s hands hadn't been occupied with controls, she might have grabbed one of them. She was going home. Finally, unfortunately, gloriously, she would return to the world that raised her. Was the Jedi temple even still there? Had the Empire pulled it apart, stone by stone, pretending that a thousand generations of history had never happened? Or had they left it a gutted ruin, a reminder of their power? It might be better if it was gone, she considered, better than abandoned, feral animals making their homes where once Jedi had mediated.

The weight of her loss hit like a freighter ship. She was alone in the universe, the Jedi existed only in her childhood memories, tinted and warm, growing bleaker with age, whether her skepticism or the times themselves had wrought this change, she could not say. The idea of the abandoned temple run a deep gong of foreboding her heart and briefly she considered telling Hera that she couldn’t do this, but it was already too late.

With a rush, hyperspace collapsed around them and they reverted back to real space. Ahead of them, the brightest gem in the galaxy, the glittering throne-world of the Empire. Coruscant. It shone against the blackness of space, a miniature cold star, outshining its dim sun. Thousands of concentric rings dotted its surface, the etchings of giants, their language long forgotten, their beauty universal. Millions of ships like shining rivers into space streamed around it, ten thousand comet’s tails. Beside her, Hera gasped in sudden wonder.

“It sure is something, isn’t it.” Her heart pulled her to this place, despite it all. Home. The concept resounded within her bones, drawing her in, like a fish on a line.

“Wow.” Hera expressed, insufficiently. She piloted the ship towards the world, following countless others on their way to the capital. Neither of them could pull their eyes way, Fen scanning for features she knew, the topography both familiar and foreign.

“This is officer 11788531 to the freighter Ghost. You have entered Coruscant airspace. Please state your business here and transmit a copy of your manifest. The officer sounded bored, whether that would be good or bad for them, Fen couldn’t say. She reached out into space, trying to find the soul that matched the voice, but there were too many.

“Officer 11 uhhh… This is the Ghost.” Hera answered, “We have no cargo, we’re just coming to visit family.”

“No cargo?”

“We borrowed the company ship.”

Fen tuned out as Hera continued to navigate customs with a mixture of truth and lies, her eyes fixed down below, imaging the surface.

“Everything checks out, you’re cleared to go. Please follow vector 23.077 to the surface.”

Hera shot her a quick grin, delight at their ruse in her eyes as she angled the ship towards the planet. The tension allowed her a few minutes of respite as they descended towards the surface, until the details became truly visible and she began again her search for the temple. Here and there, the great buildings of Coruscant jumped out at her, interspersed with more unfamiliar sights than she had expected, the Empire was remaking the surface of the world in their image. Still, apartment complexes taller than mountains grazed thin clouds, old factories yet billowed smoke, brilliant flashes of green marked the handful of gardens that belonged to the ultra rich.

Her heart knew the way she wanted to go, the route long beaten into her mind and so as they turned, heading away from the direction in which the Jedi Temple lay, she almost protested. This was not the way home. Fen bit her tongue before the slip could betray her desire for that place. She had just rejected the Order, it had abandoned her long ago, and still, despite herself, that place exerted a pull, a gravity of its own, that only she could feel.

Trying to prevent tears, Fen reached out with the Force, feeling the life that weighed down around her, a pleasant pressure against her mind. She had forgotten what she had been missing. The whole world teamed with life of every description, a trillion beings going about their lives, sleeping, working, eating, playing grav-ball in the streets, dancing in elaborate rooms. She could feel them all, a sea of souls in which she could not drown, for she too was a part of it, the great cosmic dance of it all.

“Happy to be home?” Hera asked, interrupting her mental reunion.

“Not sure.” Fen admitted because even here, especially here, the darkness in the Force had spread, a haze hung heavy over this place, deep red wine spilt over a brilliant tapestry. “The Empire is very strong here.”

Hera nodded. Every second they dropped closer, the miniature, perfect illusion of a world fragmented into reality. Rust became visible on pristine metal, streams of traffic resolved into a million million ships and shuttles and speeders.

“We’re going to have to go down a few hundred levels, maybe a thousand or do.” Fen mused, dredging old memories back to the surface, bracing against emotional impact.

“A thousand levels down?” How deep is the surface?”

Fen shrugged. “I think five or six thousand, I don’t think anyone really knows.”

“Have you ever been all the way down?” Hera stared into the deep crevices between buildings, as though she hoped she would get a glimpse of solid land deep below.

“No.” She laughed. “No one goes down there, stuff gets strange once you descent into the bottom levels. Weird animals and even weirder people. Fly down there.” She gestured to one of the shafts that bored a hole straight down past the buildings. “We probably can’t afford the nice spaceports.”

“Here goes nothing.” Hera slipped into the flow of traffic with a skill that had the potential to soon become ease. Sunlight faded behind them as they descended first into twilight and then into shadow, their way now illuminated by lights. Further and further down they went until the lights started to flicker, most of them still functional.

“This should be good.” Hera pulled up, sending the ship ito once of the levels, 863, Fen caught a glimpse of the number as they went by. The wide spaces between the levels in this shipping and export area were more than wide enough. In minutes, they had found a hanger bay with vacancy and Hera lowered the ship, settling lightly on the artificial ground.

  
Fen tried not to race out of the ship, long-lost youth in her step. The hanger bay opened and in wafted in the smells of the city-world in all its pungent glory, even from within the thick walls of the hanger bay, she could hear the sounds of street vendors and children. Even the way the air brushed against her skin was familiar. She was home.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen and Hera sort out endings and beginnings

Hera stepped slowly from the Ghost, Chopper at her heels. Around her, the air bustled with an activity that, for a moment, caused her mind to trick her heart into believing she was back in Lessu, back home. Several seconds later, she had regained her composure and paid the droid at the front to keep their ship safe for a while, for what seemed like way too much of their money. Another thing to worry about, another load on the back of her mind. Her father and his million secret streams of revenue that kept the rebellion running had meant she had never concerned herself overmuch with it in the past. The knowledge of return, of the temporary nature of her missions had always insulated her. That was all gone now.

“Which way should we go?” In contrast to her gloomy countenance, Fen was beaming, a flower suddenly blooming once planted in its native soil. Her face shone with happiness, bliss even, erasing the lines of fear from between her brows. Her elation was almost grating.

“I have no idea. You know this world.”

Fen gave her an eye-roll that came across as smug. “Coruscant is so big, no one can know the whole thing, I’ve never even been to this level before.”

“You still know more than I do.” Hera gritted her teeth. She was not some provincial, overwhelmed by the glittering capital. Well, she was, but she didn’t want to be treated like one.

“Let’s try this way.” Fen suggested, stepping out into the noisy street.

At this distance, on this level, Coruscant was a little less than glittering. Nevertheless, as Hera followed Fen, stepping out into the street, she was instantly overwhelmed. Around her moved thousands of people, illuminated by street lights and neon advertising. Wafts of greasy smoke drifted through the air from food vendors with divine-smelling, rusted stands. People shouted on all sides, crying out their deals, each trying to undercut the other for products and services she didn’t understand. The air was heavy with moisture and the smells of people so strong it almost turned her nose. Every other step, she had to watch to not trod into a puddle from the pipes leaking up above. Occasionally, they would cross an intersection and the sky would open up to dizzying heights and she would catch a glimpse of the pale blue sky kilometers above or a deep pit that sunk into the darkness below.

Fell pulled her hand as she constantly stalled, brain trying to process all this information in a few heartbeats.”Come on!” Hera could hardly hear her over the rackets, but she followed nonetheless, Chopper trailing at her heels, uncharacteristically silent. A trillion people, it was an unfathomable number, a nearly impossible sum back on Ryloth, but here, surrounded, she believed it. As she turned each corner, she imagined an end to the crowds, but it never materialized. Fen herself seemed to be wandering almost at random, eyes wide and bright, taking in everything. Hera, trying to remember the turns they took away from the Ghost, sighed and pushed her discomfort to the back of her mind. Right now they looked like lost tourists, someone needed to take charge.

“Hey.” She shouted finally, “Let’s not get too far from the Ghost.” Fen kept walking for a few seconds after Hera had stopped, then, like a pet running out of chain, she lurched against their connected hands.

“What?” Hera’s practicality warred with the starry look on Fen’s face. Surely she could let Fen wander around her home a little longer?

Practically won the war. “I said I don’t want to get too far from the ship, we’ll need to find our way back eventually.

Fen glared, for a moment Hera wondered if she would fight back, but, a moment later she dropped her gaze. “I guess we should find a place to stay.”. Together, they turned, walking more slowly back the way they had come, Hera took a steadying breath, turning her attention away from the populace to the windows plastered with ads that flanked the street. “How about this?” Fen asked, stopping in front of a building that looked a little cleaner than the others, a flashing sign proclaiming rooms for rent. It looked almost nice.

“It’s going to be too expensive.” Hera warned, trying to preempt Fen’s hopes.

She was shot a look of disbelief in return. “You don’t know that.” Fen dropped Hera’s hand and marched to the advertisement. “Look, it’s only seven hundred credits a month.”

Hera returned her stare of disbelief.” That is way too much.”

“What do you mean? It sounds reasonable to me.”

“We do not have enough for that.” Hera was already turning away, an odd sense of burning shame in her stomach. Several steps later, a new thought crept into her mind. Fen had been a Jedi monk and then a slave, when was the last time she had bought something, anything, with her own money?

She voiced her question.

“I’m not sure. I bet I’ve done it though.” Fen had pulled herself up, tilting her chin in the process.

“Okay. I guess I’ll look after the money then.” Hera pulled Fen away from the building and kept scanning with her own inexperienced eye.

It was nearly an hour later, once Hera was almost hopelessly lost down back alleys that they found something that looked promising. At street level it was a bar, wan yellow light shining out of unwashed windows, the pale glow amplified by the single functioning streetlight outside. Looking up were a series of small windows, each with a flickering light in shades of yellow. The sign in one of them proclaimed cheap and clean rooms.

“Are you sure about this?” Fen’s nose was wrinkled in disapproval.

“You’ve seen worse.” Hera tried not to growl, her patience nearly expired as she pushed Fen inside, ignoring the brief flash of something in her eyes.

She marched them both into the bar, moving easily through the middle-sized crowd. “Hello.” Hera plastered a quickly constructed smile on her face and stood tall, trying not to look as exhausted and desperate as she felt. The bartender, a human man, turned slowly, pushing greasy hair out of his eyes. The look he gave her made her want to take a shower. Gritting her teeth, she grabbed Fen by the wrist, who she guessed was about to run. To her surprise, Fen was as still as a statue.

“What do you want?” He said eventually.

“A room.” Hera turned to Fen, her face was as pale as death. Something about the bartender deflated at her words.

“For how long.”

“A couple of weeks to start.” Hopefully they wouldn’t need to stay in this place longer than that.

“That’ll be three hundred fifty credits upfront. Food’s extra.” Hera did some quick math with growing unease, trying to keep her face even.

He gave them both another long, roving glance, eyes lingering . “Though, I could use some help down here every once and a while, I’d make it three hundred, throw in the food.”

Hera swallowed hard, his gaze clinging to her skin like oil. “What kind of help?” 

“Just servin drinks, mindin the bar, that sorta thing.”

She nodded slowly, weighing their options. “Okay, you have a deal.” Fen said nothing, her chest rising and falling faster than Hera though was normal. The followed the bartender up a narrow and crooked set of stairs into a small room with peeling pain and a filthy window filled with neon light.

“There you go. Meals are at the bar whenever. You start tomorrow.” The door goaned shut behind him. Hera let go of Fen’s wrist and walked forward, taking stock of the space, trying not to think about her room at home, filled with warm orange sunlight and adobe walls. This frigid space, smelling faintly of mildew could not be more different. As homesickness overwhelmed her, she suppressed a sob with difficulty, throwing her single bag of belongings onto the only bed in the room and put her head in her hands for a long moment. She could do this. She would do this. Her only real problems right now was a moldy room and a sketchy bartender. She had dealt with worse. Ignoring the chill in the pit of her stomach Hera looked up.

Fen had not moved, instead, she stood, shoulders hunched, in the entry were Hera had released her. “I know it’s not great,” Hera began, it was quite a bit worse than great. “But hopefully it’ll only be for a little while until we can find some rebels and join their group.” Fen didn’t respond, her eyes were moving, but looked strangely unfocused. “Fen?”

A small whimper escaped her throat. Hera stood, concerned. Fen’s demeanor could not have been more different from the jovial girl of an hour ago. She was trembling, fear washing across her face. Carefully, Hera put her hand on Fen’s shoulder. When that received no response, she lifted the other, tiling Fen’s jaw so their eyes met. “Fenrian?”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice was less a sob than a whisper as she pulled away from Hera into the even smaller room that passed for a ‘fresher, the door partly closing behind her. Warring between trying to help and giving her space, Hera remained trapped in place, catching occasional, muffled sobs. Eventually she decided on space and sat on the bed, which groaned alarmingly as she arranged her worldly goods.

Fen emerged looking, if possible, paler than when she had gone in, her eyes rimmed with red and exhaustion. She sat next to Hera, close enough that Hera could put her arm around her and pull her close. “I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Hera twisted her head, releasing Fen to get a look at her face.

“I can’t work down there. I can’t … the way he looked, the things in his mind…” She trailed off, her body giving off another violent tremor.

Hera tried to measure her words. “I know it’s going to be hard for both of us, but we don’t have a lot of options right now.”

Fen shook her head, jaw alternating between clenching and shaking. “No. I can’t. You know that.”

“No, I don’t. We need to eat, we need a place to stay. I don’t like this any more than you do but we don’t have a choice. I know it's not my … father’s house, but we’ll manage.” To her horror, she found that she too was crying again.

Beyond the fear, Fen’s face hardened. “I can’t do this Hera. I would rather starve.”

‘You would rather starve than serve tables every other night?” She really did try and make it sound less incredulous than she felt. Her eyes were pulled down to where Fen was rubbing violently at her wrists, twisting her hands around the scars that covered the skin, still an irritated red.  It hadn’t been that long, she reminded herself. “Fine.” She allowed herself to give in to Fen, her slender fingers and desperate eyes twisting her heart. “I’ll see what I can do.”

 

* * *

 

Fen sat on the edge of the best furthest from Hera, her wrist still burning where Hera had grabbed it, occasionally pulsing with flashes of memory. Her facade of calm was a dubious, fragile thing at best. Here, in this small, dirty, dark room, she could barely breathe. The thought of going back down to that bar, to the eyes of the men appraising her was enough to make her joints freeze, her mind slip out of gear. Hera had no idea what she was asking, her few days of slavery insufficient to teach her the brutal truths of it.

She was home, she was back on Coruscant, and yet she had never felt so far away. Even with only a feather-light touch on the Force, she could feel the presence of the Temple. But it was not a comforting sensation. Once it had been a lighthouse, a beacon in the storm. Now it was twisted, corrupted, light almost snuffed out. It reminded her of herself, a thought she didn’t dare dwell on.

Hera had a comlink, she could switch it to the Jedi emergency frequency, call out, listen, perhaps there was an answer there. But, like every time it had occurred to her, she dismissed the notion. Surely the Empire would be watching that channel, the easiest way to track down the Jedi. But here the temptation was stronger. She needed to know what had happened. Whatever she was now, she had been a Jedi for most her life, they had tied themselves to her, strings of fate so thick they could not be cut easily, or with impunity.

“I’m going to the Temple.” She said into the quiet, only partly aware of giving voice to her thoughts.

“Are you sure? The Empire’s going to be here.” She felt Hera shift on the bed beside her, concern and pity in Hera’s mind still. Both emotions curdled her stomach.

“I know, I’ll go alone.” She stood, the image of the Temple burning bright in her mind.

“No, it’s too dangerous.” Hera moved to follow, but Fen raised a hand.

“I need to do this alone.” She didn’t wait for a response, but walked to the door as fast as she could before her courage failed her. Hera didn’t try and come after her as she made her way back down the narrow stairs, but her body halted her just before the bar, terror locking her limbs in place. Several long moments of indecision followed, her body quaking with the thought. She let out a shaking breath and, like armor, Fen wrapped the Force around her and slowly descended into the bar area, which had only grown more crowded as time passed. She could feel each eye on her, as though they were burning holes into her soul as she all but ran from them, their disquieting thoughts crowding against her mind.

She was out of breath and almost in tears as she exited, heart deafening the sounds from the bar she could still feel in her bones. She leaned against the outside of the building for a moment, catching her breath. Still more people on the street glanced over at her. Fen suddenly regretted not having Hera, her shield, at her side. They had barely been separated since they had found each other and now she felt naked, exposed, vulnerable. Her pride alone stopped her from running back upstairs to grab her.

As fast as she could, Fen made her way to the nearest turbolift and up, using the few credits Hera had deigned to give her. The turbolift continued to rise as she stewed in fear and anxiety, sunlight streaming around the car with increasing brilliance. At last, she reached the top, the floating surface of Coruscant, many, many kilometers above the surface. Unwilling to ask directions and draw attention to herself, Fen used the Force as a compass, moving through the bustling, well-dressed crowds towards the corrupted light of the Temple.

Up here, on the surface, the skyscrapers blocked most of the sun, but at least she had clear sky above her it’s warmth shining down on her occasionally. Even so, this was not quite the home she remembered, the buildings were changing, more severe, taller, harsher; the fashion of the streets matching the brutal buildings around them. The final nail in the coffin of the dream that was her home were the stormtroopers. They were everywhere, each one testing her impassive mask and heart rate.

Fen looked up as she rounded yet another corner and caught her first glimpse. Reaching above the skyline were the five towers of the Temple, stark against the pale blue sky. It still stood. The great monument of the Jedi remained, the trail in the Force that she followed was not just the memory of a ghost. Perhaps Hera was right, perhaps there was still hope after all. Her moment of wonder was quickly lost as the rest of her mind caught up, unwilling to let her revel in this. She was no Jedi, by her own choice.

Her feet kept moving, a sense of false security growing with every second as she passed that invisible threshold between coming home and arriving, that point where landmarks became familiar friends, where all routes were known, places layered and steeped in memories. Despite all the changes, despite her mixed emotions, she felt safer than she had been in years.

There were more and more patrols as she approached the Temple, the crowds became even more richly dressed, though their clothes were still dark and angular. Now instead of ordinary citizens, she passed through the ranks of the wealthy, the senators, the aides, and only a few people like her, likely up to no good. There was less traffic on the sidewalks, as most had speeders or shuttles, despite this, the sidewalks were wider than ever. There was also an uptick in the number of military officers, dark black and olive uniforms blending in with the high fashion of the day.

Finally, finally, the endless sea of buildings stopped suddenly, leveling out into a flat expanse and at the end of it, the mountain of Coruscant, the Jedi Temple reached skywards. A smile came to her face, despite both herself and the pit of snakes that was her stomach. She could almost hear the room of a thousand fountains, the quiet murmur of conversation, the peace of the library, the smell of incense, the laughter of master yoda’s instruction room. The negatives, the shades on her happiness were forgotten in the moment, and so too were her surroundings until she was stopped by a barricade.

“Ma’m, this is a restricted area.” A stormtrooper held out his hand from behind a low wall of permacrete.

“Huh?” Fen scrambled, pulling herself together. “Sorry, I was a little lost in thought, what did you say?”

“The Imperial Palace is off-limits to civilians at this time.” Her brain seemed to have ceased its functions.

“What?”

“Is she deaf?” She heard one of the stormtroopers mutter.

“The Palace is off-limits.”

“The Palace?”

“Yes.” The trooper was becoming irritated, but his words had finally punctured her happy ballon of denial and her stomach twisted with sudden nausea, her skin gone cold. She began to retreat, eyes fixed hopelessly on the tallest tower, where once the Jedi Council had sat. The Imperial Palace. The Jedi Temple. Her home. All one and the same. All off-limits to her at this time. It was so far from what she had feared, so much worse in a twisted way she could not name. A sacred space defiled, a precious ounce of magic drained for the universe. A childhood memory abruptly tarnished.

The Temple was now merely the home of the Emperor. She could imagine no worse fate for that building. It would have been kinder to reduce it to ruble, paved over it, anything rather than this. The murderers had moved it. In her mind’s eye she could imaging them ripping tapestries form the walls, smashing the ancient sculptures, renovating, erasing, warping history. Her people’s history. Her history. The stormtroopers were still watching her, growing suspicion in their minds. In a daze, Fen stumbled away, sliding down onto a bench a block or so later. With bone-deep trepidation, she reached out her mind towards it again, with new understanding, feeling the press of darkness in place of the light. The further she reached, the darker it became, a nexus of corrupted power in its core, so cold it froze her heart. The power that lurked in that former Temple was dark and profane, with a strength and depth that stole her breath. To her horror, she found something within herself answered this terrible call, found something warm and appealing in the darkness.

Inside, she send a sudden presence that  flickered with awareness. Terrified, her certainty flayed to its core, Fen pulled back, as if burned and stood, on the verge of running away. She was lucky there was almost no one walking on the streets or she would have simply run into them in her desperate attempt to escape this horrible mockery of her childhood. There was nothing left unscathed and she was both devastated and savagely glad. The unstable twist of emotion chased her back, down into the darkness, back to Hera and the relative safety she might find in her arms.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen takes a risk; Hera gets to work

Fen walked in a daze away from the Jedi Temple, heartsick and conflicted. The splinters of darkness inside polluted her misery with a satisfaction that twisted her stomach, but she could not deny the feelings entirely. The Jedi had abandoned her, and perhaps they didn’t deserve a fate this gruesome, but recompense, of a sort, had been paid. 

It was several more blocks before she realized she had taken a wrong turn, or rather, her mind had carried her down a more familiar path than the one back to the turbolift. Instead, her feet were travelling closer and closer to the Senate district and a particular restaurant her master had been partial to once upon a time. The realization, one that had occurred to her several times, that he must be dead, now hit her with a rush. Uninvited, memories pressed upon her soul, Master Tiin testing her in the forms over and over again, lectures about they ways of telepathy and empathy, occasional deep laughter over a bowl of noodles. All of them tainted by his abandonment. 

The eternal question pressed upon her mind.  _ Why? _ And now she would never know. She turned, staring at the Jedi Temple that reached over the skyline. It felt final, like a funeral bell. She would never get answers, she could never go back, she would never be a Jedi Knight. The unfairness of it, the unfinishedness of it, washed through her like a tsunami. How dare this war, this destruction, happen to her; how dare she have to live through it alone, how dare the universe leave her to her fate? There was no answer from the eternal Force, as incomprehensible to the human mind as the distance between stars. Beyond her. 

Taking a deep breath, Fen tried to push her darkening thoughts aside, eyes scanning for the familiar neon sign that marked the restaurant, the taste of spicy noodles on her tongue. She almost missed the sudden rush of danger that was not her own. A child, striding out into traffic. She could have been no more than three or four, richly dressed and apparently entirely unaccompanied. She didn’t seem to see the oncoming speeder. Fen did. 

She didn’t pause to think, pulling on the Force as she moved, witnessing destruction before it occurred. She was closing on the child, only a few more steps, she wasn’t going to make it. Another breath and Fen used the Force, launching herself out onto the street with unnatural speed. She grabbed the child in a heartbeat and leapt to the side. Another heartbeat and the speeder passed, horn honking, several furry fists flailing in fury. Fen lay on the sidewalk, clutching the child in her arms, her heart pounding wildly. The toddler began to struggle in her grasp and she stood slowly, body aching where she had fallen on it. 

Fen stretched looking around, several people staring at her. A thought occurred and she froze, fear in her mind. She had just used the Force, in public, to save someone. The Jedi Temple must have affected her mind more strongly than she had thought. With an attempt at nonchalance, she scanned the uninterested crowd. People seemed to be moving on, this incident nothing more than an interesting slideshow in their ordinary lives. Yet, her heart fluttered nervously, feeling the ghosts of blaster bolts against her back. Eventually, she squatted back down in front of the little girl. “Hello you, where are your parents?” The child stares blankly before gesturing vaguely. 

“Daddy.” She gestured again, Fen, glancing in the direction of her chubby finger, saw nothing resembling a concerned parent. 

"Where?” She tried again “Where is your daddy?” The child gestured more forcefully and Fen sighed, picking up the child awkwardly. She moved slowly in the that direction, child wiggling in her arms. This was yet another aspect of life the Jedi had never prepared her for, although, unlike the finer points of commerce, she wanted no part in this aspect of life. She felt sudden dismay rising off of the human child as she was not released, her face contorting with what Fen thought must be the beginning of a scream. 

Quickly, she lowered the child to the ground, maintaining a hold on her sweaty little hand. Immediately, the child began to pull her. As best as she could, Fen followed until they rounded a corner and she finally saw a distressed looking man, skin the same dark shade as she girl she was holding. He looked up as they approached, the countenance of his face changing in an instant, panic washed away with relief. She let go of the girl who immediately took off in a stumbling run. The man scooped his child up in his arms, delight and relief blurring the thin wrinkles on his forehead. For a moment, he simply held her tight to his chest and Fen turned to leave. 

“Wait!” She halted, her back straight, fear unnecessarily pumping adrenaline into her veins. Slowly, Fen turned around, bracing for impact as the man ran up to her. How could she have been so stupid as to use the Force in public?  “Thank you for finding my daughter, I just looked away for a moment and she was gone!” There was still residual panic in his voice.

“It was no trouble.” She ducked her head, turning once again to leave, sensing the eyes of others upon her. 

“No, please, how can I repay you?” 

“I don’t need anything, really.” Her stomach growled inconveniently, hunger reminding her of the noodle shop, but her desire to leave was stronger still.\

“At least let me buy you lunch.” He was not gracious enough to let it pass without comment apparently. 

 “Please,” She held up her hands, trying to ward him off. “I have to go.” Moving as quickly as she could, Fen spun around, leaving him sputtering, and half a dozen others staring in her wake, a bright red flush spreading across her cheeks. She kept walking uncomfortably fast, unwilling to break into a run, her legs aching at the unfamiliar gait. She didn’t slow down until she reached the turbolift back down to Hera. Every once and a while, she stretched out with the Force to see if anyone was following her. Even then she didn’t dare reach out too far. The dark presence in the temple at the forefront of her mind. She felt vulnerable, exposed. Anyone could have seen her, had there been cameras? Fen didn’t know. She had just put that man, his child, even Hera in danger. But if she hadn’t used the Force, the child would have died. It was the kind of moral calculus she had always shied away from. There was still a chance no one had seen anything unusual, that nothing bad would happen. A twist in her gut told her that was unlikely. 

 It took her a long time to find her way back to the bar, up above, the sun must have nearly set. Down near the thousandth level, it was always dark, perpetually illuminated lights casting the streets into unending twilight. Large crowds of people shifted through the streets in well worn clothes, some factory must have just had a shift change. Everyone looked slightly dour. Her skin crawled as she walked through the crowd with its many shifting eyes, some of which fell on her, her mind on desperate alert for a threat to herself as she pressed as close to the buildings as possible, trying to stay out of anyone’s line of sight. It was a particular torture; she would need to use the Force to defend herself if anything happened, and if she used the Force, she was that much closer to death. If she let something happen to herself, it was just another form of execution, another piece of her soul destroyed.

This train of thought pursued her to the outside of the bar and there it held her. The place had only grown more crowded since she had left, most of the tables filled, several serving girls wandering between tables. Fen felt nauseated just looking at them, fear locking her in place, staring into the window at the greasy interior.  _ You just have to walk through it. _ She thought fiercy to herself, stalled at the window.  _ This is stupid. No one is going to do anything to you. _ It was one thing to think it, it was another think to make herself believe it. She stood outside for what felt like an eternity before it occurred to her that there might be a back way in. 

Shivering in the damp air, she made her way down an alley littered with broken glass and tattered bags of refuse. The smell of stale urine and rotting food permeated her nostrils but it was better than going through the bar. She crept to the back, nearly crying with relief as she saw the simple black door and the rear, relief overwhelming her as it opened with a groan. The sounds of the bar hit her like a wall and sent her heart scattering, but she pressed past it, seaking up a set of backstairs and towards the room she now shared with Hera, stomach insisting yet again that she eat something. If she would have to go downstairs she would rather starve. It wouldn’t be the first time.

 She entered their code and the door hissed open sluggishly to reveal Hera pacing back and forth, despite the fact she could manage no more than three or four steps in any direction, Chopper beeping at her in a tone Fen thought indicated irritation. Her head flicked up, relief spreading across her face and mind. “You’re back!” Fen nodded, stepping inside. She tensed as Hera wrapped her arms around her, mind too full to relax. Hera seemed to recognize this a moment later as she released Fen. “Are you alright? What did the Empire do with the Temple?” 

 “They turned it into the Imperial Palace.” Her voice was a whisper, the thought sticking in her throat. “It’s ruined.” Feeble words to describe the magnitude of what the Empire had done, poor words for the wreckage of her childhood. 

 “Oh Fen,” For a moment it looked as though Hera wanted to grab her hand but seemed to think better of it. “I’m so sorry.”

 “It’s okay.” It was not okay. 

“I have some food for you?” Her voice was hesitant, unsure of the reception of her words. “I thought you might not want to go get it.” 

Relief and gratitude took her first, and then exhaustion as she slumped onto the bed, hurriedly eating her cold food. “Thank you.” She whispered.

 

* * *

 

 

Hera watched as Fen ate, trying to slow her racing heart. Fen was back. She hadn’t died or been captured or any of the thousand horrible fates she had imagined during Fen’s absence. This girl, this creature, who stared at her with a furtive gaze and a gentle smile, she had wormed her way into Hera’s heart so completely, her absence had been a chill on the back of her neck. Now she was back and all Hera wanted to do was touch her, hold her, make sure she was real. She caved to her wishes after a moment, sitting down beside her, arms brushing. “I’m sorry. I know a little of what it’s like for the Empire to take over your home.”  Fen looked up from her cold dinner, devastation in her eyes

“I never imagined … it’s so corrupted, I don’t know what to do.” She looked up, beseeching. 

“We have to defeat the Empire.” Hera pulled on the certentity she could always find in her core. “It’s the only way.” 

Fen bit her lip, nodding. She put down her plate and looking as though she were going to grab a poisonous serpent, she grabbed Hera’s hand. Her fingers were cold, lightly calloused. “Together?” Her voice was almost a whisper

“Together.” Hera confirmed, delighting in the way happiness dispelled Fen’s fear. She had wanted to make plans, to talk things over, but Fen was too close, her presence overwhelming. Instead, Hera did what she had longed to do for some time and reached out slowly. Fen tensed and Hera paused, giving her space, but she didn’t pull away. After a heartbeat, Hera continued and pulled Fen’s braid forward, untangling it with her fingers. Just as she had imagined, it was silky smooth, strands parting under her hands. Fen watched her, face soft, eyes intense. She was trapped in the moment as Fen’s hair came free, falling out of Hera’s fingers and spreading around her like a curtain of darkness. She looked up, almost blushing under Fen’s gaze, so focused, it was as though Fen was staring into her very soul. Hopefully she liked what she found there because Hera was not about her let her go any time soon.

Carefully, eyes open, as though she were making a study, Fen leaned forward and pressed her forehead against Hera’s their eyes at a level. Her face, as it did so often in Hera’s mind swelled until it was all she could see, the freckles lightly dotted across the bridge of her nose, the small pale scars that marked her face, the flecks of deep gold in her sea-blue eyes. Slowly, in sync with each other, they both closed their eyes, pressing their lips together and Hera moved her hand to the back of her head. 

After what was simultaneously forever and not long enough, Fen went stiff, pulling back. “What?” Panic twined around her heart and she reluctantly allowed Fen to escape her, fear in her eyes. 

“It’s not fair.” Fen closed her eyes, pressing her hands against them, her voice almost a sob. “This isn’t like that but …” Her voice trailed off, her body shrinking in on itself. Hera hovered around her, confused, afraid to make a wrong move, wishing she knew what to do.

“Just tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can help.” She sounded too desperate.  _ Please, let me in. Please let me try.  _

“I don’t think you can.” 

“I think I can understand more than you think.” If only she had the words to convince her. 

Fen didn’t respond. For several long minutes, they sat in silence. Below them she could hear the sounds of the bar, easily transmitted through the walls, the heater, which didn’t seem to be doing anything, nevertheless filled the silence with a ticking sound she wanted to look into. Frustration weighed down on Hera’s shoulders. She just wanted to help, she just wanted to make Fen feel safe. It wasn’t enough apparently.  _ Fine.  _ The uncharitable voice in her mind pressed her onwards and trying not to be in too much of a huff, she turned and left the damp room. Wrapping a coat around her, she descended the stairs, the sounds of mild drunkenness growing with every step. It was, she had to admit, a little unnerving, as she stepped down onto the main floor and tried to walk out, eyes following her movements.

Unexpected melancholy slammed into her as she recognized the eyes staring at her were human, that she was alone. Biting her lip, she all but ran from the bar and out into the dark street. She was a twi’lek. That had implications here. The sudden knowledge of her own vulnerability almost made her want to run back up to the room, to lock the door, to sit with Fen and never come out. But she crushed the feeling. She wasn’t Fen, her own resolve was enough to push past the fear. She had a job to do here, and the sooner they did it, the sooner she could leave. She needed to find rebels, insurgents, anyone fighting the Empire.

Without a fixed direction in mind, Hera started to walk, keeping to the lights that existed, staying out of the deep shadows that seemed to be the main population of this level. How would she find them? Her mind worked while she strolled, gears clicking into place as she shifted through the eternal crowds. They would likely have to be subtle, the Empire was right above their heads, looking for demonstrations of any kind would be foolish. In order to plan, they would need at least a few to be highly placed, to get information from the inside, some of the senators perhaps? Their aides? 

She looked around at the refuse blowing around in the streets, the cracked permacrete, the flickering street lights, the state of the people around. This was not where those people would be. But perhaps there would be people on this level trying to stir up sympathy. In that case, the bar might just be her best option. There, under the protection of drunkenness, perhaps someone looking to recruit could put the idea in people’s mind. Hera switched her focus to bars, perhaps something a little nicer than the one she would be working in, one a little less devoted to serving people just interested in forgetting their last work day and more interesting in making a good time. 

Unprompted, she thought about finding her father, telling him all this. She was planning out how she would phrase it when she remembered. She would not be seeing him again. He hated her. She broke her own rules and slipped into an alleyway, leaning against the wall as grief crashed into her. It was silly that she could forget. Here, under a stone sky, surrounded by people who looked at her and saw a plaything, how she could forget, even for a second, why she was here, what it had cost? She closed her eyes, let out a long breath, trying to remember her reasons for leaving. There was a purpose to all of this and she would prove herself to him. She pulled herself away from the slime-covered wall, forcing herself to relax slightly. She could do this. 

Eventually, she found the kind of bar she was looking for, one with music not too loud, with patrons not too drunk and where she found at least a few smiles. From experience, it was a lot easier to suggest things to happy people. The popularity of the bar was such that there were only a few seats left, right in the middle of the room, luckily, that was exactly what she wanted. Nursing a single largish drink she had probably paid too much for, Hera sat and began to listen. 

People, she had learned over years of practice, paid little attention to their surroundings, often giving away information without a care who might be listening. As such, she often picked up quite a few tidbits that, while might not be directly related to what she wanted, were at least interesting. Over the course of the next couple of hours, she learned about several affairs, a handful of petty crimes, some of the latest news from higher levels; the Emperor was planning to increase security, a senator had been arrested for tax evasion, the military recruiters were pressing harder than ever. Slowly, she pieced together the political situation. Enough to learn she was going to have to try harder. 

Here on Coruscant, the effects of the war were muted, a secondary side show to the political machinations of the elite. The people gossiping around Hera apparently felt that the security, the restored flow of trade and most importantly, the crackdown on politicians sticking their noses where they didn’t belong meant a lot to this crowd. It meant enough, apparently, that they were satisfied with the Empire. A few of the non-humans appeared less pleased, but overall, content. Having heard enough, Hera paid her bill and slipped out of the relatively warm bar and out onto the damp streets, off to the next, unnoticed by all. 


	14. Chapter 14

It took Hera nearly a week to find any hint of a larger group of rebels on Coruscant, even with Chopper listening in on languages she couldn’t understand. During the course of the week she had been to more than a dozen different bars, spending hours just listening, then coming back to their place only to spend yet more time in a bar being ogled by strange men. Fen had not budged an inch. She refused all arguments and cajoling to Hera’s increasing irritation. She had tried to ask the bartender if it was okay that only one of them worked, but that had required a hasty lie to explain that Fen was sick in order to prevent him from evicting them on the spot. And still, Fen refused. Annoyed and stressed, Hera had taken to spending more and more time looking for rebels. 

She understood what Fen had gone through, she really thought she did, but this intransigence was deeply frustrating. As she had told Fen in several arguments, it might be hard, it was hard for Hera, but they didn’t have many options as their funds continued to dwindle. Her current singular and slender ray of hope was that once she found rebels, they would help her fund a move to a different room, ideally one that didn’t include working in a bar.  

The tenth night of their stay on Coruscant found Hera at yet another bar, this one the furthest yet from their room where Fen likely still sat, as reserved and uncommunicative as she had been when Hera left. Anger at Fen was burning closer and closer to the surface, and yet, despite all her flaws, she would occasionally give Hera a brilliant smile that melted her heart without effort, or say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time and all would be forgiven. Even now, annoyed as she was, Hera missed her, worried about her, her presence always near the forefront of Hera’s mind with a strength that was almost concerning. How quickly this girl had dominated her. 

Despite the ghost of Fen in her mind, she had a job to do. The room around her was continuing to fill up, the sounds of idle chatter and drunken laughter her constant companions these days. From the side of the room, she watched, observing the crowds as they shifted and swelled, carefully focused on the discussions around her. It seemed that Ascention week was coming up, a large series of parties planned, but that would be on the higher levels, most people up their would even get time off. Down in the lower levels there might be fireworks, maybe some confetti, certainly not a day off of work. She tuned out that discussion. Nothing interesting. 

A couple walked into the bar, catching Hera’s eye as they scanned the room, clearly looking for someone with a focus that seemed out of place for this establishment. Expressions clearing as they found their friend, they went and sat down directly in front of Hera, who turned her attention to them. The conversation started out innocuous enough that she almost turned her attention away. “Enough of this, did you get the information or not?” One of the people, a human woman, at the table hissed.” Hera snapped her attention back, still casually sipping her drink. 

“Not here Driller.” The woman hissed. “This stuff is sensitive, I don’t want this falling into the wrong hands.” 

“So you did get something?”

“I think so, but please, don’t ask me anymore.” The woman looked around nervously, but Hera was pretending to be engrossed with the couple dancing on a table several feet in the other direction. 

“Got it right from under the Moff’s nose.” The final member of the group whispered smugly. 

“Rysha!” The woman hissed, swatting her partner in the arm. Hera had to restrain a smile. She had something. “Let’s get back to the dojo, we can talk more about it there.” They paid for their drinks a few minutes later. Hera followed as soon as they were out of the door. 

Twenty feet off, the trio walked, heads together, discussing something quietly. One of them peeled off and Hera’s desire for Fen to be at her side rose again to the surface. She fell a little further back of the main group and pulled out her comlink 

“Fen, you there?” 

“Yeah.” Her voice was completely neutral. 

“Can you come and find me, I’m walking back down the main street towards the bar, I think I found some people who know something.” 

“Okay.” 

Putting her comlink back, Hera continued to follow, keeping a solid twenty feet between her and the pair at all times. They looked back a couple of times, but never seemed to spot her. Yet another gift from her father. Hera quashed the sudden pain in her heart quickly. This was no time for sentiment. A few minutes later, Fen appeared at her side, as sudden as a shadow. 

“Hey.”She whispered, Hera’s heart leapt in a way that only had a little to do with being startled. 

“Hey. I’m following those two up ahead, the woman with the blonde hair.” Fen’s eyes narrowed as she caught sight of their quarry. “What can you tell about them?” It was a bit of a risk, asking Fen to use the Force, but it was a subtle enough act and it had just occurred to her that this could easily be a trap for people just like her.

Fen paused for a moment, something about her essence changing slightly as she called upon the Force. They kept walking, Fen moving like a predator, silent on her feet, eyes focused briefly with unnatural intensity. 

“It’s not a trap or anything.” She whispered, returning to normal. “They seem nervous, but not malevolent. They’re concerned someone is following them, but it seems like they always think that. The woman is also very excited about something she has in her pocket, she keeps fiddling with it.”

“Thanks.” Hera relaxed slightly.

They continued to follow down alleys and up levels for another twenty minutes, apparently without being spotted, before the pair turned into a building with a dimly flickering sign that announced that this was the Yinchom Dojo. 

“There’s quite a few people inside.” Fen muttered to Hera under her breath as a trandoshan walked passed. Hera nodded. 

“What’s the mood in there?” She asked, trying to contain herself as Fen’s eyes brightened and then snapped shut, brows furrowing briefly in concentration.  

“Nothing to be concerned about. They seem to just be training. Wait.” Hera held her breath. “Hmm, there’s a few that seem a little worried and excited, but it could be nothing.” 

“Okay. Let’s go in.” 

“Both of us?” Hera was already following, and, despite their recent arguments, she knew Fen would follow. 

A little bell rung as she opened the door, walking in, shoulders straight. At first glance it seemed to be just a training dojo. Her eyes slowly swept the room, passing for now, the groups fighting on the floor. Her attention turned to the back where she spotted one of the people from the bar. The woman was staring at her. 

“She’s nervous.” Fen whispered in her ear, following her gaze. 

“Let’s go convince her she has nothing to be worried about.” 

The woman didn’t make a move as Hera advanced, her gaze unwavering.  “How can I help you?”

“I think we can help each other. I’m Hera, this is Fen.” She extended a hand. The other woman didn’t take it. 

“I’m Juahir. What help do you think you can provide?” Her tone was guarded, but not totally unwelcoming.

This dance was familiar, it was easy enough to follow the steps. “I think we can help you with your … extracurricular work.” She was dressed in an instructors uniform, probably a cover. 

“You think so?” The woman paused for a long time, staring at each of them in turn. Hera could feel Fen twitching with impatience beside her but all she could do at this point was hope she held her tongue. She complied for a few more moments as Juahir looked them up and down a few times. “Follow me.” 

They were lead into a small, windowless office, almost a supply closet. As the door closed behind them, Fen tensed. Hera twined their fingers together for a moment. It would be alright. “I saw you in the bar, didn’t I?” Her voice was lightly accusatory.

“You did.” 

“And you were listening?” 

“I was.” Lying would serve nothing here. 

“You are … sympathetic to our cause?"

“We are, very much.” 

Juahir nodded slowly, contemplating. “Well. We’re always looking for help.” Beside her, Fen relaxed. “Do you have experience in the field?” 

“We do, we’ve just arrived from Ryloth, we’ve been working with the organization there.” 

“Ryloth.” She nodded again. “I think we can find a use for you two. Do you have any particular skills?” 

Hera smiled. “I think you’ll find we do.” She turned to Fen, in her eyes, there was a question. “Go for it.” It was time to commit.

A pause as Fen closed her eyes and focused. Then, everything in the room not nailed down slowly rose into the air, hovering several inches. Juahir’s mouth dropped open. The furniture slowly lowered itself to the ground. “Jedi.” A wide smile slowly spread across her face. “This must be my lucky day. I think you guys are going to work out great.”

 

* * *

 

 

Fen dropped her hands, grinning slightly, the rush of the Force pounding through her veins, their calculated risk seeming to have paid off. “Do you have something in mind that we can do?” 

“And your skills?” Juahir, the rebel asked Hera, barely taking her eyes from Fen. This kind of attention, awe, disbelief, the mild fear of the unfamiliar, she emphatically did not mind.

“I’m a pilot, mechanic, tactician, my father got me to do all sorts of things.”

“Your father?” Hera seemed to catch herself suddenly. Still a sensitive subject. Fen shifted a few inches closer, their shoulders almost brushing.  

“My father is Cham Syndulla, leader of the rebellion on Ryloth.” She stood taller at this. Despite it all, she was his daughter. Fen smiled at the pride in her voice. 

“Cham Syndulla, yes I know of him. Really, you’re his daughter?” Hera nodded, from his angle, Fen saw her clench her jaw. She leaned against Hera. “Wow! What are you doing here on Coruscant.” 

“The spark of rebellion we have on Ryloth, it must spread past our world, to cover the galaxy if we are to succeed.” 

“And they sent you?” 

“In a manner of speaking. Do you have something we can do?” Hera repeated Fen’s question, changing the subject. 

“Something you can do… I’ll have to make a few calls, can you check back in a day or two?” Hera nodded.  “Where are you staying?” Juahir stopped them as they were turning to leave. 

“Above the Black Hole, a couple levels down.” Hera named their bar with a sour twist of her mouth. Fen tended to agree with that assessment. She would rather go almost anywhere, except perhaps back up to the Temple. The bar made her want to peel her skin off, to take a hot shower, run as far as she could. She didn’t need to be downstairs to sense the intentions and moods of the patrons, especially regarding the other servers. For a moment, Fen hoped their new ally would give a similar expression, get them out of there. She only nodded, dashing Fen’s hopes.

“Okay. Good to know where to find you.” 

Fen and Hera left the dojo in silence. “Let’s head back.” Hera sighed. 

“Can we go somewhere else?” She sensed the sudden irritation in Hera’s mind and strengthened her own resistance in response. Hera could pretend she understood what Fen had been through, what she was going through, but that could not be true. 

“Fen…”

“Not somewhere else to stay … just go somewhere for a while.” Somewhere that didn’t reek, that didn’t make her want to scream, somewhere safer. 

“We have to be getting back. They’re expecting both of us in the bar.” Hera placed an accusatory emphasis on the ‘both’ and Fen fell further back into a defensive position. 

“Hera, I can’t do that and you know it.” 

“They’re expecting you, I can’t keep covering for you forever! If you don’t do what we agreed to they’re going to kick us out! Would you rather sleep on the street?” 

“You agreed to that Hera. I didn’t and I won’t.” She was almost yelling but she didn’t care. She was frustrated by this circular argument, by her filthy surroundings, by the home that no longer felt like home. She had come all this way, they had escaped slavery together! If she went down to that bar, they would hardly be better off. She had told Hera as much, but it hadn’t seemed to move her. 

“Fen please, it’s not awesome and I know it’ll be hard for you, but we really don’t have any other options.” 

“Yeah. We do. We can just find somewhere else to live.” This argument had also been found to be previously unacceptable. Hera recognized this. With a sigh, she threw her hands in the air and walked away. Lacking other options, Fen followed, fuming in silence. 

As the reached the outside of the bar, Fen moved to go around back but Hera grabbed her arm. “Can you do this for me, please?” There was a look of desperation in Hera’s eyes that Fen hadn’t expected. 

“Hera…” 

“If you don’t we are going to be out here, on the streets and despite what you want to believe, it’s a lot more dangerous for me out here than it is for you.” Fen blinked in confusion, briefly unable to respond as her mind processed.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m a twi’lek. Here on Coruscant, alone. At least when people look at you they give you the benefit of the doubt. My people have a reputation.” 

“Oh.” Fen’s voice was very small in her own ears. It was a fact she had not considered. 

“I may not have been through as much as you have, but believe me, I feel their eyes on me the same way. So please, can you do this for me? Just for a little while?” 

Every fiber of her being wanted to resist the urge, her legs were on the verge of walking her up to her room and hiding. But Hera looked at her, into her heart, desperate, pleading. She could not say not to this, not to her, not now. Ignoring her body, which was still trying to go into revolt, she nodded, heart rate increasing. The smile that broke across Hera’s face was like the dawn. For a moment, Fen calmed. She stared at her face, memorizing the angles and planes. She would need it soon. “Thank you.” Hera whispered, grabbing her hand as she lead her inside. 

It took an alarming amount of willpower to force herself to cross the threshold as the wall of music, chatter and the clinking of glasses hit her ears. She pulled the Force around her as a shield, eyes scanning the room, quickly judging the current occupants as she followed Hera up to the bar. They seemed to be human for the most part, she let out a quiet breath of relief, humans she could manipulate. “Your friend feeling better?” Fen whipped her attention back to the current threat : the bar and the man who had just risen from under it, scanning her up and down. 

“We’re ready to get to work.” Hera said, still holding Fen’s hand out of the bartender’s line of sight. 

He nodded, still with his eyes fixed on Fen. Her skin crawled as she retreated further into the Force. “Get to work then.” 

Together, they turned around the bar, heading for drink trays, Hera’s hand slowly pulling away from hers. The bartender was still focused on her, she could feel it, like a knife in her back. Fen stopped, whirling back around, a dangerous idea in her mind, but once it had occurred to her, she had not the will to stop it. She heard Hera hiss her name as she walked back, eyes focused on his, bold with her idea. Fen stopped in front of him. “You will leave us alone.” She made a small gesture with her hand to channel the Force, pushing against his mind, trying to worm her way inside.  _ Anger would make this last. _ The thought was no more than a whisper in the back of her mind, but she complied, fear twisting her heart. Fen pulled on the chord of her anger, jerking it to the surface. WIth nothing but her rage and her will, she forced herself into the man’s mind, enforcing her command. 

He staggered back from her, jaw a little slack. Fen stood tense, eyes wide, breath racing, ready to run if it failed to take. “I will leave you alone.” His eyes were slightly gazed for a moment and then cleared, looking right past her. A smile spread across her face and satisfaction warmed her trembling limbs. It had worked. She had used the dark side again, her smile flickered slightly, but it had worked. Emboldened she grabbed Hera, who was staring at her, mouth agape and pulled her back upstairs.

“I don’t think we’ll have a problem with him anymore.” She couldn’t help but grin as she passed the bartender again, who didn’t even glance in their direction. 

“What did you do?” There was less happiness in Hera’s voice than Fen had expected. 

“I made him ignore us.” She couldn’t keep all the smugness out of her voice, reaching back, feeling the befuddled mind of the man they had left behind. 

“You can do that?” 

“Yep. I may have to repeat it every once and a while, but I don’t think we’ll have to spend time in that bar anymore.” The door to their little room groaned open, looking brighter than before. Possibilities were opening in front of her eyes. As a padawan she had never even tried a mind trick, but the mind had always been her speciality and now, they were open to her, more than ever before. 

“You’re amazing.” Hera smiled as they flopped back down onto the bed together, her hand gracing the side of Fen’s face. She leaned into the contact. “I just hope no one saw that.” A small trickle of icy fear bled through her happiness. There had been a lot of people down there, She hadn’t been overly careful. She also hadn’t told Hera about the incident with the speeder. Shaking her head, she pushed the worry from her mind. 

“I’m sure it’s fine.”

  
That night she had a strange dream of a cloaked figure with a bright red lightsaber endlessly following her. She stopped, tried to confront it, ask what it wanted but it only laughed and whispered  _ You. _ The next time she awoke, the dream faded from her mind like dawn mist. 


End file.
